The meaning to YOUR life - do you have one?

[Sandldan]

Im not trying to chase down my perfect self anymore and i dont believe that there's any greater meaning or calling for me out there. Im just trying to do what i love to do, and get many experiences in the meantime.

[Buffalobiian]

First of all guys, thanks for your input into this, as well as anybody who's giving me advice be it past, present or future. Of course, not every bit of advice is going to work out(1), but knowing that people out there live their life with some sort of purpose/passion gives a glimmer of hope that one day I may find my own.

(1) I read everything, even though I'm not going to quote everybody.

Oh, and I don't know how it all sounds, but so you all know, I'm not suicidal. I can't see a reason for it, so it's not worth the effort.

I'm just.....lost. That's probably the best description.

Another thing I say is if you really want something, so not talking about your urges to splurge some money, you should just reach out and touch it. As in, if you want something, go for it.
Even if end result is less then ideal or even worse then where you started of, cause if you don't you will hate yourself, or at least regret, in the future for not at least trying.

True. Only problem I have is that there really is nothing I feel like doing, or something that I want to try. I would most likely try it out as you said if it was within my power, and if it was a desire of mine. But alas, the last part stumps me up.

I know who I am and I know that I am meaningful and significant.

If I define myself by what I do, to me, I'm not doing anything meaningful or significant.

"What did I do today? What made me happy today? What did I do that was meaningful today? What did I do that I like today? What difference have I made today? What would I try to do tomorrow?"

It's not like I think about these questions every day, but if I do, I don't believe I could come up with much of an answer. Sure, I laugh, and there are little bits of pieces that I enjoy in my day. I'm actually rather easy to please. Just a nice, full lunch would make my day. I'd most likely look forward to it all morning, and remember how good it was in the afternoon, until I see something else I could chew on. Jokes get me going etc etc.

But thinking about all that, it's sort of a short-lived, superficial. Using the pyramid, they're things on the lower rungs, if not the lowest. While it's a legit reason, it's somewhat sad when I end up answering "I got out of bed today to each that lasagne in the fridge, or to download that anime. And that only."

Sometimes you just need to see your life from a new perspective. Bill, maybe you should consider spending some time volunteering. You might find that through helping other people, you actually do care more than you realized

I should try that. I should also try many other things too, I think. Just go out there, do it, and see how I feel about it. Sucks that I can't find the motivation to begin, however. Like, I don't even feel like trying...even though I'm the one asking these questions.

You know, when I watched Yes Man, lots of things hit home. It almost felt like I was the target audience for that film. Too bad, it was only good for like the first half hour.

1) Ensure that you have everything set up for a financially secure future. Because of the things you've already done, the path of least resistance to that is to finish up your education and basically do the things you've already mentioned.

That part I can do. I'm not proud of it, but my main reason for studying pharmacy is for employment into a stable and steadily growing job sector with good job prospects. Even after 2.5 years of it, I don't harbour any strong interest in it. I could easily do something like civil engineering and not feel any different. I might actually do better since maths is my strongest point. At least now I am force-fed material so I don't have to think. I can't imagine what working would be like...(well, I can since I do placement work, and I'm not looking forward to it....hence all this searching.)

2) This one is extremely important. Create the opportunity for you to have a chance to explore things. This means first and foremost, don't take on any more obligations than is absolutely necessary. Not at this point your life. I don't mean your age either, I mean the point you're at emotionally and spiritually. Free up as much of your time as you can, so you can use it to actively pursue things you haven't pursued before.

That sounds nice. It really does. As above, it would be a very good thing to do if and when I can summon the effort to do it. My friend's been asking me to come to Taekwondo with him a few months back. I always found reasons to decline it, because I simply couldn't see a reason to do it, nor put out the effort, no matter how cool I imagined the experience to be in my head.

If I could free up some time, which should happen in a month's time after my exams, I would have to get right back into piano though. I've dropped that for a good 6 months. I don't miss it one bit, and have no attachment to it. I honestly can't remember why I even started playing. Personally, I think of it as like a chore. Right now, I see it as an investment. Not that I'd teach or do anything with it, but after all these years, I feel that I need to go that final stretch and get that performance letter/diploma to justify all the time and money spent on this. At least after that, even if I never play again, I know that it amounted to something. Once.

3) If you manage to do 1 and 2, for each activity you pick, I recommend both looking into the details of the activities, and stepping back, and looking at how these activities fit into the the rest of what you do with your life. The point of this is, you may find joy in the details, or you may find joy in the puzzle, or both.
I'll use music as an example since you play piano. You can likely recognized musical compositions that require a good deal of technical ability to play. You can also probably recognize melodies and harmonies that are particularly beautiful and/or interesting. You can probably recognize compositions that are interestingly complex or cleverly simple. For each of the things I've mentioned, you may even be able to pinpoint just what makes them as I described. This would be looking at the detail.

I wish I could do that. I really do. But, I can't. I'm almost like a tape recorder. I hear, then see a song, and try to replicate it to the best of my ability for my yearly exams. I play it over and over and over again till I got it right. Then in a few week's time I'd forget, and the set of songs I learned with it, as I prepare new songs for the next exam.

It's like school exams pretty much. Just an extracurricular subject. Theory lessons were the same. Come to think of it, I think I have to upgrade to the next theory level as a prerequisite for my Amus letter.

I had a friend in highschool. (I remember him well because he gave me a concussion that I don't remember back in grade 8. I didn't know him back then, but I did after that...). In everyone's eyes, I was a better pianist than him. In terms of technical ability, that is true. But in my eyes, he was far superior. Not only was he a pianist, but he was a guitarist, and trombonist. The main thing is, he plays by ear, and improvises like he's born for it. And to top it all off, he loves music. To me, that beats all the technical skills that I've acquired through mechanical practice. Outwardly I admired him. Inwardly, I think I was jealous without the bitterness, and felt sort of empty.

Might try picking up a sport.

That's possibly the most practical thing I could do right now, save for time constraints. According to some random facebook quiz, I attract the sporty type .

Maybe traveling, or learning about our world be it it's people and cultures, it's foods, it's natural beauty or the underlying mechanics of why and how it even exists.

When the money comes, I would, having read Eat, Love, Pray.. I didn't find it a particularly good read. For some reason her writing style kept putting me off, but I wasn't about to put down a book that talked about exploring one's inner self. Not when it addresses my own issues so much. Still, the end result was watching someone else's life change without doing anything to my own.


But of course, not everybody has a personal mission statement in their lives, and they are perfectly fine with themselves. After all, the meaning to life is only relevant to one's self. I've also included that question as one of my initial ones. Is that fine too? How do you stop that from leading yourself to a depressed state?


After reading and reflecting off everyone, both in this thread and out, I think my loss of direction was a result of my loosing my sense of achievement. Being a goal orientated person, graduating high school meant reaching that goal. After that, it's up to me to work towards another one, and I haven't been able to find one since then, or one I really care about. Taking Kitkat's advice and going on a journey instead, I haven't found the days I've spent these past years amount to anything meaningful.

[Assertn]

Maslow Pyramid and the meaning to my life are two different things.
Plus Maslow Pyramid is theoretical, real life is quite different

I still felt I should comment on this...

The pyramid addresses cognitive needs that most humans experience, and the level of sophistication that each need exists within. Lower-level needs typically bottleneck the rest, so in order to realize higher-level needs to fulfill, you have to first satisfy the lower-level needs.

That being said, if you aren't realizing needs from esteem or self-actualization, then that is because you are still stuck at love/belonging. This doesn't mean that the theoretical pyramid doesn't apply to your real life.

Obviously, the pyramid isn't flawless, however I think inaccuracies in the model lie mostly in the deviations of isolated societies, rather than individuals within the same social structures.

[lilphatboi88]

Mr. Uchiha Barles,

All my life, for some reason my family and friends keep saying how smart I am. I did get the best grades in high school and I was the first one in our generation to go to college.

My parents did something amazing in their life. I have to live up to that or doing something better than that in order to feel like I haven't failed. My grandparents were living in China during Mao's regime; their parents were wealthy as landlords, however the revolutions took everything away from them. So eventually my grandpa and my dad and uncles luckily came to America dirt poor and now are doing well.

But because of this, people in the town treat us differently and there is a lot of competition in the business. There's also a lot of competition among my brothers and cousins. Therefore, I have to come out on top and lead by example.

Half of this was written 3 hours later, after class.

[Uchiha Barles]

I probably have something to say about measuring one's worth using the accomplishments of others as a metric, but that's wouldn't give an answer to the question you posed.

If you decided that you want your accomplishments to match or even exceed those of your parents, you need some metrics. First, what have your parents accomplished? Have they made a lot of money? Did they create a large family? Were they well educated and accomplished academically? Mind you, these are rhetorical questions you should ask yourself, but don't answer them here. Maybe you can ask your parents as well.

Once you come up with a list of your parents general accomplishments, then you decide which of those things you care to accomplish equally well, or better. Once you do that, you come up with a game plan on how you want match/surpass their accomplishments. For example, you may decide "My parents were able to make a lot of money, I want to make a lot of money, maybe even more than they did". In that case, you figure out through what means. Your parents were landlords, so maybe you want to try being a landlord. If not, maybe you want to try being an investor, a business owner, or any other profession that has the potential to bring in a lot of income/profits.
You said you majored in International Studies. I'm not sure what job in that field has the potential to make a lot of money. Such jobs may exist, or they may not. Check with a guidance/career counselor to find out what your options are. You spent this long studying it, might as well know what doors are open at this point in time, and what doors are not open at this point in time. Either way, a career using your major (if you can find one) should bring some kind of income. The income may be enough to get you rich. If it's not, then it SHOULD be enough for you to start investing in further educating yourself and improving your skills in a profession that can bring you riches, provided you manage your money properly (particularly by minimizing your debts). I don't necessarily mean "college" or grad school when I say "further educating yourself".
A similar though process should be applied to any other accomplishment you're hoping to make. Take inventory of the things you need to accomplish whatever it is you decided you wanted to accomplish. Then, pursue these things, usually one by one, but sometimes you may be able to do more than one at a time. For each goal you set, you may find that you have to develop smaller mini goals on your way to some of the larger ones. That's fine. In fact, I'm convinced that it's more than fine, that it's "the way". I don't want this post to get too long so I'll have to refrain from giving elaborate examples, but the idea can applied to most goals I can think of (creating and raising a family, becoming accomplished in a field of your choosing, etc.)
When it comes to the issue of how others treat you, I'll try using the Maslow pyramid and what assert'n said about each level tending to bottleneck the levels above them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ma...y_of_needs.svg

While the levels of the pyramid may represent the order in which we feel we need things, I think the order in which we should seek them should be modified. Basically, swap the positions of self-actualization and esteem. In my experience, the better I achieved those things listed under "self actualization", the better I was able to achieve those things listed under "esteem" so that self-actualization actually served to bottleneck esteem. The point I'm driving at is, work hard at achieving your goals. Also, find satisfaction in the hard work you put in, so that the journey towards the goal is bearable. These things will have a large part in defining who you are, and thus how others treat you.
Also, strive be personable and respectful of both yourself and others. I've found that people who are hard working, accomplished, kind and respectful of themselves and others, command the respect of others. For example, when I encounter someone who is all these things, I have to present myself to that person, as that person presented himself to me. So if they're kind and respectful, and respectable, I have to be kind and respectful as well. Almost as if I have no choice. I try to always be kind and respectful, but I have to DECIDE to be kind and respectful to people who are not, or who lack respectability. If people are kind, respectful, and respectable, then there is no decision for me to make. My kindness and respectfulness is compulsory when it comes to those people. Not everyone will choose to be kind and respectful if given the choice.
I hope this isn't sounding like a bunch of garbage. Everything I wrote is how I try to do things in my own life, and I'm able to write these things out because I spend a lot of time analyzing why I succeed or fail at things I try to do. So I think in these terms a lot. I hope this is useful to you.

edit: I'll try not to make my other posts in here this ridiculously long

[Ryllharu]

I'll keep mine relatively short (yes, contrary to my usual posting technique).

If there is any meaning to my life, it is to eternally be a student. I strive to learn as much as I can, in as meandering a methodology as I can. During quick breaks at work, at home, on the way to and from work, wherever possible. Not merely academic knowledge, but practical skill as well. Learn to cook, learn to solder, know how to bake, use a bow and arrow, use a rifle, split wood, fix a broken floor, learn about biology, study birds, relearn how to code, use photoshop better, know current events, etc.

The other is to gather as many stories as possible. Gather more and more fictional or factual anecdotal accounts into some sort of "Grand Narrative." I don't really know why I feel compelled to gather such an expanse of anecdotal knowledge, but knowing so many seems to satisfy some need of mine.

I suppose those two aspects would be the meaning to my life as it exists today, corny as they may be. The only thing I know as an absolute certainty, is that the meaning to my life will change, and quite probably dramatically.

[darkshadow]

I was like that for awhile, but then I remembered I don't live forever, and all I learn will be lost when I die. Rather do the stuff I really want to be doing instead then.

[Pandadice]

I'll keep mine relatively short (yes, contrary to my usual posting technique).

If there is any meaning to my life, it is to eternally be a student. I strive to learn as much as I can, in as meandering a methodology as I can. During quick breaks at work, at home, on the way to and from work, wherever possible. Not merely academic knowledge, but practical skill as well. Learn to cook, learn to solder, know how to bake, use a bow and arrow, use a rifle, split wood, fix a broken floor, learn about biology, study birds, relearn how to code, use photoshop better, know current events, etc.

The other is to gather as many stories as possible. Gather more and more fictional or factual anecdotal accounts into some sort of "Grand Narrative." I don't really know why I feel compelled to gather such an expanse of anecdotal knowledge, but knowing so many seems to satisfy some need of mine.

I suppose those two aspects would be the meaning to my life as it exists today, corny as they may be. The only thing I know as an absolute certainty, is that the meaning to my life will change, and quite probably dramatically.

holy crap! you're like a real-life Kintaro Oe! thats just pure awesome

[XanBcoo]

holy crap! you're like a real-life Kintaro Oe! thats just pure awesome

I think it was Michaelangelo who was famously quoted for saying "I am still learning" even until late in his life as an old man.

It's a good ethic, and one I root my own beliefs in, actually. You always have to be intelligent enough to admit you know nothing. Barles talked about this as well.

Not only was he a pianist, but he was a guitarist, and trombonist.

Tromboner

[Assertn]

Well, it would be great to flip all the levels of the pyramid with the exception of the bottom one. (sorry, if I'm drowning, breathing will be the only thing on my mind). But the pyramid is more of an assessment of the way things tend to be, rather than should be. Not saying that you didn't know that, but just wanted to emphasize it.

I think people's desires for accomplishment weigh based on expectations placed on them. You'd think that a person who has successful parents would want to try to escape their massive shadow, but, conversely, many cases of people who are spoiled by 1st-generation wealthy parents or obtain wealth through inheritance tend to be far less affluent than whoever obtained the wealth in the first place. On the other hand, successful parents that rarely over-indulge their kids and force independence in the future will far more likely have successful kids.

Another interesting observation along a similar vein: Oldest siblings tend to be more financially successful in life than youngest siblings. They also tend to be more stressed out and consequently live shorter lives. This is because families typically put the greatest expectations and responsibilities on the eldest child, and spoil the youngest child.

In other words, what we hope to get out of life is factored by our environment, just as much as pretty much anything else.

[Buffalobiian]

Another interesting observation along a similar vein: Oldest siblings tend to be more financially successful in life than youngest siblings. They also tend to be more stressed out and consequently live shorter lives. This is because families typically put the greatest expectations and responsibilities on the eldest child, and spoil the youngest child.

Aye, I second this. The eldest tends to get the short end of the stick I think. As for being financially successful....maybe. I've seen plenty of cases where it's not the case simply because the eldest has the least education and got into the workforce early, while the youngest got to reap the benefits of that and got to be educated more. That's not saying the eldest earns less necessarily, but in the cases I've seen, it's resulted in that way.

My dad fits into my scenario, while I fit into your scenario. I so think I'll die earlier than my brother as well.