Sounds like oneitis to me.
Prescription:
(1) realize she's using you for an emotional crutch, and that she doesn't want you, just wants the unconditional support that she should be getting from her boyfriend.
(2) realize that the only time she's possibly going to turn to you instead of her current fuckbait is when she gets hurt, and you're going to feel like a complete ass if you take advantage of her then.
(3) go get some action somewhere else.
Understanding "ladder theory" can help, too.
Last edited by complich8; Sun, 03-18-2007 at 04:45 PM.
well, i suppose i deserve these kinds of remarks. but it's tough. i have tried to "let go" numerous times, and even after convincing myself that i shouldn't feel anything for her, i bounce back to my old ways.
i don't want to abandon her as a friend, and she does know how I feel. Obviously this hurts my cause, since she does use me as an emotional crutch, like comp said. I know what I should do, but it's difficult. As irrational as it probably is, I think I'm going to take one last shot, one last attempt, and leave everything on the table. I hate giving up, even if it is a lost cause.
getting action isn't the problem. I do get around quite a bit. But I've never felt as strongly for anyone as I do for her. And I am not the type who settles for the Silver Medal.
If this doesn't work out, and it almost surely won't, then perhaps I'll try a different kind of fishing...
thanks for the support, er, constructive criticism, guys. i'll keep you posted. and next time I promise not to be such a whiny bitch.
Humans are different from animals. We must die for a reason. Now is the time for us to regulate ourselves and reclaim our dignity. The one who holds endless potential and displays his strength and kindness to the world. Only mankind has God, a power that allows us to go above and beyond what we are now, a God that we call "possibility".
Knowing every penis in town has been in it is usually a turn off for me, and who knows what std's she has?
Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks.
"They call it 'The American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it" - George Carlin
Not my thing to give advice on this sort of thing, given my previous stance on similar issues. However, the following is generic advice which isn't restricted to the gf/bf model.
Masa, two options.
1) Try and pull the girl. IMO, you're gonna fail, for reason outlined earlier that if she aint responded by now, forget it. Why try anyway? Because if you're like me, then even if you know you are gonna lose this one but can't stop thinking about it, get it out of your system. Once you have failed its gonna sting real, real bad. Your might feel a range of emotions, the only thing they will have in common is that they will all be intense. You might hate yourself for going through with it afterwards, but you will have learnt your lesson.
2). Dont do it. If you can live with it, walk away. You save yourself the above from option 1, but since you wouldn't have gotten burnt there is a chance you might do this all again, either with the same person or someone else.
Either way I don't think your "friendship" with this girl is going to survive. The only way it can is if you stay stuck in this no-man's land, and we can all see this is not sustainable. Option 1 will mean you will be hurt, and she will be the source of your hurt. Option 2 will mean you will remain confused, and if you stay around this person the more confused you will get.
There is a slightly deeper, more idelogical point about relationships such as the one you are in to be made, but thats for another time.
In fact, the fundamental problem with these things is precisely that they are sustainable. But they remain in a place that you really don't want them to be.Originally Posted by DB_Hunter
I agree, but IMO I don't think Masa wants to continue. That's the context.
Well, you should know her pretty well by now. You should know if you're the type of guy she wants to be with. But unless I miss my guess, you've probably denied yourself relationships for the past few years because of her-- and that smacks of desperation, so I'd have to say no.
The solution is to become the kind of person that women like. Not only sensitive and emotional, but strong and, you know, man-like.
It isn't very manly to ignore the signs that she is looking for a new relationship. In reality, regardless of the kind of "persuasion" you give her, it's likely she'll leave him for you. You may think the relationship is doomed if it starts off on the wrong foot, but you've convinced yourself any amount of satisfaction is wrong, which is also un-manly. All it takes is a little mutual respect to preserve a friendship-- you're suggesting that you'll respect her less after you get her in the sack. It says to me that you're ignoring her more "immediate" needs because you have her on a pedestal. Relationships should be equal.
You should confront her, in a manly non-Lifetime Network fashion, with the notion that you two should try having a relationship. If she goes on about how she cares about her boyfriend, you can explain that she can continue to care about him without sharing a bed with him (hell, it's worked for you two). If she's concerned about your friendship, you can explain that your internet friend named Bucket gave her permission to go get a new guy friend. New is just as good as old, only in a different way.
Of course, it's more ideal that long-term friendships turn into relationships through casual sex. If you wake up next to a friend, everything becomes new and fresh and exciting in a taboo sort of way. If you try to do it the "right way", you'll be nervous and expectations will be high, so it's likely to sputter out. Take her out drinking again. If she's still with her boyfriend, fuck him. Being the "other guy" is acceptable if you believe you can be a better boyfriend than the current one. But then... you'd have to put your money where your mouth is.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALP
Potential mess alert!
I broke up with my gf a few days ago. It felt right. It still feels right, except for the fact that I feel really bad about breaking her heart.
Now this turns up.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...d/DSC_0021.jpg
(not entirely worksafe, but practically - and yes, that's a see-through dress.. even on the front..).
This is a really, really, really hot girl who I've been "intimate" with before (although not the whole way). She has admired me from afar, and I have her in a likewise fashion although we've had our own relationships in cycles. Now both are singles, and she wants us to finally do the whole thing.
There is only one thing stopping me from running over there.
I feel like a damn monster. Here I am having just severed the ties with my ex who is crying herself to bed every night, and so soon after that... I go to someone else? (even though it's just for the pleasures of the flesh)
Tell me guys, what should I do? Should I surrender to my urges, or hold on to my "honor" (in lack of a better word to use)?
I'm desperate. She makes me feel all warm inside. >_<
And she goes "well, nobody has to know that we spend time together".
To that I say "true", but truth eventually comes out... doesn't it?
Damn it all.
If I choose to not do this, how long should one wait before it's "okay" to do things with others?
Everything is so complicated...
I'll always be single from now on. A relationship cannot keep this sexfiend down. I demand more, more, more!!
Last edited by Terracosmo; Mon, 04-02-2007 at 10:36 PM.
Just go a head and ravage her. If you were hurt enough by the ending of the relationship that you felt you didn't want to be with anyone for a while that would be one thing. But there's no point in denying yourself if all that's standing in your way is the knowledge that your ex isn't moving on. You may still care about her feelings but that doesn't mean you should supress yours just to seem 'fair'.
you'd probably wonder what kind of advice I could give, but here it is anyway...
You don't owe your ex any grieving period or anything like that. You also seem to really like this new girl. It'd be a shame to let the past hold you back now, especially if you think you can make something with this new opportunity. All and all, you have to look out for yourself. Whatever you can do for your ex is just additional good.
Your new girl might say "let's keep this quiet", but if that's not going to work you just have to tell her and hope she can give you some actual emotional support.
Besides, how would it make it any better for your ex if you don't get with this new one? Not like you'd get back with her simply because you're not with anyone else.
Humans are different from animals. We must die for a reason. Now is the time for us to regulate ourselves and reclaim our dignity. The one who holds endless potential and displays his strength and kindness to the world. Only mankind has God, a power that allows us to go above and beyond what we are now, a God that we call "possibility".
@Terra: In a relationship you are only responsible about your own feelings. You cannot control what another person feels. It is your ex' choice if she wants to get pissed of or whatever. It is not your duty to protect her.
You must not let fear get in the way of your happiness.
If your ex-girlfriend goes on thinking you're the asshole, frankly, she's probably better off. When a woman doesn't understand why her boyfriend leaves her, she gets incredibly clingy and makes the situation complicated. Then the inevitable long explanation comes and there is some closure on her part, but it really did nothing for you (especially when it doesn't result in your ultimate goal, which was to make her GO AWAY).
I'm not saying you have to manipulate the situation-- but if by some chance your girlfriend has reason to believe you dumped her for someone else, things are simpler and each person gets what he/she wants. She gets a sense of righteousness, and you get a hot piece of ass.
I met a girl last week, we were both at the same bus, and we 'happened' to sit next to each other, so we've started talking and all, and now we've been seeing eachother for the past week.
I'm really starting to like her, and we get along great, problem is; whenever we go out to just about anywhere (I don't have a driver license yet, and our houses are out of the question) we come across someone she knows, and then whoever she meets has to come along/ sit with us for at least half an hour, and they usually bring in more of thier friends, so i can't get to just be with her.
I don't mind she's got so many friends (it's no matter of gender, or jelousy of some sort), or even with them perssonally (few of those i met were very nice), but i'm not about to sit all night listenning to kids who are 5 years younger than me yapping (she's 3 years younger than I am, her friends vary from her own age to junior high age) about some other kids they know, I'm not that sociable person.
Next week, when i come back from the army, I'm going to see her again, and i'm not sure whether i should try to navigate us away from highly populated areas (making sure we won't meet anyone). or whether I should just be jerk to whoever comes close and make them go away (not my favorite option).or try and suggest to them to leave us two alone (not my favorite option, it rellies on other poeple to plot against themselves).
I know that every person, by himself, is just stopping by to chat with his friend, but just tonight, i met about 20 people she knows, and 6 of them stayed to talk to us, on diffrent parts of the evenning.
any suggestions? how to keep ourselves private without ruinning her realtionship with her friends..
Well I pulled through with it. We were supposed to sexxor on friday but we both had time today. It was great. Not the best sex ever, but it felt really good mentally. And she was even hotter in person.
Case closed.
Until next time we have sex that is.
For DeathBooZum, well, it's pretty obvious. first off you should act on your idea about taking her to a more secluded spot, somewhere where it'll be hard for anyone to interrupt.
But why dance around the issue? If you want things to go somewhere more serious with her, then the "alone time" problem is going to keep coming up again and again. Depending on how far along the "relationship" is at this point, it's not a bad idea to bring it up. And I would be very casual about it, since you don't want to make her seem like she has to choose between you and her friends.
If you can't figure out a way to be alone just the two of you, then one day say to her, "You know, I'm sorta not in the mood for alot of people tonight. Do you know somewhere quiet where we can just hang out for awhile?" Note, this line of questioning is not advised if you're not far along with the physical part of the relationship, as she'll probably think you're just trying to get into her pants.
if she isn't willing to just hang out, the two of you alone, then it's probably a bad sign.
then again, i can't get a clear idea of what the actual relationship between you two is like. you've made your feelings and the overall situation evident, but I'm afraid I can't help you out any more without more info.
Humans are different from animals. We must die for a reason. Now is the time for us to regulate ourselves and reclaim our dignity. The one who holds endless potential and displays his strength and kindness to the world. Only mankind has God, a power that allows us to go above and beyond what we are now, a God that we call "possibility".
Ok. Now I'm not here to bitch or complain about many things, I wouldn't do that.Even on forums, but I have to vent. Apologies in advance.
I'm a 22 year male from Michigan. That said, what is my problem? I'll take a poll if I have to. I've been looking around for nice looking 9's 10's hell, I'll even go for 7's and 8's, but I have a bit of an issue. I got a player buddy(3 actually) who are pretty good around the ladies. I've asked for advice as much as I can about lines, ice breakers and even compliments which I don't need to know because I grew up with an older sister, but lately, one of the my best ladies man friends has just gotten fed up and stopped giving me advice anyway I can ask him, in public around girls or other wise, and I'm getting really frustrated here because the most recent girl I've dated was when I was 19. Any red blooded straight male knows that 3 years is too fucking long(fyi all I've gotten recently was a drunken make out session with a friend with benefits at a 2007 New Years bash)
I also live in a pretty tail worthy area of MIchigan, the malls are always bumpin with ladies, but I'm just running out of things to do and say here anymore, bowling? Pick up lines? what the fuck should I do. Am I just nervous as all hell? And yes I get togued tied sometimes, but the thing is, not when one of my buddies is a wingman.I recently also tested other waters also.
I was on a road trip visiting my player buddies sister at a college where the female to make poppulation is ratio is 3:1, and they're all pretty much 9-10's no matter where you turn. Before anyone asks, yes he and I went hunting to test my game out around the student union and stuff. It didn't go so well. We saw alot of grade-A tail, but no luck getting any numbers. My friend was pretty dissapointed in me, and he was hoping to help me get some that night.(we were only staying one night, btw)Anyway, we went back around town, had some laughs and went back home. After I got back I emailed him about the trip and he was wondering why I didn't go after any of the girls at the dorms or anything. I was also kind of confused why I didn't. As things went on, he eventually got fed up, and now doesn't really want to help me anymore. So now I don't know where to look anymore.
If anyone has any decent game tips, lines or advice please help me out.
helped ya out by merging this thread with the applicable one sans warning.
i don't even know who the hell you are.
did you ever try, like, figuring things out on your own? self-confidence is really important in impressing the opposite sex. you might fuck up for awhile at the outset, but only you can figure out what your game/style is going to be.
masa
Last edited by masamuneehs; Fri, 04-20-2007 at 03:34 AM.
Go watch the first American Pie movie. That'll help a lot.
Seriously though, you're thinking about it way too much. You seem to be thinking about it as a conquest or something - girls aren't just pieces of meat, you know.
Get out there and try something different you haven't done; join a club or a group, hell, join several. Play mixed sports, for instance.
I think I know precisely what I mean
when I say it's a schpadoinkle day
I'm usually wary of giving advice here....but I think you could benefit from a female point of view. You have to ask yourself, are you looking for sex, or are you looking for a relationship? You have to prioritize which one is more important to you. If you want a relationship, you need to put in a bit more work. Girls can tell when you're looking at them as "9's or 10's" or just some "tail". You're not going to get quality girls with this approach. Personality is more important in attraction for women than for men. A girl needs to find you fun to hang out with, and be interested in your personality. You can't achieve these things by using a set of memorized lines. There are a lot of factors involved. It's about not just what you say, but how you say it, the image you project, your body language, etc. Your player friends are likely very talented conversationalists, and know how to create an image that girls find attractive.
Raven's suggestions are really good. Get to know some girls that you share common interests with. Because seriously - Random guy talking to you in student centre = creepy, guy from club talking to you about club related stuff = potential friend/boyfriend.
Well I don't only think of girls as scaled numbers of meat to be with. I mean c'mon that's just wrong. And I know what I want, I want a girlfriend I can just have a good time with, just no real length or any labels, just know that we're with each other. And if we both get dissatisfied or see something else we each like, break up and go for it. I just wanna make sure I have fun while I'm young and don't have regrets looking back on my younger days.
And actually, college girls seem to be more open to talking to guys than girls at a club or something, at least from what I've seen.
@Kit Kat: what do you think of as "quality girls" give me an example.
Well, I left it rather open-ended on purpose, since everyone has their own ideas of what they're looking for in the opposite sex. In general terms, I guess I'd say a girl who isn't just using or manipulating you, but who cares about you.
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