kitkat you were the engineering student =D
kitkat you were the engineering student =D
KitKat KitKat KitKat.... what have we told you about striping in public????
I Don't like to say anything twice
Three Berkeley CS proffessors and 3 Stanfurd profs. are on a train together on their way to a conference. They are sitting accross the aisle from each other. The Berkeley prof's see the ticket takers coming down the aisle and all get their tickets out, but one of em notices that between the three Stanfurd Professors there is only one ticket. The Berkleye professors ask the Stanfurds, where are your other tickets? The Stanfurd's reply, Watch this, and they all go and squeze into one Bathroom together, when the ticket dude comes by they stick out one arm and give him one ticket. The berkeley Professors are fairly impressed.
On the return trip the Berkeley profs and Stanford Profs are sitting across from each other again. Feeling superior from the prior meetings stunt the Stanfurd proffessors ask the Berkeley Profs how many tickets they bought this time, exclaiming that they only need one again, the Berkeley prof's say none. The Stanfurd proffesors are amazed that the Berkeleys have become so arrogant, but as they are about to ask how they plan to get away with it, they see the ticket guy again and flee to the bathroom. After a minute or so one of the Berkeley Proffesors goes to the BAthroom, knocks and says, "Ticket please" then takes it and the three Berkeley proffessors all go into the other bathroom.
When man invented the bicycle he reached the peak of his attainments. Here was a machine of precision and balance for the convenience of man. And (unlike subsequent inventions for man's convenience) the more he used it, the fitter his body became. Here, for once, was a product of man's brain that was entirely beneficial to those who used it, and of no harm or irritation to others. Progress should have stopped when man invented the bicycle. ~Elizabeth West, Hovel in theHills
@ Cal_kashi: I've heard that one, it's a classic. Always funny, and adaptable to any two groups of people so you can choose who to make fun of.
The only jokes I know are calculus jokes and engineering jokes. And since there's no way I'd reveal just how much of a geek I am by telling a calculus joke, here's another engineering joke:
They were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he met his fate. The priest said that he would like to face up so he would be looking towards heaven when he died. They raised the blade of the guillotine, released it, it came speeding down and suddenly stopped just inches from his neck. The authorities took this as divine intervention and released the priest.
Next the drunkard came to the guillotine. He also decided to die face up hoping that he would be as fortunate as the priest. They raised the blade of the guillotine, released it, it came speeding down and suddenly stopped just inches from his neck. So they released the drunkard as well.
The engineer was next. He too decided to die facing up. They slowly raised the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer said, "Hey, I see what your problem is."
Best pick up lines ever:
Lets integrate and Multiply.
or
I'd like to measure the area under your curves.
When man invented the bicycle he reached the peak of his attainments. Here was a machine of precision and balance for the convenience of man. And (unlike subsequent inventions for man's convenience) the more he used it, the fitter his body became. Here, for once, was a product of man's brain that was entirely beneficial to those who used it, and of no harm or irritation to others. Progress should have stopped when man invented the bicycle. ~Elizabeth West, Hovel in theHills
I, for one, want to read those calculus jokes. Anyway, here are some AI koans I found funny:
A novice was trying to fix a broken Lisp machine by turning the power off and on. Knight, seeing what the student was doing spoke sternly: "You can not fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no understanding of what is going wrong." Knight turned the machine off and on. The machine worked.
A disciple of another sect once came to Drescher as he was eating his morning meal. "I would like to give you this personality test," said the outsider, "because I want you to be happy." Drescher took the paper that was offered him and put it into the toaster: "I wish the toaster to be happy, too."
In the days when Sussman was a novice Minsky once came to him as he sat hacking at the PDP-6. "What are you doing?", asked Minsky. "I am training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-Tac-Toe." "Why is the net wired randomly?", asked Minsky. "I do not want it to have any preconceptions of how to play." Minsky shut his eyes. "Why do you close your eyes?", Sussman asked his teacher. "So the room will be empty." At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.
Mae, you evil rotten monster, Lisp, how could you bring Lisp into here, of lord no not Lisp, how I loathe thee [img]i/expressions/devil.gif[/img]
When man invented the bicycle he reached the peak of his attainments. Here was a machine of precision and balance for the convenience of man. And (unlike subsequent inventions for man's convenience) the more he used it, the fitter his body became. Here, for once, was a product of man's brain that was entirely beneficial to those who used it, and of no harm or irritation to others. Progress should have stopped when man invented the bicycle. ~Elizabeth West, Hovel in theHills
thats like asking for a slap in the face... worst pickup lines everOriginally posted by: Cal_kashi
Best pick up lines ever:
Lets integrate and Multiply.
or
I'd like to measure the area under your curves.
I am too lazy to read above, so if it's already posted too bad.
There is two muffins in the oven
Muffin1: Dang...it's hot in here - says the one muffin to the other.
The second muffin replies:
Muffin2: OH MY GOSH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!
HAHAHAHA!
[21:48] * DO furiously masturbates to #gotwoot
____________________________________________
Elementary, My Dear Watson
One lovely evening, the detective Sherlock Holmes and his trusty friend Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After having dinner and drinking a few glasses of wine, they became tired and went to sleep. A couple hours passed and Sherlock Holmes awoke, and shortly thereafter woke Dr. Watson as well. He said, "Watson, look up, and tell me what you see."
Dr. Watson replied, "Well, sir, I see millions of stars in the sky."
Sherlock Holmes asked, "And what does that tell you?"
Dr. Watson paused for a moment and said, "Well, astronomically it tells me that there are billions of stars and possibly millions of galaxies in the universe. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Horalogically I can deduce that it is approximately quarter past three in the morning. Theologically it symbolizes that God is magnificent and that we humans are small and insignificant in the universe. And meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
To which Sherlock Holmes replied, "No, stupid! Someone has stolen our tent!"
SecondedI, for one, want to read those calculus jokes.
Hey baby, I wish I were your derivative because then I'd be tangent to all your curves.Originally posted by: Cal_kashi
Best pick up lines ever:
Lets integrate and Multiply.
or
I'd like to measure the area under your curves.
or
I wish I were your integral because then I'd be the area under all your curves.
But you can't go past the good ol:
You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen... can I touch them?
And for the jokes:
An ion walks into a bar and asks "I think I left an electron here last night". The bartender replies "Are you sure?" The ion says "Yeah, I'm positive."
So there's this party. A party of functions! All the functions are there, e^x, pi*r^2, i^2, and even some old-school guys like abs(x). Anyway, poor e^x is alone in the corner being all morose. His good friend 2^x comes over and says, "What's the problem? Come on, integrate yourself into the party!" and e^x looks at 2^x and says, "Why? It's not like it's going to make a difference!"
A byte walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks "What's wrong?" The byte replies "Parity error." The bartender says "Oh, I thought you looked a bit off"
Not necessarily. If you were to use those lines on a girl studying, say, English Literature, then yes. However, when said to an engineering or science girl, you might get a response like, "Let's turn our potential energy into kinetic engergy." or "How about we measure the coefficient of friction between us?"Originally posted by: intense
thats like asking for a slap in the face... worst pickup lines everOriginally posted by: Cal_kashi
Best pick up lines ever:
Lets integrate and Multiply.
or
I'd like to measure the area under your curves.
As for a calculus joke....well, I suppose I could tell one......ah, I hope I don't regret this.....
So, e^x and a constant were walking down the street, and off in the distance, they see a differential operator. The constant freaks out and says, "Crap! If he gets ahold of me, I'll be nothing!" The constant is about to run away, but e^x says to him, "Now just wait one second. I'm not going to let that differential operator bully you around. Let me handle this." So e^x walks up to the differential operator and says, "Listen, we don't want you around here. Get lost. I'm not scared of you, I'm e^x!" At this, the differential operator starts laughing, and says, "Oh yeah? Well I'm d/dy"
At my school there are a few pick-up lines like...
"Hey, my indifference graphs are completely intersecting my budget for you, baby!"
I can't remember many more 'cause they are lame.
Now I have to think of a joke I can translate into english... wait, I know -
Bush and Blair are talking together one day. This other guy comes by and asks
"Hey there! What are you talking about?"
"Oh, nothing," replies Bush, "We're just planning World War 3."
"I see..." says the other guy, "And what are you planning to do?"
"We'll kill 14 million muslims and one dentist." replies Blair.
"A dentist? Why a dentist?" ask the guy.
Blair turns to Bush and exclaims, "See?? I told you no one would ask about the musilms!"
What Your Drink Says About You!
>Before you order a drink in public, you should read this!
>Seven New York Citybartenders were asked if they could nail a
>woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed
>separately,they concurred on almost all counts.
>The results:
>Drink: Beer
>Personality:Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
>Your Approach:Challenge her to a game of pool.
>Drink: Blender Drinks
>Personality:Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
>Your Approach:Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.
>Drink: Mixed Drinks
>Personality[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif[/img]lder, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky
>taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants. Your Approach:You won't have to
>approach her. If she's interested,she'll send YOU a drink.
>Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
>Personality:Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
>Your Approach:Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings
>with friends.
>Drink: White Zinfandel
>Personality:Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually,
>she has NO clue.Your Approach:Make her feel smarter than she
>is...this should be an easy target.
>Drink: Shots
>Personality:Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get
>totally drunk... and naked. Your Approach:Easiest hit in the joint.
>You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful
>not to make her mad!
>Drink: Tequila
>No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.
>
>THEN, there is the MALE addendum ---- The deal with guys is, as
>always, very simple and clear cut:
>Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.
>Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
>Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image
>to help him get laid.
>Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.
>Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
>White Zinfandel: He's gay
A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked
>at a "lovers point" where they started making out.
>
>After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get
>lucky, so he asked her, "Do you want to get into the back seat?"
>
>"NO!" she answered. Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet. Now
>he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things
>are getting really hot, so he asks again, "Do you want to get into
>the back seat?"
>
>"NO!" she answers again. Now he has her bra off, they're both very
>sweaty, and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she
>HAS to want it now. "Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?" he
>asks again. "NO!" she answers yet again.
>
>Frustrated, he demands, "Well, why not!?" "Because I want to stay up
>here with you!"
>Signs That You Are Too Drunk
>You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
>
>You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
>
>Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
>
>The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
>
>Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
>
>You can focus better with one eye closed.
>
>The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
>
>You fall off the floor...
>
>Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
>
>Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger...who needs
>dinner?
>
>Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
>
>Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
>
>The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
>
>Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
>
>That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
>
>I'm as jober as a sudge.
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the
husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!
Formerly known as 'Animemaster'
One fine Sunday morning i woke up, Turned to the clock and and saw that it was 7am. I then had a wash got dressed and went downstairs for some breakfast. upon entering the kitchen i looked at the calendar it was the 7th day of the 7th month 1997, After seeing this i thought it was my lucky day, So i sat down to eat my breakfast and looked out the window and saw 7 birds. After my breakfast i decided to take a walk, I picked up the 7 pounds remaining from last night and locked the door. I walked for 7 minutes and eventually found myself outside the betting shop, I decided to make a bet and so i walked in and looked at one of the 7 monitors and decided to make a bet. I bet my 7 pounds on the 7th horse in the 7th race
The horse then came 7th...
This sig was made by KitKat.
A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, and she preceded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us, "said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf on the statue is lifted up, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"
k heres a joke
there were 4 people living in an apartment building: A blind man on the first floor, a police officer on the second floor, a fireman on the 3rd floor, and a VERY HOT lady on the fourth floor.
One day, the hot girl was taking a shower and she someone knocks on the door 3 times, confirming that it was the fireman. so the girl took her towel, frantically wrapped it around herself, went to her apartment door and opened it. The fireman said, "guess what, guess what? i just saved a cat from a tree." the hot girl replied, "thats nice", then closed the door, and went back to the shower.
then someone else knocks on the door 2 times this time confirming that it was the police officer. So the hot girl took her towel, frantically wrapped it around herself, went to her apartment door, and opened it. the polic officer said, "guess what, guess what, I just caught the number 1 wanted man in america." The hot girl replied by saying, "thats nice," then closed the door, and went back to her shower.
While taking a shower, someone else knocks on the door, ONCE, confirming that it was the blind man. knowing that it was the blind man, the lady thought, "why should i go through all the hassle of taking this towel when its just the blind man. He cant see me anyways." so she didnt put her towel on, walked to her apartment door, and opened it. The blind man then said staring at her. "guess what, guess what, i got my vision back!"
Okay here's a christmas joke for ya. I know it's out of season but It's an original of mine.
Do a "Ho" once, shame on you.
Do a "Ho" twice, shame on me.
Do a "Ho" three times, Merry Chirstmas!
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