Decent Gundam fanfiction?

[Terracosmo]

Does anyone know of any Gundam (preferably Seed) fanfiction which is actually readable and does not contain blatantly obvious themes of homosexuality and random hotdog inserting?

I've played with the idea of writing a Heine fanfiction for a while, but I don't know how many of you guys are into the whole fanfiction gig. So eh, any pointers?

[twh]

As a fanfiction writer for nearly a decade, I'll give you a pointer: get beta-readers to point out the mistakes that you weren't able to catch with spell check, grammar, and so forth. And, it would help if that someone had a good idea as to how GSD worked so as to keep the writing in character. Anyone can write fanfiction, and 95% don't know how to write, which is tragic. It all boils down to this: double check, triple check if you have to. Being medicre is worse than being bad in some cases.

As for fanfiction there's always the Pit of Voles, fanfiction.net, but you'd be hard pressed to find something good. you'd have to sort and sift through all the grabage, if you're up to the task, go for it.

[PSJ]

Why not write a fanfiction of the later half of Destiny. What i mean is basicly rewrite the whole story.

[Deblas]

I can answer your first question. Go to Fanfiction.net or if your in the mood for ***ahem**adult themes, then go to adultfan. Don't know the actual site name but just google adultfan and it should be amongst the first choices. Though I never been to the GS section myself, the site has rarely any Het or R themes in it. Its practically crowded by sick Yaoi fangirls.

[Marcis]

terms "decent" and "fanfiction" are mutually exclusive

[redemption2]

Forgive my shameless plug, but here's my fanfic, Old Friends Anew: Destiny's True Beginning http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2240762/1/

PSJ wanted a re-write of the story, well here you go. It starts just before Cagalli gets kidnapped, and right after Lacus's attempted assassination. Though it DOES follow the storyline of Destiny, I've added a new character to the mix, Adam Cancho (yes I'm aware of the last name.) He was Shinn and Mayu's best friend back in ORB, and he went into hiding underground when the EAF attacked in the first war. Two years later, he finally emerges to find himself engulfed in a new war that he didn't even know was going on. Thrust in true Gundam fashion into a mobile suit, he now must fight alongside his old friend to defend those he holds most dear. The Duo Maxwell to Shinn's Heero Yuui has arrived.

The story goes by a chapter an episode. So far there are three purely original chapters, but all the episodic content has been edited to include Adam in the fight, even though it still keeps the detail and accuracy of the actual series. By my reviewers it is hailed as "near canon" for its descriptions and character interactions. Did I mention that he enters into a relationship with everyone's favorite pigtailed cutie? You'll get a whole range of emotion when you read this story. I've had people out of their chairs with laughter, and I've had people use up entire boxes of tissues.

My girlfriend is considering illustrating it, so we're possibly going to make a fan-manga (she's a good manga artist), so keep an eye out for it.

For now, just give it a read and see if you like it, Terra. I forget where, but I gave Yzak a few more lines. Oh, and Heine actually gets to be a hero at one point. So enjoy.

[twh]

Addendum: I second what Marcis said. In many cases, 'decent fanfiction' can be a contradiction in terms.

[twh]

Redemption2: hate to tell you this, but I read some of your story and the OC you put in reeked of a Gary Stu. For those who don't know, a Gary Stu is the idiot cousin of the Mary Sue; which is one of the worst of the Deadly Sins of Fantiction. It's basically the more talented, more sexually appealing, and more focused on avatar of the author to put themselves in the story. It more often than not, makes for a rather dull story at best. And at worst, it's mediocre.

If you want something constructive instead of all this criticism, I shall be happy to oblige:
1. Get rid of Adam Concho.
2. More Heine
3. Insert lines to show scene changes. Nothing's worse than reading a scene, only to get violently tossed into another with no warning or indication.

Trust me, I've been in the fanfiction business to know most of the do's and don'ts of writing. Though, I'm still learning myself.

[redemption2]

Hmm, first off, twh, learn how to spell Cancho. Second, not everyone likes Heine, and I DID give him a heroic part (or did you not read far enough?). Third, I had lines, but they don't show up in ff.net's format, which they've assured me they're working on fixing.

Fortunately, you don't have to read my story, now do you? That's the liberty of the internet. Don't like it, don't look at it. (I was tempted to write dumbass at the end of that, but I'm not gonna.)

Apparently you are one of those minority that hate my story. Allow me to put forth some reviews that disagree with you completely:

Warp Ligia Obscura
2005-7-30
"Your storytelling is amazing. I just finished up to the latest update, and I am very impressed.

Your sense of humour-writing is brilliant. None of the gags failed to inspire laughter. So is your sense of sapiness. Tears had escaped my eyes at the "appropriate" moments. Your timing is magnificient too. When you revealed the Mysterious Woman to be *edited for spoiler content*, I was so shocked my jaw dropped for about half a minute, something that almost nothing else has succeeded in inspiring.

Adam comes across as very well developed. From a carefree, innocent wisecracker at the start into the hardened emo he is now. He is also convincingly integrated into Destiny's main plot. I could almost believe he and all that entailed because of him were canon.
Your other OCs were also well-crafted. Alan Sheridan worked well in his eccentric joker role."

Caro N
2005-7-29
"Wow. This fic just keeps getting better and better with every chapter (I've actually been keeping up to date with your fic for a long time now but I've never thought to review). Just...wow. This is a nice redition of Destiny and I love Adam (he's a great OC). You've also really captured the other characters' personalities pretty well..."

arekuruu-inabikari-no-She
2005-5-11
"took me at least two hours to read the current chapters of your story and I have to say that its very good and is Adam going to be mute cause of that injury? anyways, this is one of the best gundam seed stories I've read so far. update when you can!"

HarrierRayex
2005-3-23
"Haven't reviewed anything in awhile, but I've still continued to read this fic. So far everything seems to be going great with the coupling of Adam and Meyrin. And I think you made the fic have the SEED-ish effect with the soon-to-be upgrade of the Falcon. Excellent work, can't wait for chapter."


Of course I'm not saying you're alone in your thoughts:

MoFoe
2005-4-4
"I absolutely hated the entire thing. It was way too long and almost put me to sleep. You need to take some writing skills and definitely don't quit your day job. Goo luck next time. By the looks of things you are really going to need it."

My point is, just because you don't like it, doesn't mean that everyone thinks your way. For example, I absolutely hate soap operas, they completely and utterly disgust me, and I can't see why anyone would like it, and yet things like General Hospital, Passions, etc etc, have been on for decades. Someone obviously watches them to keep the show on the air. Terra, if you're reading this, just give OFA a shot. Hate it or love it, I don't care, just that you try it out. Even with all the stuff I've posted, it doesn't mean shit because its not the opinion of yourself. That's what I'm striving for, an opinion. Of course I'm striving more for a good opinion, but just having a strong one is good for me. Though I as a writer believe twh is wrong in his opinion, that's just my opinion. So... what's yours?

[Terracosmo]

lol, someone doesn't know how to take critique.

What are you trying to prove? So what if some people like your fic. Is twh not allowed to have his own opinion? If you are so proud of your work and have gotten compliments all over than just leave it at that, no need to post freakin' proof. Also, twh wasn't even being degrading but was instead giving you tips and personal views (some of which you could learn from, by the way, as I'm not a fan of Gary Stu either).

"Fortunately, you don't have to read my story, now do you? That's the liberty of the internet. Don't like it, don't look at it. (I was tempted to write dumbass at the end of that, but I'm not gonna.)"

If he's a dumbass because he doesn't think your fic is perfect then I'm a dumbass too. And I'm not a dumbass, meaning that you're the dumb one by default Terracosmic logic.

I'm not saying this is bad, nor is twh, we are just saying it isn't perfect.
And if you somehow think that your work is too good for a bit of constructive criticism, then why are you posting it here in the first place?

[Deblas]

Isn't constructive criticism part of an author's life to better the story as well as themselves?

[Terracosmo]

Yes it is. But it seems someone is way too full of himself to realize that. [img]i/expressions/rolleye.gif[/img]

For now I've finished chapter 1 and I'd say it's fairly "near canon" as far as character personalities go. Then again, that isn't hard to do for a series like Destiny where half of the cast is as predictable as the taste of strawberry pie (which is good). Much like redemption described, this feels like "Destiny +1 character". I have a hard time getting used to the idea really, though sometimes this Adam fellow is included well. Other times, though, his appearances comes off as a bit stressed.

My main advice for you now, redemption (if I dare say it without getting called a dumbass), is to get rid of all the japanese words and elements. This is an english fic. I don't want to see random stuff like "nani", "kaihee", "hai" all over. While this is based on an anime, things like that actually just disrupt the reading and also serves to make it close to impossible to read for people who haven't seen anime before. Then again, the chance of a person like that reading anime fics is perhaps quite small to begin with. Well, that's what I think anyway. Now I'll get back to reading this. I might add some more comments once I finish it all.

Edit: You deserve a major compliment for managing to make the previews just as cheesy as the ones in the anime, by the way.

[redemption2]

Sorry about the rant from before, and you're right Terra, I was a bit hot under the collar when you read it. I had a bad day and it looks like I took it out on all of you unwittingly, sorry guys.

I suppose the flaming isn't the problem, it's the way it's put most of the time. I mean, most flamers are very rude in their statements. That MoFoe guy absolutely infuriated me in his approach to critiquing, but even so, I left his review up on the site because it IS his opinion. I have no right to deprive anyone of any critiqueing. Though twh's flame was a bit better, it still pissed me off in the approach, and I appologize for the insult I shot back. I wasn't really thinking properly. As for Terra's critique, well sure I get a little irked when someone doesn't like my fics, but his approach to it was good and polite, (asside from the dumbass comment, but that was my own fault to begin with). I suppose my attitude is "It can't be all bad." and Terra's critique was spot on with that attitude.

I have to agree that at points, Adam shows up in forced ways at the beginning. I'll probably fix that with re-drafts once I'm finished with the whole thing. Also, they're mainly just stuff in the beginning that's really the forced parts. Once he's more integrated into the surroundings, it becomes more natural. Like I said, I'll see if I can work on that in re-writes.

I appologize for the romanji in my fanfics, but ever since I've started, that's been my style. I've found that I can't really write an Anime-based fanfic without having a bit of it in there, but also, since I realize that there are a few people who don't know romanji I try to work the meanings into the general vicinity of the words. Looking it over, again, it appears I've gotten a bit lax in that part, so I'll see what I can do on the re-drafts.

Thanks for the thing with the cheezy previews, by the way. It was more my poetic side that got a hold of me on that one, lol.

We all know that Destiny is a good show, but it could be better. One of the things I saw in there is that the show sure as hell wasn't funny enough! The only comedy relief was Arthur and the mechanics boys, and there was way too little to make it of quality. They needed a main character that was funny. I just happened to have an OC character model lying around from a fic that never got off the ground, so I figured "Why not make him funny and slap him into the middle of hell? How would that change the world around him for the better?" OFA was the result. Also, I've given him a little mystery to his character, which wasn't in the original plan, and gave hints to tell what it was. When I complete the fic, and you read the last chapter, you'll want to read it again, so you can see where I hid the clues. I can almost guarantee that.

I'm glad you at least got past the first chapter, Terra. Most people stop at that point because the pilot chapter is so long. Hope it seems at least a little better than Destiny. Oh, by the way, I'll probably be giving a much bigger part in the episode 44 chapter to Yzak so I can fill in the gaps. (This is not a plug, nor am I trying to win your favor.) Sadly, I don't know much about Yzak, since he was an original Seed character, and I haven't seen most of the episodes he's played a major role. Don't be surprised if I ask you for a hand on that one for dialogue, since you seem to be the expert on Yzak.

[Terracosmo]

Well okay, no problem, I suppose I was a bit harsh too perhaps but I have little patience for people who act like their stuff is perfect; but since it wasn't your intention then let's just forget the whole thing.

The pilot chapter did indeed strike me as long, but that wasn't really a problem as I believe that the first chapter should always be a bit longer to catch the interest.
And of course, all of your Yzak questions can be directed to me. [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img]

[PSJ]

Hmm this Fan fic made by Redemption2, i don't recognise any of the characters in it. All of them are changed.

Cagalli feels like a mother-type character Mariyu or Lacus are that kind of character, nice and calm but Cagalli is not. This Adam guy is just annoying and why did his father let him out from the shelter when they know nothing of what's outside? For all they know the war could still be raging. It would be alot more believable if he ran away.

When Kira first appeared he said The one time you made me try some, I instantly went into Berserker mode. Ah, youre up too, Murrue-san? First of all there is nothing called Berserker mode, second it feels out of character like most other lines all of them has.

It was a small jet aircraft. Stellar can't say a full sentance so saying that is completly impossible for her.

One thing i noticed to is that all the other Characters call the suits for Gundams, only Kira called Strike Gundam because it showed up at the screen, he connected the first letter of every word. When they are spoken of people call them by their codename or simply "that suit" if they don't know the codename.

[masamuneehs]

The biggest problem with writing fanfiction is that people almost always alter the characters to their view of 'how they should be'.

And PSJ pointed out rightly that removal of your OC is highly advisable, and that some of the dialogue is stilted. I find that reading all the dialouge aloud, thinking about what you want the character to say and their thought-process at the time, then saying it outloud will give you a totally different style of dialogue (generally more realistic) This might backfire with very old-fashioned characters who speak very formally.

[twh]

From what I gathered in the other posts, and rereading my own, I realized I could have reworded it better. My apologies. However, OCs and I have had a rather nasty relationship in the past and so, that's why disapprove of them on principal.

Someone doesn't like Heine?! That sounds impossible! No one can have enough of Heine Westenfluss! [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif[/img] Seriously; that's fine, but it's just so hard not to like the guy.

I second another poster when they recommended to get rid of the Japanese honorifics. This is in English, though it may be probable in Shinn's case, because he is of Japanese descent.

And my recommendation to put in some kind of dividers for the scenes still stands. It would help the reading pace considerably.

Moving on, I can understand the need for humor, but you have to understand that humor is in fact a very difficult thing to do. Oscar Wilde once said, 'Dying is easy, comedy is hard.' And he spoke true. I tried writing a humor story, but it ended up falling flat on its face because my critiquers didn't find it funny the way I did. So, you have to find a way for as many people as possible to find it funny, witty, and well-thought out.

Secondly, this is Gundam! And Gundam is about as unfunny as they come... unless you watch the Super Deformed Gundam anime shorts, which I found to be very funny.

I recently read a very hilarious Tekken fic where it all revolved around candy, bad yaoi cliches, and how characters react to said candy. The reason why it was funny was because it sounds like that's how a character would act when approached by said stimuli. (i.e. Paul Pheonix can't get the candy out of the machine, so he punches it in to get it! That's what Paul Pheonix does. [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img])

One does not need a 2D OC to bring humor to the story, there's always potential for such a thing, but it's hard to find. For example; Athrun's continuous angsting could be possibly contagious and consider what would some of the more perkier members of the Minerva would react if they were infected with Athrun's angst? Shinn's own psycho-angst would probably react violently, Luna would probably bemoan her poor choice of wardrobe, etc etc. The possibilities are endless, but it takes work and lots of rewrites.

In short; humor is never easy to write.

Whew, that was long, pointless, and preachy, wasn't it?

[RTX-008L]

if any of you can read chinese by any chance....i do have one

[Motteh]

to redemption2:
i just read a part of your fanfic and i find it to be quite a pleasant read too
but there are some things that i'm not so comfortable with,
first, the japanese phrases are distracting at best, i agree with the others that it might be better to remove them
i also agree with twh in that some scene dividing tool would be a good improvement
some jokes are quite good and put a smile on my face, but most of the time i find them misplaced or not that funny, but then again, as said before, humor is very complicated and difficult to get right
and last but not least, i think it's great you introduced the new character, Adam, but sometimes his participation feels too forced and his actions too unbelievable,
in my opinion you gave him too much skill and assests (used in combat) at the start,
after reading some of the later chapters you wrote i get the feeling he's becoming more leveled out,
don't get me wrong i'm not crushing your efforts or setting the very paper you write on on fire (in a manner of speech) but these are just some things that i think are open for improvement, of course it's totally up to you to decide what to do with it

[Miro69]

i tried my hardest to make it past the first chapter.. but sadly i could not do it. redemption2, i found your work to rather dialogue oriented. lack of scene description really makes the story feel so empty. all i read for the first twenty or so lines was dialogue, with the occasional character actions here and there. and at that point, i could not read any longer, because it just didn't flow right. from what i read, adam DID seem like a gary stu... i mean the guy who's been in a SHELTER for a year... a teen, somehow kills two police officers. like motteh said, his participation feels forced and his actions too unbelievable.

this may seem harsh, but just a critique. just to make one thing clear, flame != critique. i could really go into detail of stuff that just didnt feel right about the first chapter, but i couldn't make it farther than a quarter of the first chapter so i'll stop here.