Terra defeats your privacy part 302: The Relationship (& luv) Thread

[masamuneehs]

ahh it is amazing how muc one's fortunes can change in the matter of a few days.

so last you heard i was ensnared with this girl who was way too attached, wasn't giving me (or even trying) what I need to satisfy me and we were in this serious relationship while i'm doing a semester abroad, which is not what i wanted.

so i sat her down and talked. i told her that this wasn't what i was looking for. I came to Italy to have a good time and i didn't want to have to worry about anyone but myself for a few months. Yeah it's selfish, but i fucking deserve that every now and again. i asked her if she'd be ok taking a step back, maybe just fooling around. I know terra and maybe some others don't like the idea of an open relationship, but for god's fucking sake i'm in a foreign country for 6 months, only have 3 left, and i'm travelling often. Is it really worthwhile to get into a serious commitment with someone i'll never see again in 3 month's time? I don't think so.

She wouldn't accept an open relationship. She kept saying she wanted us to just keep going forward without worrying about the future. I told her it wasn't about the future, it was about now. She asked me if i wanted to see other girls and that this was why i was saying this. I lied and told her no (she was already in tears at this point). Anyhow, it ended with us cutting things off for the meanwhile.

Two days later one of my ex's comes into town for a night. 2 months of sexual frustration out the window.

I might have mentioned this somewhere earlier in this thread, but there was a girl I met, an American, who really caught my eye and who i thought i had chemistry with. but she'd just gotten dumped by her long-distance boyfriend and was all cracked up about it. i didn't want to deal with that.

well last night we're all out drinking a beer or four and she didn't have dinner so she gets a little drunk and says she wants to go home. we leave in a group. we split up to walk home. i live on the north east part of town and she lives even farther north, so after awhile it was just us. we get to the place where we should split up. I ask her if she'll be allright getting home, she is tipsy and lives in the not greatest part of town. She says she'll be fine. I ask her if she wants me to walk her home. She says 'do you want to?'

Yup. We go back, make PB&J sandwiches and have some racous oral sex for several hours. But were both clear that we're both "fuckbuddies" (her words, not mine) and not in a serious relationship. A-OK with me!

I feel like a little kid who just got his christmas present months in advance

[Terracosmo]

lol, masamune's italian genes are showing

I didn't know you could say "fuckbuddies" in english, we have a direct translation of that phrase which we use in swedish (unnecessary info but hey).

[IFHTT]

Goddamn Masa, You're the man! I'm glad you finally got a girl that views the relationship the way you want ir to be. Awesome story too, thats one you could pass down to the grandchildren some day hahaha.

[masamuneehs]

God fucking damnit I am not Italian! I simply study the language because my college requires everyone take some language classes, and I figured, why not take a semester abroad? And now i'm actually making it into a (albeit easy) 2nd major. But I'm not Italian...

Thanks for the 'feel good' pats on the back guys. I've been positevely glowing all day today

Oh, and here's how I originally described the situation way back on page 1

'Rebound Girl' - But wait, Masa has more! This is another girl, much more my type, that I met here in Italy. Early on her long-distance boyfriend broke up with her and we spent along time talking about it and are pretty close friends now. But I want her! And at first she was totally in that 'bad place' after the breakup, but seems to be improving (albiet slowly, she was really invested in this other guy). Slowly we've been getting a little more flirty than friendly, and one night we danced together at a club and made out for a minute or so. But after I go to the bathroom I get back and she's all up on this random guy, and I'm like 'I don't love these hoes I'm out the door' and bounce. Next day she's talking about how sketchy this guy was and how she really didn't like him, how drunk she was, not about us kissing.

Ass is ass, but I do not want to be some rebound post. Been there too many times, not my place.

looking back at it i was a fool not to move on this earlier. Then again, better late than never they say!

[Mr Squiggles]

@masa: You may not be italian, but that doesn't stop you from picking up their habits...

@terra: If you don't like the term "fuckbuddies" you can use the less vulgar term "pillow friends" too if you want

[mage]

a few weeks ago before i broke my leg i put this shit in some bitchs drink at a party and dragged her up to a room and fucked the shit out of her, literally. haha taught that bitch a lesson.

[Terracosmo]

mage is a role model and inspiration to us all!

[mage]

she was black, just incase anyone was wondering.

[masamuneehs]

well just when i thought i had resolved the entire 'delicate girl' situation i get into this long discussion with her last night. She had like 3 drinks in her (no tolerance whatsoever) and starts trying to get me to dance with her and kiss her. So i had to walk her outside the place, sit her down and explain to her

"Let's take a break from each other" = "Let's see other people" = "I'm trying to break up with you in a nice way (and still maybe get some casual lays once and awhile)"

Well, now it's in the books. We're officially done (and the fact that we never officially got together makes me raise my eyebrows as to why such a retraction of status had to be agreed upon) finito, hasta la never again baby.

One-sided/unequal relationships are bad news bears. I'm glad that one is over.

[NM]

Ok guys, I really need some help with this one. Its dealing with the same girl from high school that I've liked since I met her senior year. So yesterday, I was in my suitemates room since they invited me over to watch some hockey and have beer. Thats all fine and good, but then my suitemate goes onto Facebook and just starts checking people out and then decides, "Let's check out the girl Dan likes!". So they check her picture, and he clicks on the Send A Message feature (for anyone who doesn't have Facebook, you don't have to be friends with someone on there to send pm's). At first, I figured he would be joking and would not send anything. But he writes in the message, "Dan likes you." and SENDS THE MESSAGE!! I'm just like "omfg wtf I am going to do?!?!?".

Now, don't get me wrong. I do like her and all but its just that I don't know how she feels about me so thats why I've been hesitant to tell her (plus, I haven't spoken to her in awhile). Maybe she did like me before when she was talking to me and all last semester when she asked if I ever came back home for any weekends but I was a dumbass and didn't realize it. What am I going to do???????? The way I see it, there's two things she could do once she reads it.

1) She'll easily notice that he's my friend once she sees the college he's from in the message. She can now view his profile for a month so she'll see that the Common Friend is me. Maybe she'll pm him back? My suitemate knows what he did was dick and I was a little mad at him but I just felt extremely embarassed now, because I just have no freakin' idea how she feels about me. My suitemate said he'll tell me what she messages him if she even does so.

2) She may just IM me on AIM and ask me about this message. Now, I could just say he was drunk and all as an excuse but then I feel as if that would just make her think that I don't like her at all. That would just end everything.

I'm sure she hasn't checked the message since this was late at night yesterday. But she'll probably check it today since its Friday and nobody does work on a Friday. Ugh, I still can't believe she has that message. WHAT DO I DO?????

[masamuneehs]

NM: tell your friend it's time to grow up a little bit.

But, on the other hand, it might have been a blessing in disguise. Regardless of her feelings for you, you never know unless you go out and try to get her and a big part of that is making that first move. Now obviously there were probably more suave ways for that move to be made, but it's sorta out of your hands now...

You should act, but it depends on how often she checks her Facebook. I think you can see when people were last online, but i could be wrong. Either way...

I say you AIM her whenever you see her online next. Just be casual at first. If she doesn't mention it shoot the shit for a little while. But eventually you should tell her what happened and say you're sorry your friends are so immature.

Next comes the hard part... figuring out her reaction and seeing how to respond. Girls do like to hear 'yeah, back in high school i had a crush on you' or 'well yeah you are pretty hot'. or whatever fits your style. If you want to make something with her you'll have to put your feelings out there. Saying the 'i DID like you' is probably better than 'i DO like you', especially since you cant see her reaction face-to-face now. But imply that you might just be interested come summer...

Denying it is no good, it's now a matter of how to smoothly phrase it.

Fishing.
Your friend already threw your line in the water, and probably with some pretty crappy bait on it... But now the rod is in your hands. You can reel it back in and put on some good bait or you can work with what you have. Think of this 'crappy' bait as being a way to get the fish hungry.
But since you're fishing for one specific kind of fish you'll need to tailor your lure/bait for that particular fish.
Good luck.

[XanBcoo]

I agree with Masa. This could be your chance for something to happen between the two of you. Granted, your friend was being really immature and the situation could have run its course a lot more smoothly, but now you are in a position to do something about it. Because of what happened, you have a bit more room to act since you were not forced into an outright confession (which can be daunting). The confession isn't pinned on you, so you'll be able to play it safe, and have a better chance of finding out how she feels about you.

Doesn't seem like such a terrible situation actually. Good luck.

[el_boss]

Just go for it man. What's the worst thing that can happen? I'll answer that for you, she'll say I like you as a friend or some shit like that. Case closed. It probably wouldn't make any difference whatever you said/did in this situation if you get this response. What's the best thing that can happen? I'll let you think about that for yourself.

I'll go the extra mile and write an example of what you can say to her. I don't know the exact situation so some of this might be alittle off.

Dan: Hey X I need to ask you a personal question
X: OK?
Dan: If you get wierded out or uncomfortable in any way just tell me to go fuck myself.
X: What's the question?
Dan: Are you single?
Here she can say yes, no or why do you ask?
Xno: Dan: Oh ok, I bet your boyfriend is really happy
Xwhy?: Dan: I'm just curious
Xyes: Dan: Awesome, why haven't you asked me out yet?
X: tihi

If you don't want to ask if she is single, ask her if she can meet you or something. You preferrably want to tell her your feelings in person, with eye contact.

The main idea here is to just say it. If you want to know how she feels about you, you have to try and find out. Take action god fucking damn it.

I have a super quote as usual:
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."

[masamuneehs]

i like that quote Boss, but I think i've seen it in a slightly different form...

I enjoy these
"You must lose a fly" (or a worm, I personally prefer worms...) "to catch a trout."
"Theres a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
and this Chinese proverb "You cannot hook trout? Try digging clams."

to the point: you'll do fine man, just be yourself and have confidence

[NM]

I appreciate the advice guys, I really do. Here's an update (just came back from work):

As soon as I came back from work, I happened to see her online on my buddy list. I was thinking I'd give her a few minutes, hoping she would be the one to IM me about that message. And if she didn't, I figured I'd IM her. But as soon as I came back from being away...she signed off...she wasn't away either, she was online and not idle.

I also decided to check Facebook to see if I got anything from her but there was nothing. My suitemate got nothing either. The problem is...she updated her profile, meaning she must have seen the message. And I got nothing from her. All she updated was her major and music, nothing else. So...any idea what this means?

[ChaosK]

I think she takes it for granted that you friend was playing a prank on you, or she wants you to bring it up.

[el_boss]

It's all in your mother fucking head. Stop analysing! It doesn't mean anything. And even if it did you won't find anything out by just thinking about it.

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing."

[PSJ]

NM i read all of the story and that she didn't answer just doesn't mean anything. You need to bring it up if you like her, talk to her about it. If she doesn't feel the same way you can just move on and if she does well then you're happy. Going around just thinking about it just doesn't solve anything and just makes you feel bad.

Go for it man, you got nothing to lose.

[masamuneehs]

Agree with PSJ (and jesus this is scary but also) with Chaoskiddo. It don't mean jack shit. Stop sweating.

[NM]

Wow, everyone here has alot of confidence in me. Alright, you guys are right, theres really nothing for me to lose. And thinking about it is gonna get me nowhere. If I can catch her on AIM, then I'll talk to her and hopefully try and lead into it. Summer vacation is coming up so hopefully that will be helpful and I can chat it up with her or something...but I'll keep you guys updated on what happens (it might be awhile since she's probably going to have finals soon, same for me as well).