Marriage - Overated? Milestone? Luxury?

[Buffalobiian]

I'm not sure about other countries, but I see a lot of single parents (usually female) here, as well as some family members who have ran into either martial disharmony or divorce.

What are your thoughts on marriage these days? What is it to you.. an expense, an experience, a promise, a tradition?

How important is it really? Is getting married an aim in life, or should you just let it come by whenever fate decides it? Should it actually be avoided?

Do you regret marrying, or are you enjoying it?

I used to think of marriage as something humans should experience once (and if you're fortunate, once only). You make promises to your partner that you'll love them forever and ever, that your love will never change.

But people do change. That's a fact. You will. Your partner will. As long as you live and experience new experiences, one would (and should) change. That change isn't exactly something you can control with your own hands, and it may one day impact on your relationship with your partner.

Is it your fault that you grow not to love someone anymore, or to love someone else in addition? Have you changed? Or is it them?

When you're bound by marriage, what does that mean? When your heart changes, should you let marriage bind you? Should people try to salvage a crumbling relationship simply because they're "married" and "should" stay together? Divorce is just a signature away.

Is marriage as enduring as diamond or as flimsy as rice paper? Is it a red string that binds lovers, or shackles that trap people's souls?

Right now, I don't really care about trying to get married. I'm not even sure if marriage as it stands now is that good an idea. It's sweet and all, but when things go sour, it just complicates things.

Is it such a great milestone to have under your belt, or is it just a liability?

[The Heretic Azazel]

Marriage doesn't mean anything to me aside from having certain rights. Marriage is a contract, nothing but a piece of paper as far as I'm concerned. What's more, it's not just that people change, marriage changes them. I have known too many people who were perfectly happy as a couple, sometimes for years on end, but when they got married it all went to shit. I can't explain why that is, but it seems like nothing but a curse.

[David75]

Marriage doesn't mean anything to me aside from having certain rights. Marriage is a contract, nothing but a piece of paper as far as I'm concerned.

I should add I did marry for those reasons and because it's important for others...

Regarding love and happy couple life, I had that prior to the wedding, and it didn't change a thing after the wedding.

There were some other very private reasons, only married couples can do some things we had to do. But we did not urge anything for those reasons.

The moment was fine, we had been a strong couple for a long time, so it was that moment, like any other. Eventhough most of the reasons were practicalties, we didn't really do it for those.

As for the turning sour, I'm not on that road and hope I won't get there.

[animus]

I should add I did marry for those reasons and because it's important for others...

Regarding love and happy couple life, I had that prior to the wedding, and it didn't change a thing after the wedding.

There were some other very private reasons, only married couples can do some things we had to do. But we did not urge anything for those reasons.

The moment was fine, we had been a strong couple for a long time, so it was that moment, like any other. Eventhough most of the reasons were practicalties, we didn't really do it for those.

As for the turning sour, I'm not on that road and hope I won't get there.

Probaby because you're a french sex god.

[Uchiha Barles]

The concept of marriage is a beautiful thing. The problem is, like heretic said, not only do people change, marriage changes people. I actually think I know why though. Usually, it's because at least one of the persons in the couple see's marriage as a milestone, a turning point. If it's seen that way, then it's logical that things should change once marriage has occured. If both partners are not on the same page in the sense that they both agree that things should change, and how they should change, then conflict is going to arise. How long that takes depends on how long the disappointed partner(s) are willing to put up with the disappointment.
I think if you're going to get married, you should only get married if you're willing to be married to your partner as they are at the time you decide you want to marry. That decision should only happen after you have an excellent idea of who the person is and will be in the forseable future. If both partners can manage that, then I think you can eliminate the problem of marriage changing people. Marriage shouldn't be a milestone or a turning point, it should be an acknowledgement of something already there.

[The Heretic Azazel]

The concept of marriage is a beautiful thing. The problem is, like heretic said, not only do people change, marriage changes people. I actually think I know why though. Usually, it's because at least one of the persons in the couple see's marriage as a milestone, a turning point. If it's seen that way, then it's logical that things should change once marriage has occured.

I personally think it changes people because you're finally "settling" with someone. All of a sudden your quirky, possibly annoying habits come to light. So you marry this person and what is important to understand is that you treat a husband/wife differently from a boyfriend/girlfriend. In marriage it's not cool to be out in the late hours, to otherwise live the bachelor life and eventually the wife castrates you to the point that you have to spend all your free time with her. For that reason, marriage always looked like a very stuffy, often one-sided arrangement to me, closing in on you until you can't breathe. And I'm damn claustrophobic, I can't have anyone smothering me. I think once you're married you don't need to impress your significant other, you've bagged your prey and you feel no need to impress anyone anymore. Consequently you often feel no need to better yourself, you settle for what you have.

David, obviously what I am saying does not apply to everyone, it just seems to have gotten worse over the years with most people I know. For having a healthy, balanced relationship with your wife I truly feel you're a minority. Good job copain.

[Uchiha Barles]

You know, that's exactly my point. When you say "you treat a girlfriend differently than you treat a wife", I'm saying you don't marry a girl you're not already treating like a wife. And mind you, how one treats a wife is subject to a great deal of variability (same thing with how a wife treats a husband). Not all women try to "suffocate" their husbands with their constant presence, and not all men require their wives be home, waiting on their arrival. I know you understand this, but the extent to which this is true might surprise you.

I actually a know a few couples who got married, and still do the hanging out thing. I get to see either of the members chilling at a bar we frequent and often times the partners aren't there. For one of the couples, that changed ONLY when they had a kid. If you're going to raise a family, then it's kind of necessary that things begin to change. Now of course, these are young couples who've been married for just a few years, but I haven't noticed any change whatsoever in their social lives, except for the couple that had the baby. They don't complain about each other either.

I know I'm not part of the marriage, so I'm not privy to what happens between the couples when I'm not around, but if they seem happy with each when they're hanging out together, and happy with themselves when their hanging out apart, that's about as good an indication as you can get without being their therapist.

Oh, forgot to mention something about those quirky traits that tend to magically appear in your partner after marriage. Well, I'll amend something I said earlier: only a marry a girl you're already treating like a wife, and who's already treating you like a husband, assuming you like how she's treating you. I don't know about the quirky traits that may or may not have revealed themselves in the couples I mentioned, but I for one will NOT marry a girl who I believe is remaining too guarded to be herself around me. No one's perfect, everyone annoys me to some extent. If my girl doesn't annoy me, she's perfect, and thus she's lying.

[Raven]

I think people feel very trapped once married, "holy shit, this is it forever". If you're just a normal bf/gf couple then if need be you can easily break up if need be. But marriage is a legally binding contract and it can be viewed as a be all and end all by some people.I guess that's why divorce rates are so high.

Random crazy thought: what would happen if one day divorce was illegal? It meant that once you're married to someone you're legally bound to that person for the rest of both your lives. It would have to be a financial/asset based rule because obviously you can't force people to live together. But I think we'd have a hell of a lot less marriages in society in general, especially those that you see, shake your head and say "there's no way that'll last" when they've rushed into it after 6 months.

[David75]

I think people feel very trapped once married, "holy shit, this is it forever". If you're just a normal bf/gf couple then if need be you can easily break up if need be. But marriage is a legally binding contract and it can be viewed as a be all and end all by some people.I guess that's why divorce rates are so high.

Random crazy thought: what would happen if one day divorce was illegal? It meant that once you're married to someone you're legally bound to that person for the rest of both your lives. It would have to be a financial/asset based rule because obviously you can't force people to live together. But I think we'd have a hell of a lot less marriages in society in general, especially those that you see, shake your head and say "there's no way that'll last" when they've rushed into it after 6 months.


Well, in some countries like France, adultery isn't considered a legitimate reason for divorce anymore. They also simplified the procedures for divorce. But of course some other countries are a lot more strict....

[Death BOO Z]

then that would be a good time to invest in the assassinations business.
other than that, the legitimacy for out of marriage relationship will rise, you'd see a whole lot more people working far away from home, and parents-children (especially fathers) connection will also take a dive.

there would still be people who get married five months into the relationship, because they're stupid, and there's no cure for that.

[KitKat]

Well, here's my whole view of marriage, and though I'm not married myself, I know plenty of people with healthy lasting marriages, as well as those who've had their marriages crumble, so I've seen both sides.

From my perspective, marriage should be a lifelong commitment. It's not a commitment to be entered into lightly, nor for just the sake of convenience. I also believe that it represents a spiritual reality, something different than just a regular promise to someone. Does marriage change people? Absolutely, and I think it should. When/if I get married, I want my husband to be someone who is always challenging me to grow and mature as a person, and to excel in all areas of my life, and I hope that I'd be able to do the same for him. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and I think the beauty of a marriage relationship is being able to recognize that these things can be complementary to each other.

One of the reasons I think that marriages fail is because people don't see it as a lifelong commitment anymore. They go to the altar and say, "till death do us part" but think in the back of their minds, "If things go wrong, we can just get a divorce." We live in a culture where everything is about instant gratification. People have a sense of entitlement to get whatever they want whenever they want it. They want to get married, so they get married. They want a divorce, they get a divorce. It doesn't really mean anything to them.

Another thing that contributes to divorce is that it's the easy way out. It's much easier to just get out of the marriage altogether instead of working through their issues together. I have no illusions that marriage is always going to be jellybeans and rainbows. The truth is that it requires a certain amount of work. Loving someone isn't just a feeling, it's a lifestyle. If I "feel" in love with my hypothetical husband, but don't respect him with my actions, then I don't really love him. Emotions are unreliable, and a true test of love is how you treat someone even on those days when you're cranky and grumpy, and don't especially feel like loving them, but you choose to treat them with love anyhow. When/if I decide to enter into a marriage commitment, I'm fully prepared for there to be misunderstandings, fights, failings, issues from the past that will come between us. But I'm determined not to run from these things, rather to work through them together and I know that the relationship will be all the more stronger and deeper because of that. I don't want a relationship based upon selfishness, the "what can I get out of this" attitude. I want a marriage where my heart is for my husband to excel and be the best, and to have that be his heart for me, no matter what happens.

When a relationship stops growing, when it becomes stagnant, that's the beginning of things starting to break down. When people refuse to change, refuse to listen to another point of view, their marriages become strangled by pride and bitterness. Sometimes these things start really small and people don't even recognize it until it's too late. They put off dealing with things, and suddenly a small problem has become a large problem and then they're signing divorce papers and working out custody agreements. I think that people who have really successful marriages are those who have been vigilant about catching and dealing with those problems at the beginning. They're proactive about guarding their marriage, and determined to keep a healthy relationship. It needs to go both ways though. Both people need to have this attitude or else the relationship becomes one-sided and unbalanced.

Maybe I sound overly idealistic, but I've seen really successful marriages like that, and I want mine to be one of them. When/if I get married I'll let you guys know if I achieve these goals, lol.

So anyhow, marriage isn't the be-all and end-all of my life like it is for some people. I think it would be cool to be married provided I found a person I'd be willing to spend my life with, but I'm not in a hurry and certainly don't want to rush into it. I don't want to have kids, so I don't feel the pressure that some women do to find a husband before they're past their prime child-birthing years. I could probably write another whole paragraph on my view of marriage as it pertains to children and family, but it's getting late, and this post is already too long. So yeah, I'm pretty content to ride out this adventure of my life wherever it takes me, and if it takes me to someone who'll join me for the rest of the ride, that's awesome, but if not, whatever, I'm still having fun =)

[itadakimasu]

Ball + Chain

im currently in the dog house because my wifes parents came to do a couple of things around our house ( they're contractors ) and... it basically turned into a contruction site AGAIN.

So, the whole drama is because I asked her if there were a bunch of poeple over there yesterday, and when she repled YES!!! I opted to grab a burger at sonic instead of eating lunch w\ her parents and the 4 guys that work w\ them who I don't know and don't care to know.

My wife fails to understand that I only go home to eat lunch because it gives me a break away from people... and if there are 8 people in my house and a mess everywhere, it defeats the purpose. she just insists that i'm avoiding her parents which is only partially true. I might go see a movie instead of going home to a freezing messy house where there is likely hammering and other random loud noises happening.

*sigh*

[samsonlonghair]

I can honestly say that marriage is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

[darkshadow]

.....
I actually a know a few couples who got married, and still do the hanging out thing. I get to see either of the members chilling at a bar we frequent and often times the partners aren't there. For one of the couples, that changed ONLY when they had a kid. If you're going to raise a family, then it's kind of necessary that things begin to change. Now of course, these are young couples who've been married for just a few years, but I haven't noticed any change whatsoever in their social lives, except for the couple that had the baby. They don't complain about each other either.
......


And that's precisely the reason why I don't see any point to marriage.
What is the point of it if you can be perfectly happy without it? Why go through all the legal stuff, organizing and financial proceedings, just to say: "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you".
It just seems incredibly pointless to me. If I ever get married, it will be after she really really really wants it and proposes to me, since I will never ask a woman to marry me, ever.

[Stitch]

I would love to get married to this one girl I know, if only because she'd look fucking gorgeous in a wedding dress, and every motherfucker out there would know she isn't just my girl because I say so. She's my girl because she said so, and so does the law. We are now one, and y'all bitches better motherfuckin' recognize! KONOHA 4 LYFE

[animus]

I don't think you can marry your Playstation 3 yet, Stitch.

[Stitch]

How did you know about my love affair with the PlayStation 3? SHHHH! Don't let my PlayStation 2 find out. I don't want her to think she's getting too old for me. Homegirl still knows how to kick it, if you know what I mean. Haha.

[Pandadice]

i'm just holding out for this to be passed http://img407.imageshack.us/img407/8174/shrug.gif

http://xorsyst.com/japan/petition-to-marry-2d-characters/ (didn't take the time to find a better article <.<)