you scared me for a sec with this one.Originally Posted by samsonlonghair
you scared me for a sec with this one.
See Assassin, this is why you're forced to go to theme parkes with faceless women - 'coz you follow the list so closely! I think the list is (mostly) false and my women always have faces. Gotta be something in that.
I think I know precisely what I mean
when I say it's a schpadoinkle day
My eyes are bleeding
heck, some lists about chuck norris facts, someone sent my brother the link, enjoy, or get roundhouse kick to the face.
# When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
# Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
# Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
# There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
# Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
# Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
# There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
# Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
# Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
# Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
# Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
get full list at www.chucknorrisfacts.com ... there are tons of good ones..
Rofl. Those own. Not into to Chuck Norris jokes but that was gold.
"# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants."
In a recent vote, it was decided that the #1 Chuck Norris fact is:
Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Fifteen years ago they told those exact same jokes (and better ones) with Mr. T in place of Chuck Norris.
For instance:
Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn’t have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn’t recognize him out of fear.
There are only three horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by getting on a bus….all caucasian people moved to the back.
Mr. T does not have to kick the crap out of you, crap runs out of your ass in fright when you come into contact with Mr. T.
Mr. T is not black. It’s just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
Last edited by samsonlonghair; Mon, 09-18-2006 at 12:36 AM.
"Samsonlonghair - The Defender of the Oppressed And Shunned!" -Kraco
Oh my god man. Rofl. I laughed over a minute straight at this one.xD
"Mr. T is not black. It’s just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him."
Well non of these lists are new to me since they all find there way into my email box at one point in time or another.
Here is my contribution.
The 20 "Man" Commandments.
1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:
- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss' car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
- When she is using her teeth
2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
3.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
4.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional.
5.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
6.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
7.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
8.) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
9.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy.
10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.
11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
12.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13.) If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:
- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!
20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
___---------------------------- "THE DROPOUT CREW"--------------------------------________Deblas, IfingHateTonTon, RyougaZell, dragonrage.________
________ we may fuck up alot but we always pull thru.
I disagree. There are only three instances:
A. After accidentally kicking a chair and ripping part of your toenail off.
B. At the sheer joy of sleeping with two girls (crying in order to GET two girls is also permissable).
C. At the end of An American Tail.
Corollary: If you know both the girl's brother and ex-boyfriend, you only need permission from one of these men.3.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
Unless you know you can win. Nothing drives a point home like being beaten down by a naked man.11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
Unless all your friends are fat.16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
Yeah, you can certainly cry after that. But you aren't a Man anymore if you do. Try to survive with swearing next time.I disagree. There are only three instances:
A. After accidentally kicking a chair and ripping part of your toenail off.
Excellent material! Bravo!
God...that's beautiful. :')
Looks like that dream to have Irwin on the same level as Norris came true.
<@Terra> he told me this, "man actually meeting terra is so fucking big", and he started crying. Then he bought me hot dogs
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