Jokes Thread

**PSJ** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 03:37 AM

hmm this joke will probably piss alot of ppl off.....

well here goes nothing...

Sune(swedish name) was going to catch the pink elephants, so he brought 7 cookies with imh adn he passed by the regular elephants since he's not supposed to catch them, when he enters the center of the jungle he places the cookies on the ground and climbs up a tree, the pink elephants shows up and says
"wow cookies"
and they eat them all up. sune have to go home since he is out of cookies.
the next day he brings 6 cookies and passes by the regular elephants since he isnt supposed to catch them. when he enters the center of the jungle he places the 6 cookies at the exact same location as before and climbs up the tree. the pink elephants shows up and says
"what only 6 cookies?"
"oh well its better than none"
and they eat them all up. sune have to go home since he is out of cookies.
the next day he brings 5 cookies and passes by the regular elephants since he isnt supposed to catch them. when he enters the center of the jungle he places the 5 cookies at the exact same location as before and climbs up the tree. the pink elephants shows up and says
"what only 5 cookies?"
"oh well its better than none"
and they eat them all up. sune have to go home since he is out of cookies.
the next day he brings 4 cookies and passes by the regular elephants since he isnt supposed to catch them. when he enters the center of the jungle he places the 4 cookies at the exact same location as before and climbs up the tree. the pink elephants shows up and says
"what only 4 cookies?"
"oh well its better than none"
and they eat them all up. sune have to go home since he is out of cookies.
the next day he brings 3 cookies and passes by the regular elephants since he isnt supposed to catch them. when he enters the center of the jungle he places the 3 cookies at the exact same location as before and climbs up the tree. the pink elephants shows up and says
"what only 3 cookies?"
this time they get a little angry at sune but says
"oh well its better than none"
and they eat them all up. sune have to go home since he is out of cookies.
the next day he brings 2 cookies and passes by the regular elephants since he isnt supposed to catch them. when he enters the center of the jungle he places the 2 cookies at the exact same location as before and climbs up the tree. the pink elephants shows up and says
"what only 2 cookies?"
this time they get really angry at sune but says
"oh well its better than none"
and they eat them all up. sune have to go home since he is out of cookies.
the next day he brings 1 cookie and passes by the regular elephants since he isnt supposed to catch them. when he enters the center of the jungle he places the cookie at the exact same location as before and climbs up the tree. the pink elephants shows up and says
"what only 1 cookie?"
this time they get really really pissed at sune but says
"oh well its better than none"
and eats them all up. the next day sunce dont bring any cookies and he passes by the regular elephanst since he isnt supposed to catch them. when he enters the cenetr of the jungle he climbs up the tree. the pink elephants shows up and says
"what no cookies?"
and they all lose their color, sune cant catch the pink elephants anymore

funny aint it?

**itachi_** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 03:47 AM

Why is 6 afraid of 7.... because 7 eight 9...

**r3n** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 04:41 AM

</div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (itachi_ @ Feb 9 2004, 07:47 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Why is 6 afraid of 7.... because 7 eight 9...

</td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'>
7 eight 9?

that doesnt make sense.

u mean 7 ate 9

**itachi_** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 04:54 AM

You ruined the whole thing, eight = ate... obvious or not

***Munsu*** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 06:31 AM

This is Puerto Rican writing a letter to an hotel:

> Dier Senior Gerente Jotel:
>
> Now I am tell yu di story jau I was treated at yor jotel. I cum from Puerto
> Rico as touris to Niu Yol and estay at yor jotel.
>
> When I cum in my room I see der is no shit in my bed. How can I sleep with
> no shit in my bed? Col down de ricepchon and tell dem: -"I wanna shit". Dey
> tell me "Go to the toilet".... I sey "no, no, I wanna shit in my bed". Dey
> sey "You betta not shit in yor bed, you sonnawabitch". What is that of
> sonnawabitch?.
>
> I go down for di restoran for breikfast. I order beicon and eggs and two
> pisses of toast, I getta only one piss of toast. I tell di waitress and I
> points to toast. "I wanna piss". She tella me "Go to the toilet"... I say
> "No, No, I wanna piss on my plate". She den say to me "you piss on yor
> plate, I col da cops, you sonnawabitch" Secon person who don even know me,
> and chi col me sonnawabitch! What is that of sonnawabitch?
>
> Later I go a dinner into restoran. Spoon and knife is der but no fock. I
> tell di waitress "I wanna fock!", and she tell me:-"Sure, everybody wanna
> fock". I tell her "No, no, you don onderstand me. I wanna fock on di
> table".
> She den tell me "So you sonnawabitch, you wanna fock on de table? Get yur
> ass out of here". So I go to di ricepchon and ask for di bil.
>
> I no wanna stay in dis jotel no more. When I have pay di bil, the porter
> say
> to me "Thank you and piss be with you". I say "piss on you too, you
> sonnawabitch!" I go back to Cabo Rojo! I never more comma stay in your
> jotel, you sonnawabitch.
>
> Sinsirly,
>
> The Honorable Antonio Fas Alzamora
> President of the Senate
> of the State Free Asociated of Puerto Rico

**PSJ** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 06:40 AM

thats just to hard to read.... cant you make it in plain english?

***Munsu*** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 06:42 AM

Nah, that will just take the fun out of it...

**r3n** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 07:12 AM

</div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (itachi_ @ Feb 9 2004, 08:54 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> You ruined the whole thing, eight = ate... obvious or not

</td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'>
dont think u realise i was joking

***Munsu*** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 07:17 AM

I think no one has a thread about jokes, so come here and post your joke just like the ones you usually foward onto your friends by email... To start things of, here's my joke that I got from an e-mail:

>Conversation between George W. and his National Security Advisor,
>Condolezza Rice:
>
>George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
>
>Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
>
>George: Great. Lay it on me.
>
>Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
>
>George: That's what I want to know.
>
>Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
>
>George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
>
>Condi: Yes.
>
>George: I mean the fellow's name.
>
>Condi: Hu.
>
>George: The guy in China.
>
>Condi: Hu.
>
>George: The new leader of China.
>
>Condi: Hu.
>
>George: The Chinaman!
>
>Condi: Hu is leading China.
>
>George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
>
>Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
>
>George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
>
>Condi: That's the man's name.
>
>George: That's who's name?
>
>Condi: Yes.
>
>George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader
>of
>China?
>
>Condi: Yes, sir.
>
>George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the
>Middle
>East.
>
>Condi: That's correct.
>
>George: Then who is in China?
>
>Condi: Yes, sir.
>
>George: Yassir is in China?
>
>Condi: No, sir.
>
>George: Then who is?
>
>Condi: Yes, sir.
>
>George: Yassir?
>
>Condi: No, sir.
>
>George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of
>
>China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
>
>Condi: Kofi?
>
>George: No, thanks.
>
>Condi: You want Kofi?
>
>George: No.
>
>Condi: You don't want Kofi.
>
>George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of
>milk. And
>then get me the U.N.
>
>Condi: Yes, sir.
>
>George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
>
>Condi: Kofi?
>
>George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
>
>Condi: And call who?
>
>George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
>
>Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
>
>George: Will you stay out of China?!
>
>Condi: Yes, sir.
>
>George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the
>U.N.
>
>Condi: Kofi.
>
>George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
>
>(Condi picks up the phone.)
>
>Condi: Rice, here.
>
>George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Thanks

***Raven*** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 08:07 AM

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are a tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you're not sure where they are. You'll look for them tomorrow.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

***Munsu*** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 08:34 AM

HAHA good one... here's another one... kind of lame but whatever:

> > > Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how
> > > important their children are.
> > >
> > > The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into
> > > a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
> > >
> > > The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he
> > > walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
> > >
> > > The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my
> > > son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your
> > > Eminence'."
> > >
> > > The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three
> > > women give her this subtle "Well...?"
> > >
> > > She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard bodied, well-hung, male
> > > stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "My God...."

**Aclypze** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 12:46 PM

what's long, brown, and sticky???

a stick!!!

**Jman** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 12:53 PM

A woman is bragging to her friend about her new car:

"The stereo responds to voice commands", she says.

She says, "Soul", and Aretha Franklin comes on the radio.

She says, "Hip Hop", and Jay-Z comes on the radio.

Then suddenly as they are driving 2 children run in front of her car causing her to abruptly slam on her brakes.

She shouts "Fucking Kids!!", then Michael Jackson comes on the radio.

**sangai** · Mon, 02-09-2004, 01:20 PM

thats too funny

i have one but its dirty

dont read it if you dont like people making fun of kids
.
.
.
.
theres two preist and to boys in a row boat .
when suddenly a hole is found in the boat and the preist tell the kids to start bailing water while they figure out what to do
priest 1 says:what should we do
priest 2:hmm we swim to back
priest 1 say's:what about the kids
preist 2 says: F#@k the kids
preist 1 sayse with a puzzled look:we got time for that

its kinda lame

**r3n** · Tue, 02-10-2004, 03:05 AM

lol mondongo that has to be the worst joke ive ever heard!

**PSJ** · Tue, 02-10-2004, 05:37 AM

ok this one is pretty funny. a swedish and a norwiegan dude are sitting in a resturant next to a road and the swe asks the nor do you see that beatiful forest? the nor answers nope the trees are in the way.

LOL
LOL
LOL isnt that funny?

**jing** · Tue, 02-10-2004, 08:29 AM

lolll
hope this doesnt offend anyone

Three little boys were looking for a summer job. Their preacher needed some people to go around and sell bibles. So the preacher hired two boys without even thinking twice. But he was hesitant about hiring the third boy because he suffered from a speech impediment.
So after the first days of work they all met back at the church. The preacher looked at the first boy and asked him, "How many bibles did you sell?"
The boy stood up and said, "35."
"Is that all you sold?" the preacher asked.
"He looked at the secound boy and asked him the same thing. The boy said, "75." "That is good," the preacher replied.
He didn't want to ask the third boy but did. The boy with the speech impedement said ''I-I-I s-s-sold 175.'' The preacher was amazed and asked the boy how did he sell all of the bibles. He said ''I-I-I t-t-told them to b-b-buy t-t-them or I will r-r-read it to t-t-them'''

**JessiA** · Tue, 02-10-2004, 08:39 AM

ROFL. That's a good one!

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a paint-ing of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No way! They have no clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out, "They have only an apple to eat, and are being told they live in a paradise.
Obviously, they are Russian."

**Power PMV** · Tue, 02-10-2004, 08:43 AM

</div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (JessiA @ Feb 10 2004, 07:38 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> ROFL. That's a good one!

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a paint-ing of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No way! They have no clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out, "They have only an apple to eat, and are being told they live in a paradise.
Obviously, they are Russian." </td></tr></table><div class='postcolor'>
LOL, good one JessiA

I just heard this one this morning.

An American, an African and a Singaporian are being interviewed about food shortage.

The reporter asks to each: What is your personal opinion about food shortage?

The American says: "I don't know what shortage is"

The African then says: "I don't know what food is"

and finally the Singaporian says: "I don't know what a personal opinion is"

**Aclypze** · Tue, 02-10-2004, 09:52 AM

What's grosser then gross?

>>A truck full of dead babies.

What's grosser then that?

>>The one on the bottom is still alive.

What's grosser then that?

>>He tries to eat his way out.

What's grosser then that?

>>When the baby gets out, he dives back in for seconds.

I find that funny.....

Thread: Jokes Thread

Thread Tools

Display

Posting Permissions