Jokes Oh Yea

[Anbu Hatake Kakashi]

i dunno if anyone did this but here's mine i got like 3 haha all m jokes are from jokes women wont laugh at or from friends




Q. what do women put behind their ears before sex?

A. their ankles


Q. whats six inches long and wrinkly and has a big head and drives women wild

A. one hundred dolllar bill




This one is the best

A naive man was a little clueless on his wedding night so he calls his mother for advice. "Take that thing you always play with and stick it where she pees. so he got his bowling ball and threw it in the toilet


[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif[/img]

[Gods_Son]

Q. Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A. Because she's a woman

[Mut]

what did fiddy cent say to his grandma when she gave him a sweater?

gee, you knit.

goodbye.

[PaD]

Um... a joke ... a joke... ummm
ok

Why do blonds stare at the sun?! TO GET BROWN EYES-
OMFG SO ROFL
ROFL
ROFLROFLROFL
LLOL OMFG LMAO

ok ok, i got another one;

Why do blonds have small injuries on their knees?!
I BET U KNOW! ROFLMAO!

I got one more;

Why do blonds play with their hair?!
ROFL I HAVE NO IDEA, YOU PROBABLY KNOW THAT ONE TOO! ROFLMAO

One more, one more;

There were two tomatoes crossing the road, then suddenly one of them get hit by a car, then the other one says ' Hurry up, ketchup!' ROFLMAO I BET U DIDNT SEE THAT ONE COMING ROFL!

[r3n]

Originally posted by: PaD
There were two tomatoes crossing the road, then suddenly one of them get hit by a car, then the other one says ' Hurry up, ketchup!' ROFLMAO I BET U DIDNT SEE THAT ONE COMING ROFL!

blatant rip from pulp fiction [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif[/img]

ok ill tell a joke, u might not get it unless ur used to british slang (mebe the yanks use this too!)

Q: What did the cannibal do after he'd just dumped his girlfriend?

A: wiped his bum!

[PaD]

[quote]
Originally posted by: r3n

Originally posted by: PaD
There were two tomatoes crossing the road, then suddenly one of them get hit by a car, then the other one says ' Hurry up, ketchup!' ROFLMAO I BET U DIDNT SEE THAT ONE COMING ROFL!

blatant rip from pulp fiction [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif[/img]

I haven't even seen that movie x.X

and ye, I got your joke xDD
oh and btw
Racist joke JusDaMan :\

[JusDaMan]

AIte I got a few jokes but its not a Q and A joke

A Guy in a store was selling human brains. A chinese brain, a white brain, and a black brain. The guy asks the owner. How much is the chinese brain. owner says 500 dollars. guy says how much is the white brain. Owner says 1000 dollars. how much is the black brain. owner says 1 million dollars. Guy says HOW COME ITS THAT MUCH. owner says cause its never been used.

Another one

3 couples go to a hotel. the owner put each couple in 3 floor. When the owner went to the 1st floor she heard laughing. when the owner went to the 2nd floor she heard crying. when the owner went to the 3rd floor she heard nothing.
in the morning she asked the 1st couple How come there was laughing. they answered cause it tickles. the owner asked the 2nd couple how come there was crying. they answered cause it hurts. the owner asked the 3rd couple how come there was no noise. they responded.. My mommy told me not to talk when i have something in my mouth

Aite thats all i remember for now

WHEEEEEEE

[Iznogoud]

Originally posted by: Anbu Hatake Kakashi


This one is the best

A naive man was a little clueless on his wedding night so he calls his mother for advice. "Take that thing you always play with and stick it where she pees. so he got his bowling ball and threw it in the toilet


[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif[/img]

Aha what a nerd

[r3n]

now for some jacko jokes:

Q: whats the difference between a white plastic bag and jacko?

A: one's white, plastic, and dangerous to kids. the other is a white plastic bag


Q: How do you know when its bed time in neverland?

A: when the big hand meets the little hand


Q: whats the difference between jacko and spots?

A: spots only come on your face when you reach 14

[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif[/img]

[Gods_Son]

There are lots of Michael Jackson jokes, never heard the Neverland bed time one before though, most of them are little boy jokes. Here's a different one...

Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

A. From a catalogue.

[Lego]

Boy 1: Wow, the holocuast must of been hell on earth, just like Mr.Jeebs taught us!

Boy 2:Yeh, you know my grandfather died in a concentration camp?

Boy 1:Really, how?

Boy 2: He fell off a guard tower..

[Mut]

so bacon and eggs walk into a bar and ask the bartender for a drink. but the bartender denies them and says, "sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

[Banned!]

ok here's one
Q:Wat did someone say to someone tryin' to steal their chesee?
A:NA-CHO-CHEESE LOL
ok that was a stupid joke dont yea think cause i forget how the question goes but i kno the answer lol so does anyone who knos that joke plz correct me alrite

[Lego]

the lameness is what makes them funny [img]i/expressions/devil.gif[/img]

[Turkish-S]

let's revive this topic because i found a good joke..

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman wave at
him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he
knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think
you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind races. He racks his
brain and travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his
wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from Fred's stag night that I
fucked on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your
partner whipped me with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's Grade 3
teacher"

[Sasori]

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's Grade 3
teacher"

Oh my God.. OUCH.

Anyway, a joke..

A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Got any bread?"
The bartender looks at the duck and says "No."
The duck replies "Ya sure you don't have any bread?"
"Quite sure" Says the bartender looking slightly annoyed.
The duck looks up at the bartender and says "Are you really sure you don't have any bread?"
"YES, I'M SURE!! If you ask me ONE more time, I will NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE BAR!" The bartender yells at the duck.
The duck doesn't flinch and starts to think. . . . . Finally, the duck says "Got any nails?"
the bartender says "No."
The duck replies cheerfully "Got any bread?"

[XanBcoo]

This is my most favorite joke ever:

One evening, a married couple had some friends over for a dinner party. The atmosphere was friendly and everyone ate and talked happily. After the meal, the men went into the living room to have some smokes and chill, while the women stayed in the kitchen and chatted. In the living room, the husband was telling his buddies about a restaurant he and his wife had been to the previous day.

"I tell ya, it was the best meal I have had in my life. That steak was perfect," He said.

"Yeah? What's the name of the place??" One of his friends asked.

"You know, I can't remember for the life of me what it was called. I think....Hey, you know that flower...the red one? With the thorns all over it? What's that called again?" The husband asked.

"You mean a Rose?" His friend answered.

"Ohhh yeah. That's it!" said the man as he turned his head to the kitchen and shouted to his wife: "Hey Rose!! What was the name of that restaurant we went to last night?!"

[SK]

The Joke Thread, only funny jokes plz, heres one.

Subject: True Playa
>
>
>
> >One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards
> >with
>some friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped
>a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across
>the table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties
>on.
> >He sat up and was flushed, so he went into the kitchen to get a drink
> >of
>water. To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen
>and said "Did you like what you saw?"
> >Mike said yes he did. She said, "Well you can get more than that but
> >it
>will cost you $500." So Mike thought about this financial situation and
>said OK. She said come here tommorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at
>work then. Mike said, I'll see you then."
> >
> >The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then left.
> >Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today?"
> >She
>said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did."
> >
> >Terry said,"Good because that fool came by my job this morning and
> >asked to
>borrow $500 till this evening, and he would leave it with you."
> >
> >NOW THAT'S A TRUE PLAYA!!!

[jing]

Nice one! lol....

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:


Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

CS: "What sort of trouble?"

C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

CS: "Went away?"

C: "They disappeared."

CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

C: "Nothing."

CS: "Nothing?"

C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

C: "How do I tell?"

CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

C: "What's a monitor?"

CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

C: "I don't know."

CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

C: "Yes, I think so."

CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

C: ".......Yes, it is."

CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

C: "No."

CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

C: ".......Okay, here it is."

CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

C: "No."

CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

CS: "Dark?"

C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."

C: "I can't."

CS: "No? Why not?"

C: "Because there's a power outage."

CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

[SK]

LOL!