Online dating!

[Junior]

=) Inspired by Ani. Are you for it, or against it? Have you had one before?
It's really common on the net these days. o.o Especially with sites like Facebook and Myspace.

IMO, it's total crap. You have to meet someone physically before you actually know if you're really attracted to them. >.>;

[David75]

IMO, it's total crap. You have to meet someone physically before you actually know if you're really attracted to them. >.>;

Quite true.
To me a possible nice way is being on fora and not missing IRL meetings if/when they happen.
I met my wife to be that way in 2001 :p

[Animeniax]

I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting someone online, I'd just never admit to it if it happened that way for me. I'd also subtly hint to the gf to keep that quiet. Depending on the situation, it's not a big deal at all. Online dating or meeting up from random chatting (like we're doing now) would not be suitable grounds for a relationship for me.

About what Junior says about physical attraction, I disagree. I think if you develop an attraction at a deeper level through communication, and then realize how attractive they are, that will be a better basis for a relationship. It's like in movies, where the overlooked best friend who happens to be the opposite sex but is trying to help you score with the hot girl/guy, then at the end you realize the best friend is a babe and they end up together. Kind of like that.

[David75]

Just for everyone to have a clearer view of things...
I met my wife to be thanks to an IRL meeting, but never dated her through the internet.

It was all a good old way of doing things, the internet was just the reason we were at the same place at the same moment... then it sparked ;)

[Idealistic]

Well, as long as you know you'll meet that person IRL, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Who said you had to settle with girls/boys only in your area? There's a whole world out there man!!

A lot of people always ask "Do they work?" It's not really a good question because just like ordinary relationships, some work and some don't. I've seen some work, and I've seen some not work. It all depends on the two people dating. Usually though, the way I've seen it, the two people have already met IRL before they actually started their long distance/online relationships.

[Sapphire]

No matter how you spin it, IRL is completely different from the Internets, though I have a lot of friends on the Internets. IMO it's hard to convey feelings over the Internets, because it's sort of the same thing of trying to convey feelings over a giant wall, just transferring data back and forth.

I don't have any particular opinion on it, because a lot of my friends do it, IRL and on the Internet, and they seem happy to me. I wouldn't do it, but I don't really care if someone I know does it, just if I don't care if someone speed dates (does that still exist), is bisexual, has some weird fetish that they'd never tell me, etc.

I have plans to meet up with some people I meet on the Internet if I ever swing by their way, but of course I know them well enough to want to meet them and chill out or something. I honestly think meeting them in person a few times without committing anything is the best way to go. One of my friends in my singing organization is getting married to her bff, and I'm totally going to Scotland in a few years to attend!

Actually I interact over the Internet a -great deal- with my best friend, but at the same time we have like 5 classes together and go to the bookstore every week, and she says the way I act on the Internet is slightly different from the way I act online. (I am more crazy and prone to be stupid IRL)

[Board of Command]

I think the awkwardness if you ever meet each other in person is far greater than the "wrongness" with it.

[Sapphire]

It might be for some people, but I've seen some people meet online and be so kissy kissy that it's just disgusting. rofl

[Lucifus]

Sure it works I'd say.

As long as you are able to accuratly glean the other persons personality. Text can be kind of difficult to work with though so usually when I meet an interesting person, I find out if they have a microphone or something and Skype/Vent away.

[XanBcoo]

Using dating sites to look for romantic partners is a little creepy, but I think it's a little more acceptable than meeting someone on myspace/facebook/a forum/irc/imvu/what the fuck and pretending like you have a meaningful relationship. It's a pathetic replacement for actually dealing with social situations. Especially if the relationship "starts" before an IRL meeting.

Of course due to my own experiences, my opinion might be biased. (http://forums.gotwoot.net/showthread.php?p=362882&postcount=1)

And that's not to say it's not possible to make friends online. Aside from people I know from forums, I also know people I've met and continued talking to with AIM/MSN/Yahoo. There's nothing wrong with that, but to try and add any depth beyond it is just a cop out.

[darkmetal505]

How do you know the person on the other side is who they claim to be? Go out and meet people in real life, it's a lot more fun also.

[Junior]

^ true.

I had an online fried who was dating this girl for awhile. They called each other, sent gifts, etc. Then he discovered she lied and was using pictures of some Chinese actress.

Wow.

Offline, you realize so many things about the person you can't on the internet. Their habits, their nature, the look in their eyes, etc. You can't have chemical attraction online. o.o;

[masamuneehs]

Just for everyone to have a clearer view of things...
I met my wife to be thanks to an IRL meeting, but never dated her through the internet.

It was all a good old way of doing things, the internet was just the reason we were at the same place at the same moment... then it sparked ;)

i think this is one of the best cases in point of how the net can actually help people meet up. You might be able to make initial contact with someone you would otherwise never meet, or you might find out about someone that you'd probably never talk about on the first couple meetings.

But I'm a firm believer that dating shouldn't be done online. People often aren't themselves online, at least not the same person they are in the flesh. Online communication doesn't have enough angles to present all the complexities that you'd really want to get out of a date.

Also, an online "relationship" is more often than not just a delusional, futile struggle. You hear all about people who "click" when they talk online, but there's no guarantee that that connection will carry over to the real world. And in the case of long distances, you might not ever see that person you spent so much time talking to online, you just deluded yourself into thinking it was worth it to talk to them and that maybe you would meet up and it'd be all smilie face icons and rose smelling farts.

[complich8]

my freshman year, I met a girl on campus via aim. we talked for a while and got along well together both on aim and in a subsequent phone call, and decided to meet up and go out for dinner.

We met, and there was just no chemistry at all. I wasn't attracted to her, she wasn't attracted to me. We ate, we talked, we went our separate ways and never talked to each other again.

Moral of the story: meeting new people is great and all, but you don't really know how you'll do with a person until you actually spend meatspace-time with them.

[Abdula]

About what Junior says about physical attraction, I disagree. I think if you develop an attraction at a deeper level through communication, and then realize how attractive they are, that will be a better basis for a relationship.

I was never one who cared much for aesthetics but if you have a deep connection with someone, whatever that may be, you see them in a completely different light. Although that connection doesn't necessarily have to be formed online I find that it is much easier to do it that way. Its rather difficult to determine feeling from text but I find its much easier to get to know someone if you aren't distracted by physical appearance and everything else that a face to face meeting entails. I also find that most people are much more at ease if you're not having a face to face conversation which could lead to much more open and honest discussion if they so choose.


i think this is one of the best cases in point of how the net can actually help people meet up. You might be able to make initial contact with someone you would otherwise never meet, or you might find out about someone that you'd probably never talk about on the first couple meetings.

But I'm a firm believer that dating shouldn't be done online. People often aren't themselves online, at least not the same person they are in the flesh. Online communication doesn't have enough angles to present all the complexities that you'd really want to get out of a date.

Also, an online "relationship" is more often than not just a delusional, futile struggle.

That is perhaps the best thing about the net you're exposed to people whom you would most likely never have encountered which isn't always a good thing but it works. I agree with you though "dating" can and should never be done online. People are already so difficult to understand that I can't believe that anyone would be able to learn or understand enough about anyone in such a "controlled" environment that would allow them to foster any kind of serious relationship.

The net is a great way to meet people but thats all it should be. It doesn't matter what anyone says or does you can't truly know a person until you meet them in person and even then its difficult enough. In most cases people are only portraying themselves to be the person they want you to think they are. Whether they are being honest or not doesn't matter because you can never grasp enough of an individual's true nature just from interacting online. To truly understand, appreciate or care for someone you must have a somewhat comprehensive view of their life otherwise its all just assumptions and misconceptions and people deluding themselves into believing that fantasy is reality.

[fahoumh]

my freshman year, I met a girl on campus via aim. we talked for a while and got along well together both on aim and in a subsequent phone call, and decided to meet up and go out for dinner.

We met, and there was just no chemistry at all. I wasn't attracted to her, she wasn't attracted to me. We ate, we talked, we went our separate ways and never talked to each other again.

Moral of the story: meeting new people is great and all, but you don't really know how you'll do with a person until you actually spend meatspace-time with them.

I couldn't agree more. I spoke to a girl for almost 5 years between MSN, AIM, and even phone/text. We finally got to hang out in person and I found that she really annoyed me. I haven't spoken to her since.

[XanBcoo]

I also find that most people are much more at ease if you're not having a face to face conversation which could lead to much more open and honest discussion if they so choose.
Agreeing with this. Despite what I said earlier, I do feel there is something comforting about being able to think and type out responses, rather than having a conversation in real time. It's a more controlled environment, and I guess that's the appeal for those who look for love online. It's easy.

I actually read this article about 4 years ago about a study in which people reported that they were much more likely to share intimate information with someone they just met online, rather than in real life, despite only having known them a short time.

[Genma]

I remember having an online girlfriend when I was 12. After my dad caught me looking at teh pr0nz, I got banned from the internet for like, four months. Ironically, I'd forgotten about this online girlfriend but the feeling wasn't mutual I guess...

My dad searched through my emails while I wasn't allowed to use the computer and apparently she sent me a ton of love emails or something. That's the last time I ever tried to have an online girlfriend.

As for my opinion on it, I honestly don't know. I lean more towards the fact that it's pointless and stupid, though, because on the internet you can be whoever you want to be. However, I'm also for it in a sense... because it makes people happy, and so goes the saying "whatever floats your boat." The only case of someone I knew in real life having an online girlfriend was an old buddy of mine, who's friggin' weird to begin with, but I guess she made him happy and -- constant jokes behind his back aside -- I didn't see a problem with it.

Oh, and I think dating sites are no different from having someone put you on a blind date. As long as it's face-to-face, who cares about the means of meeting one another?

[David75]

I remember having an online girlfriend when I was 12. After my dad caught me looking at teh pr0nz, I got banned from the internet for like, four months. Ironically, I'd forgotten about this online girlfriend but the feeling wasn't mutual I guess...

My dad searched through my emails while I wasn't allowed to use the computer and apparently she sent me a ton of love emails or something. That's the last time I ever tried to have an online girlfriend.

As for my opinion on it, I honestly don't know. I lean more towards the fact that it's pointless and stupid, though, because on the internet you can be whoever you want to be. However, I'm also for it in a sense... because it makes people happy, and so goes the saying "whatever floats your boat." The only case of someone I knew in real life having an online girlfriend was an old buddy of mine, who's friggin' weird to begin with, but I guess she made him happy and -- constant jokes behind his back aside -- I didn't see a problem with it.

Oh, and I think dating sites are no different from having someone put you on a blind date. As long as it's face-to-face, who cares about the means of meeting one another?

It's true only within one's brain power ;)
A brilliant one can play stupid. A stupid one can't play brillant. It's a French catchphrase I didn"t have the courage to find the english equivalent for in google ;)

[masamuneehs]

Despite what I said earlier, I do feel there is something comforting about being able to think and type out responses, rather than having a conversation in real time. It's a more controlled environment, and I guess that's the appeal for those who look for love online. It's easy.

I actually read this article about 4 years ago about a study in which people reported that they were much more likely to share intimate information with someone they just met online, rather than in real life, despite only having known them a short time.

Of course it's easier if you get to sit back, think, pick your nose, and then write down a carefully crafted response. It's easy, but that's why an online "relationship" really can't prepare you for how things are going to be in the flesh with your person. Honestly, there are few times where sitting down and carefully thinking and then delivering responses is viable. I've actually navigated most of my biggest fights by using letters as a way of communicating, but in the end you have to talk about the letter's contents face to face, and so many behavioral things just don't get solved by writing a lettter...

Of course I'd rather tell a complete stranger I'll almost certainly never meet something intimate about myself! That's the power of anonymous.

[XanBcoo]

It's easy, but that's why an online "relationship" really can't prepare you for how things are going to be in the flesh with your person.
Yeah, that's what I said.

I'm of the "think it's a stupid idea no matter what" camp, I was just also admitting the fact that online relationships (of any kind) are comfortable and have the ability to be open and honest, like Abdula said. But, again, in the end I think it's retarded.

[Sapphire]

I remember having an online girlfriend when I was 12. After my dad caught me looking at teh pr0nz, I got banned from the internet for like, four months. Ironically, I'd forgotten about this online girlfriend but the feeling wasn't mutual I guess...

My dad searched through my emails while I wasn't allowed to use the computer and apparently she sent me a ton of love emails or something. That's the last time I ever tried to have an online girlfriend.

As for my opinion on it, I honestly don't know. I lean more towards the fact that it's pointless and stupid, though, because on the internet you can be whoever you want to be. However, I'm also for it in a sense... because it makes people happy, and so goes the saying "whatever floats your boat." The only case of someone I knew in real life having an online girlfriend was an old buddy of mine, who's friggin' weird to begin with, but I guess she made him happy and -- constant jokes behind his back aside -- I didn't see a problem with it.

Oh, and I think dating sites are no different from having someone put you on a blind date. As long as it's face-to-face, who cares about the means of meeting one another?

Well that's the funniest thing I've read all week, and that's saying a lot since I am extremely easily amused. I think I have a stomach ulcer.. anyway, I agree with everything he said.

[Assertn]

Ehh....are you talking about dating people online, or meeting people online?
Cause those are different.