Dear woman who sent me an all-too-addictive version of the super mario theme where some guys dun-dun-dun their way through it,

"Why is it considered so wrong for females to watch porn?
It's so educative, or at least funny."

That, just as most other things, is of course the fault of women themselves. It all originated when some hairy 40-year old virgin named Bertha (or similar stupid name) decided that "since I don't get any action, nobody will, evar!". She then formed a group of equally hairy women who then decided that everything related to porn is bad. Bertha later managed to have an affair with a rich male 60-year old virgin. This rich man unfortunately had quite the influence over the world, and through his stupid wife (who died a slow death by being burned on a stake... by me) the teachings were spread, and since there now are so many ugly and hairy women on the face of the earth, it has gone so far that it's considered wrong for all women to watch porn even though it's educative, funny, and sometimes strangely arousing.

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Dear Ryoze,

"Dear Doctor Heartless:"

I love that title.

"define the definition of definitivety"

I would, but then I would have to write definitiviety a million times and it's so hard to spell so I won't.

"why is it so cold on the office?"

If I was one of those mechanics who regularly visit offices and workplaces to make sure everything works fine, I'd probably sometimes "accidently mix" with the temperature out of boredom. Maybe I'm not the only one?

"can i have a cookie?"

If you buy me a box of cookies, yes, I can let you have one.

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Dear zlightmaster,

"How can a house burn up and down at the same time?"

Imagine a house burning sideways. That would be awesome.

Ehm, what?

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Dear phone of 19 years,

"Also, why is The OC so popular??"

Because people like to hurt themselves mentally?
I've never understood the appeal of shows like that. Like HAY LOL GENERIC SOAP OPERA FOR TEENS ROTFL EVERYBODY FUCKS EACH OTHER LMAO AFFAIRS BAD GRADES TEACHER BJ

I hate school.

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Dear cracker,

"Do Swedes today still consider themselves Vikings?"

Some of us do, but that doesn't really matter when the rest of the world considers us sexual predators who eats meatballs.

*coughs aloud* sexfiends all of them, why I'd never... *cough*

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Dear zombiefire of many questions,

"How much coffee have I had today?"

More than me, less than you should. Coffee > *

"How much coffee in a day is "safe" to have?"

Oooooh, so you don't care about safe sex but you care about safe coffee consumption? HYPOCRITE!

"Why am i forced to go to school with complete dumbasses?"

Do not hate dumbasses! They make you look smart by comparison. Dumbasses are the reason that we have jobs! (except I'm unemployed)

"Speaking of lefts and rights, if two wrongs don't make a right, how come three rights make a left?"

Three rights make a left? That only applies in the twilight zone. Here in gothenburg, three rights gets me to the ice cream bar. That's tasty.

"Should Vegetarians eat animal crackers?"

They should. And when they have eaten them, you can say "hah, there was actually 2% of animal meat in the cracker!".

Mwah hah, I hate vegetarians.

"Do you find it a bit unnerving doctors call what they do practice?"

No, because in swedish, that expression is not used.

"If a funeral procession is at night, do you drive with your lights off?"

I don't have a driver's license, so I refuse to answer.
But if I had one I'd always have the lights off just for the sake of action.

"If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?"

lol prostitute

"If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?"

I don't know. I just wish he'd go ahead and do it. There is an old schizo lady who usually hangs out at my bus stop, and she walks around screaming randomly. I am so close to kicking her ass every time.

"When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?"

~Sign your name across my heart, I want you to be my baby~

Ah yes, Terrence Trent D'arby, whatever happened to him?

"When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?"

Throw away a cotton ball? That a poor child somewhere in the world was most likely forced to put together while simultaneously being whipped?

Yeah, throw it away.

"Would a fly without wings be called a walk?"

They would be called "splat", as in the sound when I kill them. It will be easier when they can't fly around.

// El Terra Diablo