Sex

[Lucifus]

I think there was probably a breakdown in communication there. David75 most likely mistakenly interpreted your response as the following:

All the members posting in this thread are sad failures who try to validate themselves and self-worth through sex.

Which is not what he was saying.

I agree with Assertn, and I'm sure most of the folk here who posted would as well.

What I got from his post is this:

There are too many people in society who rely on sex as a means of self validation and as a method to measure themselves to others.

[Assertn]

Pretty much. My point was there's a lot of people out there who think if you're not getting laid by as many people as possible, you're wasting your life.

[Dark_Sage]

As a virgin I think sex is like putting your penis in a bottle of mayonnaise. It feels good at first, but then it starts to sting when the mayonnaise gets in your urethra. The stinging doesn't stop even after you pull your dick out of the mayonnaise jar and run it under water, so you go to sleep, hoping to sleep it off. But you wake up in the morning only to realize you have a penile infection and you have to go to the doctor.

So you go to the doctor and she's all like "So you stuck your dick in mayonnaise?" and you're like "don't judge me" so she tries to fix your situation, but apparently the mayonnaise has multiplied in your penis and the only way to get it out is through amputation, but you want your penis still, so you decide to take some pills to get it fixed.

When you get back home you find out the mayonnaise jar is now pregnant with your kid, so you fucking flip out and try to leave the state because you ain't having none of that shit. Get an abortion, you damned mayonnaise jar.

But the mayonnaise jar calls the cops and the cops arrest you and force you to work for the rest of your life to support the damned mayonnaise babies you have which you realize after five years aren't actually yours because holy shit, you can't impregnate mayonnaise because you're a human, but by then it's too late and you still have to pay child support to raise them.

So you find a mustard bottle and the same shit happens again when you stick your dick in that and now you've got five illegitimate babies to pay for so you have to live in a shack for the rest of your life, cursing your luck.


And that's what I think sex is.

[UChessmaster]

That`s one fucked up comparison. Stop putting your dick on condiments.

[XanBcoo]

Yeah, but how? I've never understood what makes "bad sex" for a guy.

Everything Yuki said, plus my own horrible experience with a fat lady.

Long story short, she was way too into it. Like, comically over the top.

[Sapphire]

LOL How did you end up hooking up with a comical fat lady?

[XanBcoo]

I met her through a band I was in over a year ago. She went to high school with the frontman, making her 10 years my senior. We flirted a lot and I entertained the idea of asking her out. To be fair, she was not fat when we met.

By the time we were dating/having sex, the combination of her ballooning up, being on her period, saying incredibly awkward things, and shrieking like an ex porn star mentally scarred me enough never to talk to her again.

[Sapphire]

That. Is. Amazing.

[Spiegel]

I think Sapphire just started this thread so she would get some good, mentally stimulating sex stories to fap to.

[Sapphire]

Yeah, and instead I'm getting sex with Mayo and fat ladies. What's up with that?

Someone bring out the good stuff so we can get this party started!

[Dark_Sage]

I think Sapphire just started this thread so she would get some good, mentally stimulating sex stories to fap to.

*schlick

[Buffalobiian]

As a virgin I think sex is like putting your penis in a bottle of mayonnaise. It feels good at first, but then it starts to sting when the mayonnaise gets in your urethra. The stinging doesn't stop even after you pull your dick out of the mayonnaise jar and run it under water, so you go to sleep, hoping to sleep it off. But you wake up in the morning only to realize you have a penile infection and you have to go to the doctor.

So you go to the doctor and she's all like "So you stuck your dick in mayonnaise?" and you're like "don't judge me" so she tries to fix your situation, but apparently the mayonnaise has multiplied in your penis and the only way to get it out is through amputation, but you want your penis still, so you decide to take some pills to get it fixed.

When you get back home you find out the mayonnaise jar is now pregnant with your kid, so you fucking flip out and try to leave the state because you ain't having none of that shit. Get an abortion, you damned mayonnaise jar.

But the mayonnaise jar calls the cops and the cops arrest you and force you to work for the rest of your life to support the damned mayonnaise babies you have which you realize after five years aren't actually yours because holy shit, you can't impregnate mayonnaise because you're a human, but by then it's too late and you still have to pay child support to raise them.

So you find a mustard bottle and the same shit happens again when you stick your dick in that and now you've got five illegitimate babies to pay for so you have to live in a shack for the rest of your life, cursing your luck.


And that's what I think sex is.

Stop using mayo and use pH-balanced hair conditioner/body wash.

[Animeniax]

Stop using mayo and use pH-balanced hair conditioner/body wash.

Sounds like he needs to use a condom... and get checked for STDs.

[enkoujin]

Use a fleshlight - it saves you from putting your penis in a mayonnaise jar. Just make sure you mustard all your strength to clean it up after, though.

[Pandadice]

Holy crap, i thought this was a nerd forum, how has everyone here had sex? This sucks, now i feel like a failure among those i always assumed were in the same boat as me...

I was talking to a friend once, and she was explaining to me how she has to really get to know a guy before she "gives him her all," and that phrase really struck me. Is sex her "all"? Is that the pinnacle of her existence? is banging her boyfriend the greatest thing she will ever accomplish? Why do people put so much emphasis on sex?

maybe one of these days i'll get some.. Hopefully when i graduate to highschool. I hear EVERYONE is getting some in highschool ^^.

[XanBcoo]

Holy crap, i thought this was a nerd forum, how has everyone here had sex? This sucks, now i feel like a failure among those i always assumed were in the same boat as me...

I was talking to a friend once, and she was explaining to me how she has to really get to know a guy before she "gives him her all," and that phrase really struck me. Is sex her "all"? Is that the pinnacle of her existence? is banging her boyfriend the greatest thing she will ever accomplish? Why do people put so much emphasis on sex?

maybe one of these days i'll get some.. Hopefully when i graduate to highschool. I hear EVERYONE is getting some in highschool ^^.

Where are you from? What kind of upbringing does she have?

Also I'm not sure if you're joking, but only one third to one half of the students you go to high school with will have had sex: http://www.childtrendsdatabank.org/?q=node/315

[Pandadice]

Where are you from? What kind of upbringing does she have?

east-central US. As for upbringing, some form of Christian afaik. But she drinks/smokes/parties etc so there's that too. Plus I mean, she does have sex with her boyfriend and stuff, so it's not like she's saving herself for marriage or anything.

[rockmanj]

Everything Yuki said, plus my own horrible experience with a fat lady.

Long story short, she was way too into it. Like, comically over the top.

Good Lord. That reminds me of my 4Loko experience.

[XanBcoo]

east-central US. As for upbringing, some form of Christian afaik. But she drinks/smokes/parties etc so there's that too. Plus I mean, she does have sex with her boyfriend and stuff, so it's not like she's saving herself for marriage or anything.

I'm sure the Christian mindset mixed with the typical popular media representation of sex and romance influences that line of thinking. It's kind of sad, really. That's an impressive observation you made of the language she was using. It's very telling, and I've heard it lots before but never thought about it that way.

Good Lord. That reminds me of my 4Loko experience.

Willing to let this thread become a place to post sex horror stories if it just descends into immature off-topic posts.

[Sapphire]

Willing to let this thread become a place to post sex horror stories if it just descends into immature off-topic posts.

aka Tell us about the 4Loko story! lol!!