UDRx1 your story is pretty deep shit too man. however you were quite vague in some of your wording (understandably so, it isn't easy to just go onto the web and blurt out your personal past to relative strangers). I'm especially curious about what kind of 'stash' she stumbled on, as that means two very different things where I'm from.

Long distance sucks. Humans are limited creatures with limited abilities to connect and react. While technology has made it easier to interact from across long distances, it does not give sustinence to the soul the way the person's actual company does. Personally, if anything, those IMs and phone conversations are just a 'tease', like a lingering phantom, that preys on the emotions.

comp: Keep on fishing man. There's plenty in the sea, but there's only one plaque in your living room for the right one.

BoC: Reeling in the fish is hard. You have to keep up a fast pace or it'll wiggle it's way off the hook. But if you go to fast and don't watch out, you'll drag your line through a bunch of swampgrass and not only will you lose the fish, you'll lose the bait and hook too. (Translated from Fish metaphor: Pursue, but with a calm, level-headed outlook.)

General: Suicide is only for cowards.