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Wow I stand corrected, kick that p.o.s. to the curb. It sounds like you were friends and then became roommates? You can say it's not his fault because of mental issues, but in the end if those issues are causing you this kind of trouble, then he's a bad friend. If he refuses to get help, then you should get away from him.
Someone stealing from you is not your friend. Kick him out.
Does mental health exist (free social work counselling etc) where you live, so that he can get help? Have you warned him about further stealing and what the consequences of that would be?
Free mental health? no, his family get him a part of the treatment he SHOULD be taking, i`ve never adressed the stealing thing, i`m afraid it would worsen his condition.
Letting him steal from you is not helping him either. That will eventually lead to him stealing from others when the opportunity arises, and others are generally not as forgiving as you are.
Put a lock on your door and/or GTFO.
Letting someone steal from you is basically enabling them, no matter how "mentally ill" they are.
Why would he put a lock on his door and GTFO?
That sounds sad. You are nicer and far more naive than I thought. Yes I was referring to the random letters. It is depressing how much experience I have dealing with this crap, most telling is that my initial reaction to reading your post was That it?Quote:
Originally Posted by UChessmaster
Here are some simple rules. For your first example, ensure that your friend and everyone else knows that you are not at all responsible for his crap. Reinforce this by not taking any responsibility. As far as the stealing thing goes you should have confronted him and put a stop to it as soon as you noticed it. If he needs help financially let him ask for it like any decent human being. If he has too much pride or he is too ashamed then too bad. Instead you not only ignored the problem but facilitated it and this point any kind of confrontation will indeed make things worse but it has to be addressed. Hell this is depressing..... there comes a point when the best thing you can do for someone, and for yourself for that matter, is to let them go. Sounds like you are about there. Come up with a plan of action and implement it. You will undoubtedly appear as the bad guy so just harden your resolve, be firm and make sure your actions don't contradict your intentions.
I have a far graver, uh situation, that I have to resolve that I have been putting off for months now mostly because there is no good outcome. I decided that I would have to address the problem once the month ends which pretty much gives me less than a day to actually decide how best to go about it.
*Sigh* Ruining peoples lives is something you never get used to and in my case being too direct isn't an option. They are either likely to react violently to that which I am just not going to stand for or just shatter which I would like to avoid. Dealing with people who have fragile psyches is always complicated which is something you really have to consider with your friend. Irrational people don't react the way you think they would. Uh life's many complications.
Lol. One does not preclude the other?Quote:
Originally Posted by shinta|hikari
Just because it is possible doesn't mean it makes sense.
Regardless if the roommate stays/goes, you should have boundaries with any roommate such as locking bedroom doors.Quote:
Originally Posted by shinta|hikari
Roommates share the bedroom. Are you confusing it with flatmates/housemates?Quote:
Originally Posted by Animeniax
Not in America. No one shares a bedroom unless you're lovers or live in a single-room dorm.Quote:
Originally Posted by Buffalobiian
Ah.Quote:
Originally Posted by Animeniax
You guys are weird.
In that case.. lock the doors.
Wait, doesn't GTFO mean that Uchess himself leaves? I mean, the subject of that sentence is him.
I'm not sure why UChess says that talking about the thieving will be bad for his friend's mental state, but it's the best course of action.
Roommates live in the same room and suitemates live in the same apartment at my school, but it really depends on how the people in your area decide to categorize it.
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He should put a lock on his door (immediately) and GTFO (eventually). Why he should GTFO (eventually) on top of locking his door (immediately) is explained below.Quote:
Originally Posted by shinta|hikari
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Because confronting this guy in any way, shape or form will obviously upset him. I come across an emotionally unstable person every now and then and they always blow a gasket every time you point out something questionable they're doing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Buffalobiian
But it must be done because letting them emotionally and financially (in UChess's case) depend on you does nothing but sucks you dry. If you do, they have no reason to fix themselves or attempt to strengthen their own psyche because they can just leech off of you to make up for their own deficiencies.
Trust me UChess, this guy doesn't think it's his fault either, and that's part of the problem. Really, letting this guy go and telling it like it is makes the world a better place.
And UChess, if he threatens to hurt you, call the authorities. And this is me, the person who hates the local authorities, telling you this lol. Good luck.
Got it. The way it was written initially, I thought he should put a lock on then leave, which makes absolutely no sense.
UChess may not have the resources to leave immediately. From what he's saying, I'm guessing he is under a lease with either an apartment or a dorm. Both places, he'd have to stay in until the contract runs out.
He probably doesn't live with the crazy guy, so that's nice, but his possessions are still out in the open enough for the girls to go into his room without his consent and for people to steal from him, so he should try to secure his stuff as much as possible by getting a lock (or safe) immediately.
I'd just report the guy to the police.
I really have trouble understanding Uchess' leniency. I am more inclined to be lenient to strangers when they intentionally try to harm/steal/insult me in any way. People are generally assholes anyway, so it is kind of expected. However, if a "friend" does that to you, I consider it betrayal, and betrayal is probably the worst offense in my book. I'd kill that bastard if I could get away with it.
He mentioned that he's taking the guy's mental instability into consideration. It's called empathy and compassion. That should only go so far though. Uchess, you definitely should confront the guy, but also account for his instability before you do. Calling the authorities does you little good after he's already harmed you. It may even be impossible to call them depending on how much he's harmed you. So when you do confront him, have some reassurance in the form of more others waiting very nearby (within view or earshot) yet not participating in the confrontation. They're there to protect you should the guy get violent.Quote:
Originally Posted by shinta|hikari
I might be overreacting, but I don't know the guy and can't be sure of just how unstable he is. I'll say that him stealing from you isn't a good sign though. In my experience, if people steal from you, they don't give much of a shit about you. Meaning, they're more likely to be willing to harm you.