The meaning to YOUR life - do you have one?

[Buffalobiian]

Following up from this: http://forums.gotwoot.net/showthread.php?p=429254&postcount=493

What keeps you driving in your life? Why do you get out of bed everyday, knowing that every night, you'll just fall asleep again (if you're lucky enough to get sleep), and wake up the next day? Why bother? Are you simply functioning so you can survive, to survive so you can function?

Do you have dreams or wishes? Why is that? Why do you want to achieve it? Does it take effort? Is it worth it? What happens if you get it? Will you be happy?

Is there anything you care about? That you really want to do, or love doing right now? Why do you like it so much? Why spend the effort? What's the reward? Does there need to be one? What if there's nothing of that sort, and you live a pretty passionless life, is there a problem to that?

[Pandadice]

such nihilistic questions..

i use to wake up only to watch anime, and i actually hated sleeping, because it took away from my anime watching time. but then, work isn't that bad. it gets me money for food afterall, and i do enjoy eating.

but nowadays i'm just so apathetic to anime.. the only ones that I even feel like watching anymore would be Lupin vs Conan, which i plan to watch with friends when they get time, and then I watched the newest ep of Eve no Jikan, just because that's such an awesome anime..

but now i'm bored of this simple anime viewing life.. i dream of adventure, and long to experience it everyday. something new, something fresh. i'm gonna find my adventure, and then I fear I might fade from this community. :\

[Cal_kashi]

That's a lot of questions. I'll answer as time permits in many edits of this post.
Such loaded questions too =P.
Life's purpose/the meaning of life/ my life's goals: I've boiled it down to one thing.
To do my part such that the world is a better place when I leave it, because of my actions.
However such a holistic outlook does little to address the more fine-grained inquires you've put forth. more to come later.

[David75]

Sex

Just as simple as that.
And sometimes having a uber great time in a restaurant.

Third would be to feel emotions from a show, be it laughing, almost crying or speechless.


Other than that, I admitt there isn't much that is worth it.

[Assertn]

Sex

Just as simple as that.
And sometimes having a uber great time in a restaurant.

Third would be to feel emotions from a show, be it laughing, almost crying or speechless.


Other than that, I admitt there isn't much that is worth it.

Lol, are you serious?

http://img196.imageshack.us/img196/9748/loltuh.jpg

I see you've gone far in your hierarchy of needs.

Seriously though...
Sex is good and all, but its better as a means towards a greater sense of fulfillment, rather than just the act itself.

[David75]

Maslow Pyramid and the meaning to my life are two different things.
Plus Maslow Pyramid is theoretical, real life is quite different ;)

But you're right to argue, I meant High quality sex and love sharing.

I could care less about problem solving, morality (highly culture related... or is it only law related in this case?), respect by others.

[Assertn]

There's a certain satisfaction to be had by exceeding peoples' expectations of yourself.
A sense of continuous accomplishment never gets boring.

[David75]

There's a certain satisfaction to be had by exceeding peoples' expectations of yourself.
A sense of continuous accomplishment never gets boring.
The first part:
Well it's a lot of energy for not much. It's alsojust an illusion most of the time.
People's expectations? I've become very cautious of them, because these are a make do for dreams they aren't able to fulfill and impose on you most of the time.

And the continuous accomplishment, well I fail to know what this is I admitt, but living with someone you truly love and who loves you back the same probably is a nice alternative.

[Xelbair]

I just try to enjoy life and have as much fun as possible and take bad sides with stoic calmness. I try to find beauty in everything i see(i wish i could take good photos - i have a lot of great ideas for photos but i lack skill to take them), etc.
Also i enjoy learning new things - that is one of my reasons.
and also i like damned romantic ideas deep in heart - which annoys me deeply sometimes - i just can't do some things most of people do thanks to that...

//drunkpost but true one

[Killa-Eyez]

My meaning to life is to do whatever is necessary to enable the things I love to do. Be as good a person as I can be, maybe find a love who can return mine. Find the right balance to the fun, and not so fun part of life. I'm a libra, and I hope I can weigh out the not so fun part a little with lots of fun! :p Make myself satisfied with my life, personality and the people that surround me. Influence people in a positive way and leave behind a legacy. I've always wanted to be a ninja since I was a little kid and I remember that to not forget who I am.. A NINJA!

[darkshadow]

Entertainment, creating and enjoying it.

[XanBcoo]

I see you've gone far in your hierarchy of needs.
I think what he's describing is "sexual intimacy", which is slightly higher up :p.


such nihilistic questions..

Such loaded questions too
There's nothing about his questions that are nihilistic, and neither are they "loaded". You two don't know what those words mean.

I'm afraid I can't really answer your questions, Buffalobiian, because I'm still looking for the answers myself. There is nothing that I have driving me right now, and I only get out of bed everyday because of some sense of obligation that I haven't been able to rationalize. I feel myself being disinterested in many of the things I was once passionate about. I'm sure I will come out of this rut, but right now I feel like I'm drifting.

I suppose I'm at a time in my life where I need to start defining myself by what I do, as well as by who I am. It's a little scary. I've gone through a lot of emotional changes recently, and I feel like I'm 16 again and have no idea who I am.

The only dreams or wishes I have are still vague concepts to me. Several of the lower rungs on that pyramid, for example, are things which I still find myself striving to achieve. Safety, Belonging, and Esteem are all areas in which I feel I am lacking. However, I am not afraid to work for these things and I am confident I will be happy once I have done so.

tl;dr: "Excretion"

What about you, Buff?

[Buffalobiian]

Me? I don't think I've ever gotten past the age of 16. I'm just as unsure of myself now as I was back when I was picking universities and tertiary courses. Only now that I've picked one and am 1 year away from finishing, logic and lack of effort are keeping me from changing. Not that I'd know what to change to anyway.

Now that the end of the road is coming near, and I'll have to make more choices, I'm forced to rethink about what it is I want to do, and why I want to do whatever I said I want to do.

I'm a pharmacy student, that's how I identify myself, but that'll no longer be the case when I graduate. If things go smoothly, I'll be a pre-reg pharmacist, or maybe a medical student. But what else am I? Am I simply a member of a profession? Is that simply a job, or something with a higher sense of satisfaction than just money? I don't know. Do I find satisfaction in practicing? Not particularly.


What else am I? A pianist? I've stopped playing for about 6 months due to time constraints, and I don't really miss it. Without a real interest in it, and playing almost mechanical-like, can I still call myself one?


As if to test it, I've skipped classes for the past few days to do various things, like watching a movie or sleeping, or buying stuff I want. I didn't feel any urge to to back or guilt about not turning up to class, now that they're not compulsory. I should be more interested in what I do, or do what I'm interested in, but I'm not hooked by anything.

Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and think about why I should bother waking up for a class. When I'm there, I sleep through half of them anyway.

Taking recent happenings as examples, the only drive I've experienced lately are all materialistic. The urge to get a headset, the urge to get a game, and most recently, the urge to get a figurine (which I haven't yet accomplished). I'm not a shoppaholic, and am far from it in terms of impulsive buying, wanting to spend money, or overspending planned amounts. It's just that I'm just "living" to satisfy those basic needs, and random materialistic wants from time to time.

Eating, sleeping and entertainment are all that I tend to think about. I'm not a bum, but I could well act like one if given the chance, and if not for the fear of social marginalisation and financial insecurity.

I'm looking for a reason to get off my ass and do something.

--------------------------------
lost my edit. Short rewrite:

Back in school, and highschool, I worked to meet my parent's, then my teachers' and my peer's expectations. Being somewhat gifted at study, it was all that I could identify myself with really. So I strived to be, and stayed at the top for my subjects. Soon, this expectation became my own expectations. I started stiving because I myself was wanting to get these higher marks. Subconsciously, I do think I wanted to impress, to show what I could do. Even if the few hunks and stuff teased, I continued to pursue academically, satisfied in knowing at least someone knows what I'm doing, and acknowledges it, whether it's in a positive way or not.

Then can tertiary education, where everybody's on their own. You look after your own studies. You work to meet your own expectations. Soon, I found that I had none. There's no point in aiming for the top anymore. Where is the top anyway. I suddenly didn't feel obliged to work that hard anymore. And like an infection, it made me question all my other actions. Why do I bother doing them? More often than not, it's not because I want to. So why then? What are the things I want to do? Answers are mostly those basic needs on the piyramid. So is that all there is to me? An organism just getting along, surviving day after day. Doing what's necessary to exist.

Simply, physically, existing.

Is that living? Is that a life?

[darkshadow]

... I should be more interested in what I do, or do what I'm interested in, but I'm not hooked by anything....

Another thing I say is if you really want something, so not talking about your urges to splurge some money, you should just reach out and touch it. As in, if you want something, go for it.
Even if end result is less then ideal or even worse then where you started of, cause if you don't you will hate yourself, or at least regret, in the future for not at least trying.

[KitKat]

Oh my gosh, so many questions. I'll see if I can answer some of them, as they pertain to my life and experience.

First up, your most recent question - is just physically existing "living"? In the technical sense of the word, yes. But it's like being on a sports team and only sitting on the sidelines, never actually playing.

My life is an epic adventure. Every day is different, and every day brings new opportunities. I've entrusted my future to God and though I'm not quite sure where I'll end up, I know that it will be awesome. Even when things are tough and life is painful, I can still be joyful. It's taken me a lot of time to get to this point, and I asked myself a lot of these questions along the way. Sure I have things I'm passionate about like knitting and anime and physics, but apart from the greater purpose of my life, these things mean nothing. I'm not so much trying to reach a goal as I'm on a journey, and each day of the journey matters. Is it worth it? Absolutely, more than I ever imagined. Am I happy? Well, happiness is not quite the right word, because it's negated by sadness. I'd say perhaps that there is an underlying current of peace and joyfulness, despite what my emotions of the day may be. I know who I am and I know that I am meaningful and significant.

You are unique. You have so much potential. Your life can have as much or as little meaning and impact as you decide to claim for yourself. Sometimes you just need to see your life from a new perspective. Bill, maybe you should consider spending some time volunteering. You might find that through helping other people, you actually do care more than you realized. I count myself as one among the people on this forum who truly cares about you, and I'm praying that you find the meaning and purpose that you're looking for as well as a passion that will totally revolutionize your life.

[Xelbair]

From what i just read i see that your way of life is similar to mine - discover the world, enjoy the life and don't go "world hates me!" when things go bad but face them.

But our basic point is different - you chose God, i chose doing what I like to(which mostly is having fun, helping friends and family(I bitch sometimes about it but i really enjoy it) and my hobbys(reading, anime, guitar, RPG, swordfighting, games)) because I just want to.

[Uchiha Barles]

Whoa...nice topic.

Well, My meaning of life...I guess in a discussion like this, I have to mention that I'm a spiritual person, and somewhat religious (christianity). I try my best to live within the framework set forth by the concepts found in that spirituality and religion. That framework does allow for a lot different pursuits in life though, which I don't really think any one person can cover.

The way I choose to spend my time is to wake up, train my body (flexibility, strength training, martial arts, jogging), train my mind (music, math/science), make money, and continue to grow the relationships I have. Now, I don't train my body and mind for the sake of training them. I do it because I enjoy to an extremely high degree some of the activities listed there. I love martial arts. LOVE it. For me, it's not about harming another human being. It's about play and competition. Using one's own body to outwit, outmaneuver, and ultimately outplay another person. The joy comes not in the end result for me, but the process. I love the little things, the intricacies that happen in a sparring match, and to a lesser degree, an actual fight.The other things I mentioned are all done to support my martial arts.

For the mental training, I love all the activities listed. For music, it's the end result that matters more than the process. I love having skill on the guitar, not so much practicing (though it is necessary, so I do it). I love having skill at writing and composing music, not so much the process of building it. I also love to listen to the finished products of others (if I deem it 'good'). Ultimately, I want to be able to play the things I hear in my head, and improve the things I hear in my head. For math and science, both the process and the end result are important to me. It's the process of discovery is enjoyable to me, and the end result of discovery is clearer (every so slightly) understanding of the reality I live in. Furthermore, the end results and process feed off each other. Discovery leads to understanding, and understanding to further discovery. This appeals to me.

Relationships in my life are extremely important. I have two kind I care a lot about: Family, and friends. I love both of them, and in fact, I barely differentiate between the two. The only difference, is that I understand that friends are less likely to view me as actual family than family is. These things guide how I treat the important people in my life. Spending time with these people is generally wonderful. Whether we set out to do certain activities together, like snowboarding, dining, training, or simply embark on chill/bullshit sessions, it's always wonderful. Sex is great, but I think I differ a bit from David in this respect. While I don't accept cheating, at all, I can accept not having sex. Sex should only be done with a person you're emotionally intimate with imo, but at the same time, I can take it or leave it. I think I get most of the intimacy I seek, without sex. That might explain it.

Now, making money...well that's simple. Most of everything I described above, requires money. I want to protect and provide for those I care for, myself included. I want all our necessities met, and then some, so that we can live, instead of survive. By "live", I mean pursue those things that bring us joy and fulfillment. That is the role of money for me. My bank account is not my "Scorecard of life." And I don't seek or use it to impress. I use it simply to meet, as much as possible, the needs of those I care for that we can spend our time and energy on the wonderful things in life which aren't necessary to survive.

These are the reasons I bother to wake up in the morning

[Uchiha Barles]

I apologize for the double posting, but my previous post was long, and I felt compelled to reply to Buffalobian's post.

@ Buff:

I feel for you. All my life I've felt the pressure of meeting other people's expectations, but I consider myself lucky in life for one reason: no matter how many voices spoke to me from the outside, my voice was always present, it always had something to say, and it was never drowned out. What I mean by that is that there were times when I had to meet expectations, but I never, ever once forgot what it is I wanted to do, and I never lacked the want to do something.
If you'll hear it, I'd like to give you some advice.

1) Ensure that you have everything set up for a financially secure future. Because of the things you've already done, the path of least resistance to that is to finish up your education and basically do the things you've already mentioned.

2) This one is extremely important. Create the opportunity for you to have a chance to explore things. This means first and foremost, don't take on any more obligations than is absolutely necessary. Not at this point your life. I don't mean your age either, I mean the point you're at emotionally and spiritually. Free up as much of your time as you can, so you can use it to actively pursue things you haven't pursued before.

3) If you manage to do 1 and 2, for each activity you pick, I recommend both looking into the details of the activities, and stepping back, and looking at how these activities fit into the the rest of what you do with your life. The point of this is, you may find joy in the details, or you may find joy in the puzzle, or both.
I'll use music as an example since you play piano. You can likely recognized musical compositions that require a good deal of technical ability to play. You can also probably recognize melodies and harmonies that are particularly beautiful and/or interesting. You can probably recognize compositions that are interestingly complex or cleverly simple. For each of the things I've mentioned, you may even be able to pinpoint just what makes them as I described. This would be looking at the detail.
For stepping back, you'd want to not so much focus on those details, but simply listen. You'd want to almost "let the music run through you". When I do that (and I fully understand that music may not be the way to go for you), I find that the music reminds me of things, of people, and places. The music draws out emotions, sometimes soothing, sometimes energizing, sometimes sending me into contemplation. As a result of doing these things for years with music, I now almost always have a soundtrack in my head that fits the experiences I go through. And almost all music I hear reminds me of experiences I've been through. This is wonderful to me.

Now, that is not to say that every activity can net you this particular enjoyement or fulfillment, or that any activity has certain enjoyment or fulfillment to give you. My hope is, that some activity has some kind of fulfillment and enjoyment for you. Whatever it is, as long as it's something you look forward to experiencing. You might try just hanging out with people, and there are different people to meet and get to know. Might try picking up a sport. Maybe traveling, or learning about our world be it it's people and cultures, it's foods, it's natural beauty or the underlying mechanics of why and how it even exists. Whatever you choose, apply the things I mentioned in step 3. Or at least try to.

Here's to hoping this helps you out. Even if I don't know you, I can't imagine not knowing what makes me tick, and it pains me a bit to hear that another human being doesn't.

[lilphatboi88]

Wow, great insight and advice from everybody. Knowing that there are such wise people around, I was wondering if I can get a question answered.

I'm at the point in my life where I got one year left in college. I will be majoring in International Studies, China concentration. My problem is, I want to achieve something great in this world, make a real significant change that will help people. However, I don't know how I can achieve this goal and I agree with UCHIHA BARLES, I need money to do the things I want to do.

I don't have a job. I am working to increase my accumulated GPA so that Grad School is an option in the future. And I really don't know what I can do, or will do with my major.

Can you guys give me any insight on what I should be doing right now? Much thanks.

[Uchiha Barles]

I think I have some decent advice, since you asked xD. Keep in mind, I'm not someone who's accomplished great things, but I do have some ambitions that could be called great. So definitely take this with a grain of salt.

Well, I was going to ask if you knew specifically some of the "great things" you wanted to accomplish, but found out that it barely matters. First thing's first, if you don't know what you want to do that's great, find out. Let your thoughts fly, dream, and use that as a guideline to figure out just how you'll want to make your mark. This is the fun part.

The second part, which is much less fun, is you need to frame those dreams in reality. This doesn't mean settle for a less ambitious dream that's "kind of like" the one you came up with. It means taking a look at the world, in particular the parts of the world that directly relate to your dream, and see how the dream fits in the world. See what obstacles you're likely to encounter. The better your understanding of the world, the better the framework you'll be able to set for your ambitions. This framework is in large part going to tell you what you need to do. The better the framework, the clearer the path.

Here's a word of caution for you. The parts of the world you focus on will be determined by your ambition, and the depth of knowledge you seek will be determined by your definition of "great things". Depending on where you look and how deep you look, you may not like what you find.

For more specific information I'd have to know some more specifics about your ambitions. Either way, finishing school with as high a gpa as you can get seems like a good starting point for most things I can think of, seeing as you've already been on that path for so long.

[Sandldan]

Im not trying to chase down my perfect self anymore and i dont believe that there's any greater meaning or calling for me out there. Im just trying to do what i love to do, and get many experiences in the meantime.

[Buffalobiian]

First of all guys, thanks for your input into this, as well as anybody who's giving me advice be it past, present or future. Of course, not every bit of advice is going to work out(1), but knowing that people out there live their life with some sort of purpose/passion gives a glimmer of hope that one day I may find my own.

(1) I read everything, even though I'm not going to quote everybody.

Oh, and I don't know how it all sounds, but so you all know, I'm not suicidal.:p I can't see a reason for it, so it's not worth the effort.

I'm just.....lost. That's probably the best description.


Another thing I say is if you really want something, so not talking about your urges to splurge some money, you should just reach out and touch it. As in, if you want something, go for it.
Even if end result is less then ideal or even worse then where you started of, cause if you don't you will hate yourself, or at least regret, in the future for not at least trying.

True. Only problem I have is that there really is nothing I feel like doing, or something that I want to try. I would most likely try it out as you said if it was within my power, and if it was a desire of mine. But alas, the last part stumps me up.


I know who I am and I know that I am meaningful and significant. If I define myself by what I do, to me, I'm not doing anything meaningful or significant.

"What did I do today? What made me happy today? What did I do that was meaningful today? What did I do that I like today? What difference have I made today? What would I try to do tomorrow?"

It's not like I think about these questions every day, but if I do, I don't believe I could come up with much of an answer. Sure, I laugh, and there are little bits of pieces that I enjoy in my day. I'm actually rather easy to please. Just a nice, full lunch would make my day. I'd most likely look forward to it all morning, and remember how good it was in the afternoon, until I see something else I could chew on. Jokes get me going etc etc.

But thinking about all that, it's sort of a short-lived, superficial. Using the pyramid, they're things on the lower rungs, if not the lowest. While it's a legit reason, it's somewhat sad when I end up answering "I got out of bed today to each that lasagne in the fridge, or to download that anime. And that only."


Sometimes you just need to see your life from a new perspective. Bill, maybe you should consider spending some time volunteering. You might find that through helping other people, you actually do care more than you realized

I should try that. I should also try many other things too, I think. Just go out there, do it, and see how I feel about it. Sucks that I can't find the motivation to begin, however. Like, I don't even feel like trying...even though I'm the one asking these questions.

You know, when I watched Yes Man, lots of things hit home. It almost felt like I was the target audience for that film. Too bad, it was only good for like the first half hour.


1) Ensure that you have everything set up for a financially secure future. Because of the things you've already done, the path of least resistance to that is to finish up your education and basically do the things you've already mentioned.

That part I can do. I'm not proud of it, but my main reason for studying pharmacy is for employment into a stable and steadily growing job sector with good job prospects. Even after 2.5 years of it, I don't harbour any strong interest in it. I could easily do something like civil engineering and not feel any different. I might actually do better since maths is my strongest point. At least now I am force-fed material so I don't have to think. I can't imagine what working would be like...(well, I can since I do placement work, and I'm not looking forward to it....hence all this searching.)


2) This one is extremely important. Create the opportunity for you to have a chance to explore things. This means first and foremost, don't take on any more obligations than is absolutely necessary. Not at this point your life. I don't mean your age either, I mean the point you're at emotionally and spiritually. Free up as much of your time as you can, so you can use it to actively pursue things you haven't pursued before.

That sounds nice. It really does. As above, it would be a very good thing to do if and when I can summon the effort to do it. My friend's been asking me to come to Taekwondo with him a few months back. I always found reasons to decline it, because I simply couldn't see a reason to do it, nor put out the effort, no matter how cool I imagined the experience to be in my head.

If I could free up some time, which should happen in a month's time after my exams, I would have to get right back into piano though. I've dropped that for a good 6 months. I don't miss it one bit, and have no attachment to it. I honestly can't remember why I even started playing. Personally, I think of it as like a chore. Right now, I see it as an investment. Not that I'd teach or do anything with it, but after all these years, I feel that I need to go that final stretch and get that performance letter/diploma to justify all the time and money spent on this. At least after that, even if I never play again, I know that it amounted to something. Once.


3) If you manage to do 1 and 2, for each activity you pick, I recommend both looking into the details of the activities, and stepping back, and looking at how these activities fit into the the rest of what you do with your life. The point of this is, you may find joy in the details, or you may find joy in the puzzle, or both.
I'll use music as an example since you play piano. You can likely recognized musical compositions that require a good deal of technical ability to play. You can also probably recognize melodies and harmonies that are particularly beautiful and/or interesting. You can probably recognize compositions that are interestingly complex or cleverly simple. For each of the things I've mentioned, you may even be able to pinpoint just what makes them as I described. This would be looking at the detail.

I wish I could do that. I really do. But, I can't. I'm almost like a tape recorder. I hear, then see a song, and try to replicate it to the best of my ability for my yearly exams. I play it over and over and over again till I got it right. Then in a few week's time I'd forget, and the set of songs I learned with it, as I prepare new songs for the next exam.

It's like school exams pretty much. Just an extracurricular subject. Theory lessons were the same. Come to think of it, I think I have to upgrade to the next theory level as a prerequisite for my Amus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AMusA) letter.

I had a friend in highschool. (I remember him well because he gave me a concussion that I don't remember back in grade 8. I didn't know him back then, but I did after that...). In everyone's eyes, I was a better pianist than him. In terms of technical ability, that is true. But in my eyes, he was far superior. Not only was he a pianist, but he was a guitarist, and trombonist. The main thing is, he plays by ear, and improvises like he's born for it. And to top it all off, he loves music. To me, that beats all the technical skills that I've acquired through mechanical practice. Outwardly I admired him. Inwardly, I think I was jealous without the bitterness, and felt sort of empty.


Might try picking up a sport.

That's possibly the most practical thing I could do right now, save for time constraints. According to some random facebook quiz, I attract the sporty type ;).


Maybe traveling, or learning about our world be it it's people and cultures, it's foods, it's natural beauty or the underlying mechanics of why and how it even exists.

When the money comes, I would, having read Eat, Love, Pray. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eat,_Pray,_Love). I didn't find it a particularly good read. For some reason her writing style kept putting me off, but I wasn't about to put down a book that talked about exploring one's inner self. Not when it addresses my own issues so much. Still, the end result was watching someone else's life change without doing anything to my own.


But of course, not everybody has a personal mission statement in their lives, and they are perfectly fine with themselves. After all, the meaning to life is only relevant to one's self. I've also included that question as one of my initial ones. Is that fine too? How do you stop that from leading yourself to a depressed state?


After reading and reflecting off everyone, both in this thread and out, I think my loss of direction was a result of my loosing my sense of achievement. Being a goal orientated person, graduating high school meant reaching that goal. After that, it's up to me to work towards another one, and I haven't been able to find one since then, or one I really care about. Taking Kitkat's advice and going on a journey instead, I haven't found the days I've spent these past years amount to anything meaningful.

[Assertn]

Maslow Pyramid and the meaning to my life are two different things.
Plus Maslow Pyramid is theoretical, real life is quite different ;)

I still felt I should comment on this...

The pyramid addresses cognitive needs that most humans experience, and the level of sophistication that each need exists within. Lower-level needs typically bottleneck the rest, so in order to realize higher-level needs to fulfill, you have to first satisfy the lower-level needs.

That being said, if you aren't realizing needs from esteem or self-actualization, then that is because you are still stuck at love/belonging. This doesn't mean that the theoretical pyramid doesn't apply to your real life. ;)

Obviously, the pyramid isn't flawless, however I think inaccuracies in the model lie mostly in the deviations of isolated societies, rather than individuals within the same social structures.

[lilphatboi88]

Mr. Uchiha Barles,

All my life, for some reason my family and friends keep saying how smart I am. I did get the best grades in high school and I was the first one in our generation to go to college.

My parents did something amazing in their life. I have to live up to that or doing something better than that in order to feel like I haven't failed. My grandparents were living in China during Mao's regime; their parents were wealthy as landlords, however the revolutions took everything away from them. So eventually my grandpa and my dad and uncles luckily came to America dirt poor and now are doing well.

But because of this, people in the town treat us differently and there is a lot of competition in the business. There's also a lot of competition among my brothers and cousins. Therefore, I have to come out on top and lead by example.

Half of this was written 3 hours later, after class.

[Uchiha Barles]

I probably have something to say about measuring one's worth using the accomplishments of others as a metric, but that's wouldn't give an answer to the question you posed.

If you decided that you want your accomplishments to match or even exceed those of your parents, you need some metrics. First, what have your parents accomplished? Have they made a lot of money? Did they create a large family? Were they well educated and accomplished academically? Mind you, these are rhetorical questions you should ask yourself, but don't answer them here. Maybe you can ask your parents as well.

Once you come up with a list of your parents general accomplishments, then you decide which of those things you care to accomplish equally well, or better. Once you do that, you come up with a game plan on how you want match/surpass their accomplishments. For example, you may decide "My parents were able to make a lot of money, I want to make a lot of money, maybe even more than they did". In that case, you figure out through what means. Your parents were landlords, so maybe you want to try being a landlord. If not, maybe you want to try being an investor, a business owner, or any other profession that has the potential to bring in a lot of income/profits.
You said you majored in International Studies. I'm not sure what job in that field has the potential to make a lot of money. Such jobs may exist, or they may not. Check with a guidance/career counselor to find out what your options are. You spent this long studying it, might as well know what doors are open at this point in time, and what doors are not open at this point in time. Either way, a career using your major (if you can find one) should bring some kind of income. The income may be enough to get you rich. If it's not, then it SHOULD be enough for you to start investing in further educating yourself and improving your skills in a profession that can bring you riches, provided you manage your money properly (particularly by minimizing your debts). I don't necessarily mean "college" or grad school when I say "further educating yourself".
A similar though process should be applied to any other accomplishment you're hoping to make. Take inventory of the things you need to accomplish whatever it is you decided you wanted to accomplish. Then, pursue these things, usually one by one, but sometimes you may be able to do more than one at a time. For each goal you set, you may find that you have to develop smaller mini goals on your way to some of the larger ones. That's fine. In fact, I'm convinced that it's more than fine, that it's "the way". I don't want this post to get too long so I'll have to refrain from giving elaborate examples, but the idea can applied to most goals I can think of (creating and raising a family, becoming accomplished in a field of your choosing, etc.)
When it comes to the issue of how others treat you, I'll try using the Maslow pyramid and what assert'n said about each level tending to bottleneck the levels above them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs.svg

While the levels of the pyramid may represent the order in which we feel we need things, I think the order in which we should seek them should be modified. Basically, swap the positions of self-actualization and esteem. In my experience, the better I achieved those things listed under "self actualization", the better I was able to achieve those things listed under "esteem" so that self-actualization actually served to bottleneck esteem. The point I'm driving at is, work hard at achieving your goals. Also, find satisfaction in the hard work you put in, so that the journey towards the goal is bearable. These things will have a large part in defining who you are, and thus how others treat you.
Also, strive be personable and respectful of both yourself and others. I've found that people who are hard working, accomplished, kind and respectful of themselves and others, command the respect of others. For example, when I encounter someone who is all these things, I have to present myself to that person, as that person presented himself to me. So if they're kind and respectful, and respectable, I have to be kind and respectful as well. Almost as if I have no choice. I try to always be kind and respectful, but I have to DECIDE to be kind and respectful to people who are not, or who lack respectability. If people are kind, respectful, and respectable, then there is no decision for me to make. My kindness and respectfulness is compulsory when it comes to those people. Not everyone will choose to be kind and respectful if given the choice.
I hope this isn't sounding like a bunch of garbage. Everything I wrote is how I try to do things in my own life, and I'm able to write these things out because I spend a lot of time analyzing why I succeed or fail at things I try to do. So I think in these terms a lot. I hope this is useful to you.

edit: I'll try not to make my other posts in here this ridiculously long

[Ryllharu]

I'll keep mine relatively short (yes, contrary to my usual posting technique).

If there is any meaning to my life, it is to eternally be a student. I strive to learn as much as I can, in as meandering a methodology as I can. During quick breaks at work, at home, on the way to and from work, wherever possible. Not merely academic knowledge, but practical skill as well. Learn to cook, learn to solder, know how to bake, use a bow and arrow, use a rifle, split wood, fix a broken floor, learn about biology, study birds, relearn how to code, use photoshop better, know current events, etc.

The other is to gather as many stories as possible. Gather more and more fictional or factual anecdotal accounts into some sort of "Grand Narrative." I don't really know why I feel compelled to gather such an expanse of anecdotal knowledge, but knowing so many seems to satisfy some need of mine.

I suppose those two aspects would be the meaning to my life as it exists today, corny as they may be. The only thing I know as an absolute certainty, is that the meaning to my life will change, and quite probably dramatically.

[darkshadow]

I was like that for awhile, but then I remembered I don't live forever, and all I learn will be lost when I die. Rather do the stuff I really want to be doing instead then.

[Pandadice]

I'll keep mine relatively short (yes, contrary to my usual posting technique).

If there is any meaning to my life, it is to eternally be a student. I strive to learn as much as I can, in as meandering a methodology as I can. During quick breaks at work, at home, on the way to and from work, wherever possible. Not merely academic knowledge, but practical skill as well. Learn to cook, learn to solder, know how to bake, use a bow and arrow, use a rifle, split wood, fix a broken floor, learn about biology, study birds, relearn how to code, use photoshop better, know current events, etc.

The other is to gather as many stories as possible. Gather more and more fictional or factual anecdotal accounts into some sort of "Grand Narrative." I don't really know why I feel compelled to gather such an expanse of anecdotal knowledge, but knowing so many seems to satisfy some need of mine.

I suppose those two aspects would be the meaning to my life as it exists today, corny as they may be. The only thing I know as an absolute certainty, is that the meaning to my life will change, and quite probably dramatically.

holy crap! you're like a real-life Kintaro Oe! thats just pure awesome

[XanBcoo]

holy crap! you're like a real-life Kintaro Oe! thats just pure awesome
I think it was Michaelangelo who was famously quoted for saying "I am still learning" even until late in his life as an old man.

It's a good ethic, and one I root my own beliefs in, actually. You always have to be intelligent enough to admit you know nothing. Barles talked about this as well.


Not only was he a pianist, but he was a guitarist, and trombonist.
Tromboner

[Assertn]

Well, it would be great to flip all the levels of the pyramid with the exception of the bottom one. (sorry, if I'm drowning, breathing will be the only thing on my mind). But the pyramid is more of an assessment of the way things tend to be, rather than should be. Not saying that you didn't know that, but just wanted to emphasize it.

I think people's desires for accomplishment weigh based on expectations placed on them. You'd think that a person who has successful parents would want to try to escape their massive shadow, but, conversely, many cases of people who are spoiled by 1st-generation wealthy parents or obtain wealth through inheritance tend to be far less affluent than whoever obtained the wealth in the first place. On the other hand, successful parents that rarely over-indulge their kids and force independence in the future will far more likely have successful kids.

Another interesting observation along a similar vein: Oldest siblings tend to be more financially successful in life than youngest siblings. They also tend to be more stressed out and consequently live shorter lives. This is because families typically put the greatest expectations and responsibilities on the eldest child, and spoil the youngest child.

In other words, what we hope to get out of life is factored by our environment, just as much as pretty much anything else.

[Buffalobiian]

Another interesting observation along a similar vein: Oldest siblings tend to be more financially successful in life than youngest siblings. They also tend to be more stressed out and consequently live shorter lives. This is because families typically put the greatest expectations and responsibilities on the eldest child, and spoil the youngest child.


Aye, I second this. The eldest tends to get the short end of the stick I think. As for being financially successful....maybe. I've seen plenty of cases where it's not the case simply because the eldest has the least education and got into the workforce early, while the youngest got to reap the benefits of that and got to be educated more. That's not saying the eldest earns less necessarily, but in the cases I've seen, it's resulted in that way.

My dad fits into my scenario, while I fit into your scenario. I so think I'll die earlier than my brother as well.