Terra defeats your privacy part 302: The Relationship (& luv) Thread

[DB_Hunter]

Not my thing to give advice on this sort of thing, given my previous stance on similar issues. However, the following is generic advice which isn't restricted to the gf/bf model.

Masa, two options.

1) Try and pull the girl. IMO, you're gonna fail, for reason outlined earlier that if she aint responded by now, forget it. Why try anyway? Because if you're like me, then even if you know you are gonna lose this one but can't stop thinking about it, get it out of your system. Once you have failed its gonna sting real, real bad. Your might feel a range of emotions, the only thing they will have in common is that they will all be intense. You might hate yourself for going through with it afterwards, but you will have learnt your lesson.

2). Dont do it. If you can live with it, walk away. You save yourself the above from option 1, but since you wouldn't have gotten burnt there is a chance you might do this all again, either with the same person or someone else.

Either way I don't think your "friendship" with this girl is going to survive. The only way it can is if you stay stuck in this no-man's land, and we can all see this is not sustainable. Option 1 will mean you will be hurt, and she will be the source of your hurt. Option 2 will mean you will remain confused, and if you stay around this person the more confused you will get.

There is a slightly deeper, more idelogical point about relationships such as the one you are in to be made, but thats for another time.

[complich8]

Either way I don't think your "friendship" with this girl is going to survive. The only way it can is if you stay stuck in this no-man's land, and we can all see this is not sustainable.

In fact, the fundamental problem with these things is precisely that they are sustainable. But they remain in a place that you really don't want them to be.

[DB_Hunter]

In fact, the fundamental problem with these things is precisely that they are sustainable. But they remain in a place that you really don't want them to be.

I agree, but IMO I don't think Masa wants to continue. That's the context.

[Bucket]

Well, you should know her pretty well by now. You should know if you're the type of guy she wants to be with. But unless I miss my guess, you've probably denied yourself relationships for the past few years because of her-- and that smacks of desperation, so I'd have to say no.

The solution is to become the kind of person that women like. Not only sensitive and emotional, but strong and, you know, man-like.

It isn't very manly to ignore the signs that she is looking for a new relationship. In reality, regardless of the kind of "persuasion" you give her, it's likely she'll leave him for you. You may think the relationship is doomed if it starts off on the wrong foot, but you've convinced yourself any amount of satisfaction is wrong, which is also un-manly. All it takes is a little mutual respect to preserve a friendship-- you're suggesting that you'll respect her less after you get her in the sack. It says to me that you're ignoring her more "immediate" needs because you have her on a pedestal. Relationships should be equal.

You should confront her, in a manly non-Lifetime Network fashion, with the notion that you two should try having a relationship. If she goes on about how she cares about her boyfriend, you can explain that she can continue to care about him without sharing a bed with him (hell, it's worked for you two). If she's concerned about your friendship, you can explain that your internet friend named Bucket gave her permission to go get a new guy friend. New is just as good as old, only in a different way.

Of course, it's more ideal that long-term friendships turn into relationships through casual sex. If you wake up next to a friend, everything becomes new and fresh and exciting in a taboo sort of way. If you try to do it the "right way", you'll be nervous and expectations will be high, so it's likely to sputter out. Take her out drinking again. If she's still with her boyfriend, fuck him. Being the "other guy" is acceptable if you believe you can be a better boyfriend than the current one. But then... you'd have to put your money where your mouth is.

[Terracosmo]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALP

Potential mess alert!

I broke up with my gf a few days ago. It felt right. It still feels right, except for the fact that I feel really bad about breaking her heart.

Now this turns up.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...d/DSC_0021.jpg

(not entirely worksafe, but practically - and yes, that's a see-through dress.. even on the front..).

This is a really, really, really hot girl who I've been "intimate" with before (although not the whole way). She has admired me from afar, and I have her in a likewise fashion although we've had our own relationships in cycles. Now both are singles, and she wants us to finally do the whole thing.

There is only one thing stopping me from running over there.

I feel like a damn monster. Here I am having just severed the ties with my ex who is crying herself to bed every night, and so soon after that... I go to someone else? (even though it's just for the pleasures of the flesh)

Tell me guys, what should I do? Should I surrender to my urges, or hold on to my "honor" (in lack of a better word to use)?

I'm desperate. She makes me feel all warm inside. >_<

And she goes "well, nobody has to know that we spend time together".

To that I say "true", but truth eventually comes out... doesn't it?

Damn it all.

If I choose to not do this, how long should one wait before it's "okay" to do things with others?

Everything is so complicated...

I'll always be single from now on. A relationship cannot keep this sexfiend down. I demand more, more, more!!

[Yukimura]

Just go a head and ravage her. If you were hurt enough by the ending of the relationship that you felt you didn't want to be with anyone for a while that would be one thing. But there's no point in denying yourself if all that's standing in your way is the knowledge that your ex isn't moving on. You may still care about her feelings but that doesn't mean you should supress yours just to seem 'fair'.

[masamuneehs]

you'd probably wonder what kind of advice I could give, but here it is anyway...

You don't owe your ex any grieving period or anything like that. You also seem to really like this new girl. It'd be a shame to let the past hold you back now, especially if you think you can make something with this new opportunity. All and all, you have to look out for yourself. Whatever you can do for your ex is just additional good.

Your new girl might say "let's keep this quiet", but if that's not going to work you just have to tell her and hope she can give you some actual emotional support.

Besides, how would it make it any better for your ex if you don't get with this new one? Not like you'd get back with her simply because you're not with anyone else.

[el_boss]

Advice like "be yourself" doesn't help anyone. It makes no sense to tell this to a guy who has serious trouble with women. Would you tell a person who needs help with like building a house too just "try harder" or "figure it out". I don't get why it's so popular to not help guys who have problem with women.

If anyone reading this is serious about getting their shit together and put some real work into getting good with women you can PM mer add me on MSN, ashhas463@hotmail.com

I'm not saying that I'm a god at pick-up or anything, but I have basically built up my sexlife from 0 during the last year so I know what it's like.

Don't contact me if your going say bullshit like "you can't change" or "pick-up is wrong" or some shit like that. You are welcome to have shitty condititioning but don't bring it to me.

[iMUSTbeTHEdevil]

Being yourself isnt the way to go....not necessarily.

You just have to talk away the power of the Pussy. If pussy has no power over you then you dont have to worry about it. I mean come on, you can always masterbate. You dont have to put some much into getting with a girl and having sex. Just play it cool, and stop making pussy soo damned powerful!

-dg-