100 reasons why its great to be a guy

[Assassin]

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. Monday Night Football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
12. Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guy in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards).
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17. You understand why Stripes is funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humour in Terms of Endearment.
26. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
27. You never have to clean a toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes. YUP!!!!
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
33. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
34. You don't have to shave below your neck.
35. None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
37. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president. (In this lifetime.)
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's butt if anyone notices your new haircut.
59. You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking He must be mad at me.
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
69. Same work...more pay!
70. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
73. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote control is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. ESPN's SportsCenter.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."
88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. There's always a game on somewhere.


If you have other funny lists of this sort, please post them here as well.

[zibo]

This is awesome, do you have more of it ?

[Lucifus]

Holy crap, I laughed my azz off at so many of these. They're all pretty much 100% accurate too.:D :cool:

[Terracosmo]

The funniest part about this is that not even half of those fit on my life. Hell, not even a quarter. *eyes his handbag* Then again, is anyone surprised?

But there's one in particular that's interesting, and that's the one about "needing a support group in order to go to the bathroom". I've always wondered, what the hell is up with that? Women always head to the bathroom in a group. It's utterly disgusting. Who wants to be in the company of a friend urinating? (sure us guys have that "opportunity" in most bathrooms, but who'd do it by sheer will?)

Fucked up I tell you.

[LaZie]

Sad but all true :p

[Honoko]

But there's one in particular that's interesting, and that's the one about "needing a support group in order to go to the bathroom". I've always wondered, what the hell is up with that? Women always head to the bathroom in a group. It's utterly disgusting. Who wants to be in the company of a friend urinating? (sure us guys have that "opportunity" in most bathrooms, but who'd do it by sheer will?)

Fucked up I tell you.
I don't really understand much of that either =P But the gossip you overhear in there when it's happening can be quite hilarious :p

[samsonlonghair]

87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."
That's my favorite. If I cut someone off in traffic, leave the toilet seat up, or fart in an elevator Screw it

Wow, I'm an asshole.

[6Zabuza9]

88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.

lol my favourite.

heres something similar but with some new stuff

Why Men Are Happier Than Women!

1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

[6Zabuza9]

sry for dbl post but i think it deserves it own post
YOU KNOW YOU'RE CHINESE WHEN...
1. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping and especially those bows) next year.
2. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
3. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
4. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
5. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
6. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
7. You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time.
8. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
9. You have never used your dishwasher.
10. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
11. You boil water and put it in the refrigerator.
12. You eat all meals in the kitchen.
13. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
14. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
15. You always leave your shoes at the door.
16. You have a piano in your living room.
17. Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.
18. You iron your own shirts.
19. You play a musical instrument.
20. You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).
21. You twirl your pen around your fingers.
22. You hate to waste food...
a. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
b. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
23. You don't own any real Tupperware--only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
24. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.
25. You've eaten a red bean popsicle.
26. You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit
people's homes.
27. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
28. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save/steal every time you get take out or go to McDonald's.
29. Ditto paper napkins.
30. You never order room service.
31. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).....These travel snacks
are always dried. As in not just dried plums, dried ginger,
and beef/pork jerky, but dried cuttlefish (SQUID).
32. You own a rice cooker.
33. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
34. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table. (That's why you need the vinyl tablecloth).
35. Your parents vehemently refuse the sack of gold coin oranges that their guests just brought just to be courteous.
36. You fight over who pays the dinner bill
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
38. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.
39. When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
40. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.
41. You don't use measuring cups.
42. You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
43. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
44. Your parents' house is always cold.
45. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
46. You reuse teabags.
47. You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don't write anymore.
48. If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman. If you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera and/or stereo system.
49. Your mom drives her Mercedes to the Price Club.
50. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Information costs 50 cents.
51. You tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
52. You're a wok user.
53. You only make long distance calls after 11pm.
54. You know all the waiters at your favourite Chinese restaurants.
55. You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions...
a. You love Chinese Martial Arts films.
b. Shao Lin and Wu Tang actually mean something to you.
56. You have acquired a taste for bittermelon.
57. You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
58. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached--it means they're fresh.
59. You never call your parents just to say hi.
60. You always cook too much.
61. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've
eaten, even if it's midnight.
62. Also, if you don't live at home, your parents always want you to come home.
63. Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick.
64. When you're sick, they also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they produce hot air (yeet hay in Cantonese).
65. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.
66. Your parents never go to the movies.
67. Your parents send money to their relatives in China.
68. You use a face cloth.
69. Your parents use a clothes line.
70. You're always late.
71. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
72. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat sushi.
73. You've joined a CD club at least once.
74. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
75. You never discuss your love life with your parents.
76. Your parents are never happy with your grades.
77. You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you're never going to use them again.
78. You keep used batteries.
79. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
80. You keep most of your money in a savings account.
81. You know what MJ means.
82. You've been on the Love Boat or know someone who has.
83. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
84. You take this list and laugh at it with your Chinese friends.

[bagandscalpel]

6Zabuza9, that "YOU KNOW YOU'RE CHINESE WHEN..." list creeps me out. A good 50%~55% is dead on, in my case.

It now feels like there's a guy living in my ceiling, jotting down many of my habits.

[Kraco]

Funny lists. I had only seen very short "great to be guy" lists before, but that 100 one was very smart.

[Psyke]

This thread makes me feel lucky to be born a guy. As for the chinese list, it's pretty much accurate, but applies more to our fathers' generations. Chinese kids these days aren't really that conservative or value centered, especially those not from Mainland China.

[Lucifus]

Add to 100 reasons why its great to be a guy.

101. "You find the idea of a piece of cloth riding up your azz revolting!":D

[samsonlonghair]

102. Happiness can be bought in the form of a portable electronics device.

Oooh. It has buttons and blinking lights! I must buy it!

[Lucifus]

102. Happiness can be bought in the form of a portable electronics device.

Oooh. It has buttons and blinking lights! I must buy it!

Correct! A PSP and Loco Roco is portable joy. Happiness in a can....:cool:

[BioAlien]

best one:
38. You can write your name in the snow.

nice thread

[gr3atfull]

72. Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.

So true. >.<

[Board of Command]

16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
This one put a big smirk on my face.

[Raven]

In my opinion at least half of these, if not two thirds are not accurate these days. At least, with me and most guys I know. I guess it just depends on the type of guy you are.

*High-5s Terra*

[Assassin]

dammit raven, you're ruining the vibe

*kicks raven out of the conversation*

*grumbles something about aussies under his breath*

[redcat]

102. Happiness can be bought in the form of a portable electronics device.

Oooh. It has buttons and blinking lights! I must buy it!
you scared me for a sec with this one.

[Raven]

See Assassin, this is why you're forced to go to theme parkes with faceless women - 'coz you follow the list so closely! I think the list is (mostly) false and my women always have faces. Gotta be something in that.

[Board of Command]

My eyes are bleeding :(

[Death BOO Z]

heck, some lists about chuck norris facts, someone sent my brother the link, enjoy, or get roundhouse kick to the face.

# When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

# Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

# Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

# There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

# Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

# Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

# There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

# Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

# Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

# Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

# Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.


get full list at www.chucknorrisfacts.com ... there are tons of good ones..

[Lucifus]

Rofl. Those own. Not into to Chuck Norris jokes but that was gold.

"# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants."

[Board of Command]

In a recent vote, it was decided that the #1 Chuck Norris fact is:

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

[samsonlonghair]

Fifteen years ago they told those exact same jokes (and better ones) with Mr. T in place of Chuck Norris.

For instance:

Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn’t have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn’t recognize him out of fear.

There are only three horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by getting on a bus….all caucasian people moved to the back.

Mr. T does not have to kick the crap out of you, crap runs out of your ass in fright when you come into contact with Mr. T.

Mr. T is not black. It’s just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

[Lucifus]

Oh my god man. Rofl. I laughed over a minute straight at this one. :D xD
"Mr. T is not black. It’s just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him."

[dragonrage]

Well non of these lists are new to me since they all find there way into my email box at one point in time or another.


Here is my contribution.

The 20 "Man" Commandments.

1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:

- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss' car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
- When she is using her teeth

2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

3.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

4.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional.

5.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

6.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

7.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

8.) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

9.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.

Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy.



10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.

11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

12.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13.) If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:

- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!

20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

[Bucket]

Well non of these lists are new to me since they all find there way into my email box at one point in time or another.


Here is my contribution.

The 20 "Man" Commandments.

1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:

- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss' car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
- When she is using her teeth
I disagree. There are only three instances:

A. After accidentally kicking a chair and ripping part of your toenail off.
B. At the sheer joy of sleeping with two girls (crying in order to GET two girls is also permissable).
C. At the end of An American Tail.


3.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
Corollary: If you know both the girl's brother and ex-boyfriend, you only need permission from one of these men.

11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
Unless you know you can win. Nothing drives a point home like being beaten down by a naked man.

16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
Unless all your friends are fat.

[Kraco]

1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:

- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss' car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
- When she is using her teeth
I disagree. There are only three instances:

A. After accidentally kicking a chair and ripping part of your toenail off.


Yeah, you can certainly cry after that. But you aren't a Man anymore if you do. Try to survive with swearing next time.

[Board of Command]

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by getting on a bus….all caucasian people moved to the back.

Mr. T is not black. It’s just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
Excellent material! Bravo! :)

[KoKo37]

Steve Irwin Facts. (http://irwinpwnage.ytmnd.com/)

[XanBcoo]

Steve Irwin Facts. (http://irwinpwnage.ytmnd.com/)
God...that's beautiful. :')

Looks like that dream to have Irwin on the same level as Norris came true.