I like a laugh at good jokes so just post them here when you think of any
i start first...
Whats the best thing about F*cking 21 year olds?
There's 20 of them
I like a laugh at good jokes so just post them here when you think of any
i start first...
Whats the best thing about F*cking 21 year olds?
There's 20 of them
Eww, petdilicous.
Whats brown and sticky?
SPOILER: <span style='color:#D6DBE0'>A stick</span>.
more...
A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
What did the serial killer have in his bathroom?
Head and Shoulders
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples."
Two heteros are lying down on a nude beach. Suddenly one of them gets bitten by a red spider in the balls. It hurts so much that he can't walk anymore so his friend goes to a doctor. The doctor say: "So it was a red spider, huh. You'll have to suck the poison out of the place where the spider has bitten your friend or he'll be dead in 30 minutes." After that he runs as fast as he can to his friend and when he finally arrives he says: "Dude, your gonna die!"
How to teach a girl maths? Add a bed, subtract her clothes, divide her legs, enter your square root, leave your solution and hope she doesnt multiply!
/\u r sexist
/\
^ ha ha and you .... and you ....you..??what em I laughin about you?
ok ok:
How do you know when a blondes been having a bad day?
Shes got a tampon behind her ear, and she's lookin 4 her pencil.
A new employee is hired at the <span style='color:red'>Tickle-Me-Elmo </span>factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
-
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the personnel Manager's door.
-
The foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
-
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire plant behind schedule.
-
The personnel manager decides that he should see this for himself so the two men march down to the factory floor.
-
When they get there, the line is so backed up that there are Elmos all over the floor, and they're really beginning to pile up.
-
At the end of the line stands the new employee.
-
She has a roll of red plush fabric and a big bag of marbles. The men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
-
The personnel manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman.
-
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, “but I think you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give each Elmo two test tickles."
************************************************** ******************
stupid bonus joke:
Q: How many <span style='color:blue'>surrealists </span>does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A fish.
I just thought of another;
A bear and a rabbit are taking a s**t in the woods, the bear turns to the rabbit and asks "do you have problems with s**t sticking to your fur?" the rabbit replies "no" so the bear wipes his arse with the rabbit!
one day <span style='color:blue'>superman</span> was flying around the city when suddenly he passes over a tall building and sees <span style='color:red'>wonder woman </span>naked with her legs spread apart, so he quickly flies down upon her and starts humping her. 10 mins pass and he looks at <span style='color:red'>wonder woman</span> and asks "Are you ok? <span style='color:red'>Wonder woman </span>looks up at <span style='color:blue'>superman</span> and replies "I'm ok, but I think you broke the invisible man's back.
Formerly known as 'Animemaster'
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel So good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! ... Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the crap out of the rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? ... He was merely trying to help us all!" The lion answers, "That little Bugger! He makes me run around the forest like an idiot each time he is on ecstasy!"
hahahahahahaha
ok: two guys are sitting around, one's doing the crossword. he looks up and says "hey michael, I've got an awful dificult one here".
Michaels looks up and sighs "right, lets hear it".
First guy: "four letters, Old MacDonald had one."
Michael: "God, that is difficult, right enough, isnt it?"
First guy: "Oh wait, I've got it!....Farm!"
Michael: "Oh of course! farm, farm, how do you spell that?"
First guy"I think its ee ay ee ay oh"
The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual,
"I have a headache."
"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!"
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Alabama. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!" The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!" The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?" The drunk replied, "any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
An Englishman,Scotsman and Irishman were in a bar drinking somewhere in South America. They noticed a pot of money in the corner and asked the barman what was it there for. "Well" said the barman "that is there for the taking for anyone who can 1rink a full bottle of tequila in two minutes 2:Go into that box over there with a lion inside and pull a thorn from the lions foot. 3: finally go upstairs and make love to a 100 year old woman". What happens if we fail they enquired. "If ye fail and survive", the barman said, "ye'll be sold as sex-slaves to a local tribe".
Despite the risks they said they would try it. The englishman goes first and after half the tequila he collapses drunk and is taken away to be sold.
The Scotsman is next. He downs the tequila and staggers to the lion cage.The door is closed and there is a quick scream as he is eaten alive by the lion, unable to defend himself.
The irishman drinks the tequila and stumbles towards the lions den. The door is closed behind him and almost immediately there are the most spinecurdling screams and shouts coming from the cage which lasts all of ten minutes.There is banging up against the sides of the box and everything and then silence. The Irishman emerges battered,bleeding and torn - "now" he says " where is that lady with the thorn in her foot"
<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>hahahahahahahahahha</span>
brilliant
There are 3 missionaries that are sent to a remote island to convert a tribe. Upon entering the tribes territory they are ambushed and surrounded with men holding spears. One of the men say "We are going to kill you and use your skin for canoes. Do you have any last requests?"
The first missionary gets goes into blind rage and starts swiping at the men with spears. He is killed and gets skinned alive
The second missionary says "God will save me" and he runs into a spear, killing himself
The thrid missionary says "I have a last request. Can i have a fork?"
The tribesmen give him a fork.
When he gets the fork he starts stabbing himself repeatedly all over his body while the tribesmen are standing around wondering WTF he was doing. Then he yells out " TRY TO MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS"
i'll admit its not that funny
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