GotWoot Story Contest - Semi-Finals - Round 3 [Archive]

DeadlyOats

Mon, 08-29-2011, 02:56 PM

Wow! What good stories! Picking first choice was easy, but picking second choice was very hard for me. I liked Chat, but I found it hard to follow towards the end - even though the narrator warned me where the confusing dialogue was. I wish the writer had done some work to clear it up a little. I still liked the story very much, but second choice went to Slider.

Warning!! Spoilers ahead!

Warning!! Spoilers ahead!

Slider was greatly improved. There was some foreshadowing in the form of the migraine, and the whirlwind date was better described. And the ending cleaned up all the loose ends by pointing back to the foreshadowed migraine from earlier. However, there are still some questions - in my mind, but those are good questions. For example: was her green tinted migraine and her date with her green-eyed-shrimpy friend products of an alien parasite that invaded her brain, or was it simply a brain tumor - but if it was just a tumor, why was there green slime on it? ( <--< Would that be considered a run-on sentence?) Stories that make me ask questions because of greater implications are a lot of fun. It's how sequels are made (sometimes).

My first choice was Friendship. That story was improved 1010%. There was more character development, more dialogue, more details about the game they played, more, more, more! And the ending... Even though they had to part ways, was bittersweet. You felt bad for their having to part ways, but you felt good for the new resolve Ken had for making friends, and not to be a loner anymore. The 'new-game-buried-under-the-tree' ending was replaced with parting words, in a hand-written letter, that was better than just a new trinket.

All three stories had some minor editorial glitches: punctuation, repeated repeated words, etc. That sort of thing. However, I did not let that get in the way of enjoying them. That said, Chat could have taken second (in my mind), if some editorial work was done to further reduce the confusion of the dialogue (who was saying what, when). That confusion broke the pace of the story; I was forced to re-read several passages, and those interruptions were like watching a glitch-ridden DVD. The movie is good, but the glitches get in the way and brings you back to the real-world.