Terra defeats your privacy part 302: The Relationship (& luv) Thread

[masamuneehs]

UDRx1 your story is pretty deep shit too man. however you were quite vague in some of your wording (understandably so, it isn't easy to just go onto the web and blurt out your personal past to relative strangers). I'm especially curious about what kind of 'stash' she stumbled on, as that means two very different things where I'm from.

Long distance sucks. Humans are limited creatures with limited abilities to connect and react. While technology has made it easier to interact from across long distances, it does not give sustinence to the soul the way the person's actual company does. Personally, if anything, those IMs and phone conversations are just a 'tease', like a lingering phantom, that preys on the emotions.

comp: Keep on fishing man. There's plenty in the sea, but there's only one plaque in your living room for the right one.

BoC: Reeling in the fish is hard. You have to keep up a fast pace or it'll wiggle it's way off the hook. But if you go to fast and don't watch out, you'll drag your line through a bunch of swampgrass and not only will you lose the fish, you'll lose the bait and hook too. (Translated from Fish metaphor: Pursue, but with a calm, level-headed outlook.)

General: Suicide is only for cowards.

[IFHTT]

most of you have interesting stories, makes my story sound stupid, but here goes nothing..

i knew this girl, we were good friends for about a good 2-3 years until she moved to the other side of the world and after that a part of me died, because when she left it was like 50% of my good years left with her, i really don't know how to say it, but that's how i felt.

I know exactly how that feels. Good luck when she comes back dude, I hope that it all works out ok!

@Masa: "Suicide is for cowards"

Indeed it is.

[Terracosmo]

So Red, let me get this straight, she saw your porn, gave you a slap and then proceeded to claim that she was the one who forgave you?

That is... hilarious. Unless stash means something else for you of course. But if it doesn't, what a fucking bitch. You should have slapped her back. It's your damn right to keep as much nudity as you want.

[RedX1z]

thanks for hearing me out, folks, it really took somewhat of a load of my back. also, i hope you all get it good in the future.

@masamuneehs: it's not as easy as i thought it'd be, but in the end i got most of it, didn't i? plus, least on here i can't get backstabbed to a certain point. oh, the 'stash'? well, that's something i'll save for another day.

@ifinghatetonton: thanks, i'll do my best!

@terracosmo: as funny as it sounds, that slap hurt like hell. also, between you and me, that stash just kept on getting bigger and bigger after she left..

[The Heretic Azazel]

I'm fairly certain his stash is his weed.

[NM]

@NM: The way I see it you have to take chances occasionally even if you are shy.. a casual "would you like to grab a coffee sometime?" takes you far and is fairly easy to say, 95% will say "sure" unless you are creepy or you don't know them and if they say no, big deal, YOU'RE THE MAN SO IT'S THE WHORE'S LOSS RIIIGHT! ^_^

I wish I had just said that before =/. On her Facebook, I wrote on her wall saying how long its been and we should try and hang out sometime over spring break and she responded on my wall. She said something like "thanks for the reply, glad to hear your semester is going well. Spring break will be here before we know it!" but she never said "yeah, we should definetly hang out" or something like that. Unless of course, her response about how spring break will be here meant she did want to hang out...>_< Your last part of your post does make me feel a bit better though, thanks!

Does the term "friend zone" mean anything to you? She was trying to promote you out of it ... which is unusual. But you blew it -- you didn't pick up on the hints, and more likely than not she wrote that off as a rejection. Now she's probably over it, and I'd give it better than 50/50 odds that she's got a boyfriend. Maybe you shouldn't completely close the book, but I wouldn't count on it going anywhere either.

So, you're saying you were friends in high school, you talked a bit a couple months ago, and you're hung up on her. Yeah ... that's probably not healthy, and I'd recommend taking this opportunity to meet other people, and try to avoid getting LJBF'ed.

I know I lost my chance already, I keep beating myself up for it. >_< But the thing is, according to her Facebook, she doesn't have a boyfriend just yet, she's still single. But I still think that even if I try, I don't think I'd get anywhere with her as you said since she may have thought that I didn't like her. When she would ask me if I came home in our conversations last semester, I think one time I said I did go home and then the other two times she asked I said no. I should've followed up and said that I COULD have gone home that weekend and maybe we could've catch up. But of course, I was a baka back then. A BIG one. >_< I suppose I should just try and meet other girls...I've been going to college parties and all but I usually have just gone with friends to drink and thats about it.

@NM: One thing I've learned is this: If a girl was at one time interested in you, it's almost always possible to rekindle that spark, even if the signs of it are gone. Talking online/over Facebook sucks serious balls and is not easy to pull off right. Just occassionally drop her an IM being like 'Long time no see, how are you?' and casual shit like that. Then if you're ever back home at the same time (but not right when you both first get back home) and have a reason to, invite her out. The first face-to-face encounter will reveal alot.

I would try and do that masa, but nowadays, everytime she signs on AIM, she ALWAYS signs off immediately after coming on. Either that, or she'll leave an away message up really quick saying she's doing some homework or something. Now, I don't think she's doing it since I'm online (since I leave my AIM on 24/7) because there was one time where I went invisible on AIM for awhile and I saw her sign on. I was tempted to come back so she could see me but she signed off immediately. But then again, even if your invisible, your profile will still be visible to everyone if they were to just search your screenname for the hell of it. So..I dunno. Our schools are both in NJ, so our vacations are almost identical.

EDIT: And also, I'd like to say thanks alot to Terra for making this thread, and to everyone for reading/listening. I may have screwed up but its really good to know that I've got awesome friends like everyone here to listen to me and give advice and feedback. GotWoot FTW!

[Terracosmo]

@terracosmo: as funny as it sounds, that slap hurt like hell. also, between you and me, that stash just kept on getting bigger and bigger after she left..

Regardless of what your stash was, there is no excuse for slapping you out of the blue (unless it consisted of pics of you doing her best friend or something).

I say good riddance. Just imagine how annoying she'd be in 10 years if you stuck together!

Move on, and you will eventually find a woman who loves you for who you are and not for what is in your stash!!!! (...)

But seriously. Porn > Relationships

[IFHTT]

But seriously. Porn > Relationships

Thats right! And your right hand never gives you grief for not paying attention to it.

[el_boss]

Seems like there are alot of people suffering from sever cases of "oneitis". Get over it guys! She is not special. The awesomeness is just in your mind.

I have to disagree with your ideas about porn and masturbation. It's just like complish8 says, "complacence is the enemy". Masturbation creates complacence. It lowers the sex-drive and dampens the will to get out and find a woman.

A funny thing I heard once "to double your success rate, double your failure rate". What I mean by this is that if you want a girlfriend, you have got to get out there and meet as many women as you can. A girlfriend won't just fall in your lap if you sit around. "Things don't change, we change". Get how this works? For example if you wan't to get good at a sport or something, you don't just sit around. You have to activly train to get better. This applies to your life as well. If you want to get better at relationships, you have got to get out there and "train". As Wayne Gretzky once said "you miss a 100% of the shots you don't take". If you don't talk to that girl you've been eyeing in the bar, there is no chance that she'll end up with you.

And a last thing, don't ever get mad at a girl if she doesn't like you. To put it bluntly, if she doesn't like you, it means you did something wrong. Realize that you are the problem and you will realize that the solution is within you, this is something I heard recently and I'm paraphrasing it loosely since I don't remember the exact words, but you get the idea.

[Terracosmo]

Well written, but I disagree with two things in your post el_boss.

"I have to disagree with your ideas about porn and masturbation. It's just like complish8 says, "complacence is the enemy". Masturbation creates complacence. It lowers the sex-drive and dampens the will to get out and find a woman."

The way I see it, a LOT of the men out there need to dampen their overall sex-drive. It might make it so girls can actually frequent a bar without getting felt up by some asshole. Masturbation is healthy!! <3

"And a last thing, don't ever get mad at a girl if she doesn't like you. To put it bluntly, if she doesn't like you, it means you did something wrong. Realize that you are the problem and you will realize that the solution is within you, this is something I heard recently and I'm paraphrasing it loosely since I don't remember the exact words, but you get the idea."

Come on now... that is not true. It's not always YOUR fault, people can have a bad day and their behavior will change accordingly. Especially with girls, it would seem. I've experienced insults from the opposite sex for no apparent reason more than once during what I have seen as normal conversations.

Wow, so much stereotyping by me in this post. But what the hell.

[masamuneehs]

The way I see it, a LOT of the men out there need to dampen their overall sex-drive. It might make it so girls can actually frequent a bar without getting felt up by some asshole. Masturbation is healthy!! <3

Amen reverend.

Going out and pursuing is one thing. Going out there and making an ass of yourself because you're too horny (and maybe drunk or high or something in addition) to think better of your, later regretable, actions can easily be avoided by an active imagination, maybe some visual aids, a hand and some tissues.

I will be the first to admit that I am terribly flawed as a person. I need a few 'outlets' and 'props' to live and act the way I find most rewarding and desireable. Otherwise I can really be a pretty fucked-up person if left alone.

freak a'leak!

[rockmanj]

Hmmm..Let's see...Nothing exciting really, But let me give s bit of backstory. I live in south korea now, and it seems that most women that my friends and i meet are a fan of "The marathon cocktease", which constitutes going out with a girl, her usually getting you drunk, and suggesting that some mature content ensue, and then at the last possible moment deciding that its time to go home. Seriously, its happened to a LOT of foreigner guys that i know. The language barrier is also a large issue, but Ive met some cool ones here. And back where im from, i had a few things lined up when i left, but all i can do about that now is talk to them every few weeks or so (touching bases, i call it).

[suckitdry]

You know what tonight is?
The night I'm downloading porn at 14 kilobytes a second!
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Ha! I'm just kidding. I got a cable modem back here.

This pornography is infinitely excellent. This dresser, however, is not. Burn it,

[rockmanj]

excue me, but WHAT?!

[The Heretic Azazel]

Hmmm..Let's see...Nothing exciting really, But let me give s bit of backstory. I live in south korea now, and it seems that most women that my friends and i meet are a fan of "The marathon cocktease", which constitutes going out with a girl, her usually getting you drunk, and suggesting that some mature content ensue, and then at the last possible moment deciding that its time to go home. Seriously, its happened to a LOT of foreigner guys that i know. The language barrier is also a large issue, but Ive met some cool ones here. And back where im from, i had a few things lined up when i left, but all i can do about that now is talk to them every few weeks or so (touching bases, i call it).

Unfortunately this is why some women are raped.

[gr3atfull]

When I was in fourth grade, I used to like this guy. He was the sport type, funny, talk back to the teachers and real real smart guy. In 7th grade, he started going out with this girl. I was real pissed, but hey thats life. In 10th grade, he broke up with her. A week later, he asks me out. I was really happy since my long time wish came true. After a month going out with him, I finally found out that he was using me to make his ex jealous. I was just being used.

During the summer time, I met this hot guy from a friend at soccer. He was really nice and caring. During the whole summer time, he was inviting me to all the parties and took me out with his friends. At the end of summer time, I found out he was also trying to make his ex jealous at the parties. And again, some one used me as a tool.

Since then, I refused to go out with anyone anymore even though I had offers.

[RedX1z]

When I was in fourth grade, I used to like this guy. He was the sport type, funny, talk back to the teachers and real real smart guy. In 7th grade, he started going out with this girl. I was real pissed, but hey thats life. In 10th grade, he broke up with her. A week later, he asks me out. I was really happy since my long time wish came true. After a month going out with him, I finally found out that he was using me to make his ex jealous. I was just being used.

During the summer time, I met this hot guy from a friend at soccer. He was really nice and caring. During the whole summer time, he was inviting me to all the parties and took me out with his friends. At the end of summer time, I found out he was also trying to make his ex jealous at the parties. And again, some one used me as a tool.

Since then, I refused to go out with anyone anymore even though I had offers.

from the sound of things, you just rushed into these relationships. i'm guessing the reason why they probably used you was because you didn't know them that well and they didn't know you that well or just simply, because those guys are assholes to begin with. you shouldn't stop dating and such, because of that. you should trust, yet not trust a person completely, because in those cases i believe that 90% of the time you're just going to end up breaking up with them anyway, so if you learn that it won't stab you in the heart as much, but hey, that's just my view of things, anyways don't give up on men. i'm sure there's someone out there for you.

[masamuneehs]

gr3atfull, definitely don't stop dating just cuz of those assholes.

It's like fishing. You may only like some kinds of fish, but you end up catching all different sorts, some that you hate. And while if you don't go fishing at all you won't catch those bad fish, you'll also never catch the good ones.

In both fishing for fish and people I find one thing key: location. If you know what kind of guy you're attracted to start hanging out around places where you think he might turn up.

To keep up the metaphors: Knowing is half the battle. You need intel on your prospective target, and this is where your friends come in. I've been employed on innumerable covert operations to find out what exactly a dude was intending with my female friends (it also helps if he doesn't know you're their friend), and those girls have returned the favor as well.

The same thing I said to comp applies to almost everyone who is still searching: Keep on fishing. There's plenty in the sea, but there's only one plaque in your living room for the right one.

[Ero-Fan]

I like this topic. I guess I ought to share my current relationship status like everyone else is as well.
Ok, anyways, I've been going out with my current girl for almost 5 years now. Before you guys ask the obvious question, yes, we probably will get married after we're out of college and have lived together for a bit. Before her, I had dated 4 of her friends. Not a one of these break-ups was ever what you would call amiacable. In fact, the one before her, when she dumped me, I laughed and made her cry. Oh, yeah, all of them were very good friends with each other until they started dating me. So yeah, I wrecked that too, as I went from one friend to another. My current girl and I have an arrangement to see each other every other weekend and any weekdays we have available since we're both in school. My friends get the other weekends, as do hers. I am good friends with her new best friend, which helps in getting ideas for gifts, info on what she did, etc. We (my g/f and I) like to argue. A lot. Which seems to get people worried about us. I think we argue so that we do that make up stuff. Which is always better than normal stuff. Not one of our fights are serious. Also, we almost have nothing in common, which seems weird, but it works out. She's quiet, shy, horrible at math, and very emotional. I almost show no emotion but anger, hate public displays of affection, love math, and am fairly outspoken and outgoing. Go figure.

[Terracosmo]

Yeah I've experienced that "go from one friend to another thing" before too. I've never understood people like that. I'd never let a mate's ex get a shot at me, I have too much respect for my friends to start dating their ex girlfriends... but yeah.

Ero-Fan, some tips for you:

You should make sure that your girlfriend also feels that your fights aren't serious. I might be wrong here of course, but given that you two are so different, I think chances are high that she secretly actually takes them seriously. And, why fight to begin with if the arguments aren't even serious? You also write that you show almost no emotion except anger, isn't it a possibility then that she doesn't dare to show that she hates the fights?

I hope I'm not taking too many liberties here, but I've seen my share of different women and I just thought I'd share my advice. If you are going to get married, you must be 120% sure that it's the right girl. Marriage is hell to get out of if you ever change your mind...