The Ask Terra Thread

[Terracosmo]

Due to popular demand and a general urge to find out how you can improve your no doubt substandard life, this thread has come to exist. Yes, if you have any problems with your life, relationship, cooking, lack of sex appeal, and so on, you may now pose all your questions to me, El Terracosmo-sama, and be enlightened.

(Note that this topic isn't really serious, and if you actually want help with something that... you need help with, there are other threads for that - such as the conveniently named "help me" thread, and so on).

And one final warning, or whatever:

http://valethcosmo.free.fr/Forum/pandaspammerz.jpg

This panda is trying to get a point across, namely, this topic is not for spam. It's not serious, but it's intended for fun, and while I am a funloving son of a bitch I am also an admin and as such the general forum rules still apply, even though the topic doesn't really make sense.

So yes, pose your questions, and let me guide you towards a brighter future.

Here is some additional information written by my secretary Deadfire who will also be the person responsible if the rest of you find these rule-thingies disagreeable (thank you DF!):

Some special rules of the thread.
1. All the advice is BAD (note the all caps), do NOT follow the advice given here.
2. Failure to follow rule #1 will not subject Terra nor any of the other parties involved with the maintenance and services provided on these boards to any form of legal liability.
3. If you follow the advice on this thread you shall be officially labeled as an Obliviot, and we shall taunt you a second time.
4. Do NOT follow the advice on this thread.
5. Ocassiionally I will put something in that is halfway useful in a answer, this in no way construes an attempt to give practival advice, it just means I was feeling lazy when I answered it an probably cut and pasted stuff in from a Google search.
6. I make NO promises, assurances, warranties or guarantees about the accuracy of the data provided herein save that it will be BAD ADVICE.
7. Timeliness, this thread will get answered as my break time allows. I will try to answer every question as quickly as possible, but I am doing this from work (for now) so if you are impatient and start bugging me, sucks to be you
8. If you know Ernie's sandbox game you'll know why 8 is such a funny number.
9. Means No in German.
10. Hutt
11. This thread will be: sarcastic, rude, sexist, and any other kind of naughty and annoying that I happen to feel like at the time of my response to your questions.

[Yukimura]

Terra, what is your personal definition of emo, and how can I ensure that I never fall into that category?

[Terracosmo]

Dear Yukimura,

http://www.alayna.net/acen/2005/hinata.jpg

Just avoid anything that this person stands for and you'll be fine.

Next!

[Deadfire]

Dear Terra,

How did you get that cosplayer so fast?

What is the square root of pumpkin pie?

If I played scrabble and spelled Slartibartfast, would you allow me to keep the word and score the points for it?

Is there anything worse than the commie mutant traitors?

What exactly is a "gotwoot"?

Who do you think will win the GWS?

I think you should add the following to your first post in some form

Some special rules of the thread.
1. All the advice is BAD (note the all caps), do NOT follow the advice given here.
2. Failure to follow rule #1 will not subject Terra nor any of the other parties involved with the maintenance and services provided on these boards to any form of legal liability.
3. If you follow the advice on this thread you shall be officially labeled as an Obliviot, and we shall taunt you a second time.
4. Do NOT follow the advice on this thread.
5. Ocassiionally I will put something in that is halfway useful in a answer, this in no way construes an attempt to give practival advice, it just means I was feeling lazy when I answered it an probably cut and pasted stuff in from a Google search.
6. I make NO promises, assurances, warranties or guarantees about the accuracy of the data provided herein save that it will be BAD ADVICE.
7. Timeliness, this thread will get answered as my break time allows. I will try to answer every question as quickly as possible, but I am doing this from work (for now) so if you are impatient and start bugging me, sucks to be you
8. If you know Ernie's sandbox game you'll know why 8 is such a funny number.
9. Means No in German.
10. Hutt
11. This thread will be: sarcastic, rude, sexist, and any other kind of naughty and annoying that I happen to feel like at the time of my response to your questions.

[ChaosK]

Dear Terra,
What can I do to prevent guys from trying to get with me, they need to find out i'm single.

Signed,
Straight Fucker.

oh wait...

[Terracosmo]

Dear fire that is apparently dead,

"How did you get that cosplayer so fast?"

I googled "people who should not exist", I found a link leading to a can of mustard, realized that I had accidently googled "mustard" and not "people who should not exist" (I wonder why?) and then, upon googling correctly, found the image.

"What is the square root of pumpkin pie?"

The circular root of a strawberry cake.

"If I played scrabble and spelled Slartibartfast, would you allow me to keep the word and score the points for it?"

No, but I would give you a free visit at a mental instituition that has helped me greatly throughout the years.

"Is there anything worse than the commie mutant traitors?"

Yes, commie mutant traitors who wear green. Not only is green hard on the eye in great doses, it is also an act of treason against commies, who should all be red.

"What exactly is a "gotwoot"?"

I'd tell you, but your brain would implode and cause a disaster even greater than having a conversation with me via PM.

"Who do you think will win the GWS?"

I've already won it, but you just don't know it yet.

"I think you should add the following to your first post in some form"

That is nonsense. I do not approve of nonsense, as I always make sense.

EDIT: DF bribed me so I added them

-----------------------------

Dear kid of chaos,

your question is one of great depth, and will therefore be illustrated as such:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v478/joshuajerand/chaoskiddohelp.jpg

If the homosexual in question isn't a midget, then you should just run, as he will likely force himself on you anyway.

[ChaosK]

Dear Terra,
Define midget, for if you mean someone shorter than me, or someone that has stunted growth, either way I'm not doing any of them.

Signed,
Dictionaryless.

[Assertn]

Blue or Purple nail polish?

[Terracosmo]

Dear chaos that is also a kiddo,

Midget; someone who is very short (or tired of life in general) - also see suicidal
(taken from Terra's personal wikipedia who only he himself has access to)

----------------

Dear failure of ass,

blue is of course, always, a surefire way of gaining attention, but from personal experience I'd still use purple since if you want attention you might as well pick an even more redundant color. I am assuming that is your goal, since if you wear either to almost any club, you'll be defeated swiftly by midgets of questionable sexuality (see also the answer to kiddo's previous question)

[Deadfire]

Dear King of Cosmos,

Why does the good men always die and the evil always make more money?

Why could nobody ever catch the ginger-bread man?

Why is Canada called the "know it all neignbour" by the US when they don't know anything about us?

What WOULD Jesus do?

What would happen if the world would end?

And finally from a random person (Who isn't me)

I have a problem with women; you see, I am very shy and while I take down guys who so much as look at me funny with no hesitation, I cannot even talk to a pretty girl unless someone else already knew her and marked his claim. Needless to say, this means all the women I know are married or similarly unavailable and all my friends are leaving me behind (number of friends who got married last year alone: four).
I am 20, 21 come Sept. I am too old to go to the usual hangouts and too young for many of the adult scenes. Any advice?

[woofcat]

What is the air speed of an unladen swallow?

[ChaosK]

Dear Cosmo of Land (err...),
I am currently playing drums, saxophone, guitar and piano. Which do you think I should spend the most time on and which do you think I should kinda, put away for a generation?

Signed,
Too-Talented

[Terracosmo]

Dear invisible man, (since you are a dead fire you don't exist)

"Why does the good men always die and the evil always make more money?"

Because the good men are in general a bunch of morons who use "good" as an attempt to separate them from the "bad" people who they in fact are jealous of. This is further encouraged by other similar idiots, who believe that feelings and love are more important than money. A bunch of nonsense, it is!

"Why could nobody ever catch the ginger-bread man?"

Because the Hinata cosplayer ate him.

"Why is Canada called the "know it all neignbour" by the US when they don't know anything about us?"

Probably for the same reason as norwegians call us morons - because they are right, even though we won't admit it.

"What WOULD Jesus do?"

Eat himself fat! I wish I could conjure food.

"What would happen if the world would end?"

The world as we know it dies every day. Tomorrow, the world will be changed once again. And... *gets shot*

No but seriously everyone will die and a billion years+ worth of development, science and everything else that humanity has accomplished will be null, zero, nada, zilch. So let's have a glass of wine and enjoy the fact that it won't happen during our lifetime. :)

"And finally from a random person (Who isn't me)"

(who is probably you)

"I have a problem with women; you see, I am very shy and while I take down guys who so much as look at me funny with no hesitation, I cannot even talk to a pretty girl unless someone else already knew her and marked his claim. Needless to say, this means all the women I know are married or similarly unavailable and all my friends are leaving me behind (number of friends who got married last year alone: four).
I am 20, 21 come Sept. I am too old to go to the usual hangouts and too young for many of the adult scenes. Any advice?"

Assuming that this person is in the same age as his friends, my first reaction is obviously "all these people got married while being 19-20 years old?". Brother, that is nothing to be envious about, as they are clearly fucked up for throwing their lives away that early. You are not left behind. You are superior. Unfortunately, you are also somewhat of an idiot and will probably die a virgin (assuming you are one), if you don't learn to talk to women. It's not that special. They are really a lot like us, except in the possession of breasts and some random conviction that they are as smart as men, which they clearly aren't.

Further, 20 makes you too old for the usual hangouts? Where do you live? Neverland ranch? Go out there and talk to people you dumbass. Oh and getting drunk helps.

------------------------------------

Dear woofcat,

I don't know, but once I ate a swallow and it didn't really satisfy my appetite. Using that as reference, I will assume that they are probably fast fliers since they are thin and meatless.

---------------------------------------

Dear kid who believes himself to be talented even though he probably only knows a little of all instruments he mentioned in his question,

the drums is the best instrument ever. But don't play that, because I don't want more competition (of course I'll be the best no matter how many other players there are but hey). Play the saxophone. It will at least make you popular with the ladies (the 50 year-old black ones anyway).

/Terra-sama

[Lucifus]

Dear King of the Cosmo(aka "MJ")

How fast is a average human beings sneeze?

Am I ever going to get laid if I keep my Don King Style Hair-do?

Why is my brother so gay?

What should I do with my massive collection of porn?

Why am I so attracted to lesbians?

And will my life ever amass to anything?

[Mr Squiggles]

Dear Captain Land-Space,
whenever I try to tell my friends that I'm actually a half dragon turned vampire who also happens to be the true messiah, they just look at me as if I am crazy and laugh at me. What should I do to convince them that it is the truth? Would this be a good time to kill a few of them to show them my true power, or is it still too early?

[masamuneehs]

I have nothing to say to this post. It is most amusing however it serves me not.

Anywho:
Deat T-cos:

What is the definititon of big pimp and how does one acceive it?

[Terracosmo]

Dear Lucifer wannabe,

"How fast is a average human beings sneeze?"

The amount of bacteria in your body times your probability of having aids divided wih the amount of times you've said that the Naruto fillers suck. If you haven't seen the Naruto fillers, or even worse actually like them, then just replace that number with 5 (as in your IQ).

"Am I ever going to get laid if I keep my Don King Style Hair-do?"

Of course, if you get as rich as he is.

"Why is my brother so gay?"

Since you are such a fan of lesbians, he took it upon himself to battle you from a the perspective of a man. It's your fault!

"What should I do with my massive collection of porn?"

...give it to me?

"Why am I so attracted to lesbians?"

Because you have never given a female oral sex, so you don't have to experience the turn-off which is knowing the taste of a vagina (sad but true).

"And will my life ever amass to anything?"

To be honest, no, nothing at all.

------------------------------

Dear squiddles or whatever,

some people are ignorant, and will sometimes not listen to perfectly sensible truth such as the one in your case. It is unfortunately a vital part of life for the average half dragon. Killing them won't solve anything, but you should probably do it anyway.

---------------------------------------

Dear drunken italian,

the answer to your question is quite simple, and can be expressed with this formula:

6=$=+6=$$=+++6=$$$$$$$$$$$$=<3

Which roughly translates into that you should sell your own body, and once you have sold enough sex you will be rich enough to pay your customers to spread your name along with the title of "pimp". If enough people hear it, they will think that you are a pimp instead of a whore, and since you have been a whore all your life you can put that knowledge to use by recruiting others to serve under you.

And then you'll find love in the form of a nice car (hence the heart symbol at the end)

/Big whore/pimp Terralini

[Winged Dancer]

Dear honey-pie,

Can I call you honey-pie?

[ChaosK]

Dear Unknown-sex-preference-fiend,
<Terracosmo> I am unemployed
How is the economy these days? :D
For that matter, how's life?

[Terracosmo]

Dear honey-pie, yes you may call me honey-pie, you honey-pie you.

----------------

Dear kid who I am beginning to fear is stalking me,

the economy is as fucking bad as always, and life blows just the same, and as you already know the unemployment is a fact. But it's okay because in my possession I have a sacred jewel which I found in my backyard last night. All I need to do now is to create a false rumor that it's worth something, and then sell it. Oh it will be great.

[Winged Dancer]

Honey-pie,

Isn't it like five o'clock in the morning up there where you live? Hod do you manage to stay awake? Seriously, that's the time I wake up!

[XanBcoo]

Dear Terra,

Why is the sky blue?
Why do fools fall in love?
Why is the Energizer Bunny a bunny?
Why do people build bathrooms with a mirror across from the toilet?

Signed,
- Sad and Confused

[RedX1z]

dear yzak fanclub member #21049150139539235..(so on, so fourth),

if you were to pass by a suitcase with $100,000, what would you do?

if you were my car keys, where would you be hiding?

-signed, redx1.

[Terracosmo]

Dear honey-pie with extra sugar,

I am unemployed, addicted to pepsi max and coffee, and in the possession of a computer. Unfortunately this is a 99.5% surefire way of fucking up the daily rotation of time. For the record, waking up at 5 am can't be healthy! That's like.. early, and... in time for work. Eww.

------------------

Dear sad and confused cellphone,

"Why is the sky blue?"

Because in the air, sniper smurfs live who kill people (this is how death came to be). The blue color is needed for them to use as camouflage.

"Why do fools fall in love?"

Because other fools need to break someone's heart too, so that they feel desired.

"Why is the Energizer Bunny a bunny?"

Never heard of how much a bunny reproduces? Energy baby!

"Why do people build bathrooms with a mirror across from the toilet?"

Because they are all part of a clan of "number one and two fetishists". It's a conspiracy.

--------------------

Dear megaman gone awry,

I'd use the $100,000 to bribe all the Yzak fanclub members ahead of me since that was one hell of a fucking fanclub member.

And if I were your keys, I would probably be in the car's key slot already. Warm and cozy! I never did understand the mentality of other keys who tend to lie somewhere dark and cold (see this as a tip.. mwah hah)

/ Le Terra Divine

[Lefty]

Dear Devin

Should i begin makeing porn to support myself and later on go into real film making. Or get fucked up the ass by every director and producer in hollywood to get a PA job that could possibly start my movie carear.

[Yukimura]

As Terra's duly appointed sycophant I advise you to consider who you're asking, and then promptly make haste to the nearest porn set to start supporting.

[Tommy_Salami]

how many wemen should i juggle at once

[The Heretic Azazel]

"Why am I so attracted to lesbians?"

Because you have never given a female oral sex, so you don't have to experience the turn-off which is knowing the taste of a vagina (sad but true).

What kind of homo doesn't like the taste of a vagina?

Here's some advice for you, black doom kvlt kiddy, find a chick who bathes!

[LobsterMagnet]

I've asked this before but I never got an answer. Why does terracosmo, gotwoots greatest self-professed "sex fiend" and most depraved individual find female genitalia disgusting? It just dosen't make sense to me. It's like being a hitman who dosen't like killing or an emo kid who dosen't cut himself or an upper-middle-class-white-kid with curly hair in a liberal arts college who dosen't bitch about Bush, sit around smoke pot and wish he was black. It just dosen't happen, so I request a full explanation.

[Lefty]

As Terra's duly appointed sycophant I advise you to consider who you're asking, and then promptly make haste to the nearest porn set to start supporting.

I know what you mean but if I went ot LA and had all tha sauage packed up my ass i would still have my digna .... you know what, porno here I come.

@ Lobstermagnet: Unfortunatly some men just don't like eat a girl out, because he choose to do so around the wrong time of the month or the girl hasn't washed her self since bush senior was presidnet.

[bagandscalpel]

Dear Sexfiend,

Here's a ball-tickler for you:
"ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA"

or

"ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA"?


Is a bear Catholic?

[Winged Dancer]

What kind of question is that? Everybody knows bears are protestant and would eat the pope for breakfast any day, and complain about the taste afterwards.

Dear sweet honey pie,

Life or death situation!! Should I play Twilight Princess on the Gamecube or on the Wii?
Given the shape of the controller, should Nintendo release female dating sims?

[Yukimura]

@Above: WTF female dating sims? Where do I get one!!!!

@Lefty: Your dignity is your own and only you can let it go. No matter what you do if you feel comfortable doing it then you have no need to feel ashamed. Now if your horribly ashamed of porn then your in a bit of a pickle.

And the best vag is the vag that you've just painstaikingly cleaned yourself in the shower. Sometimes you just can't trust women. One very disturbing, but enlightening, day my uncle told me that any girl/older woman my uncle hags out with who lets you go down on her when she hasn't properly cleansed is somone you should immediately vacate the vicinity of...forever.

Leave it to Terra's topic to steer towards sex and porno in less than 12 hours of existance.

[DB_Hunter]

Dear Terra,

Why do I have dandruff and how do I cure it forever instead of for weeks at a time?

Why can I mever maintain my weight training for more than 2 months at most in one go?

Why am I writing in this thread?

For someone watching episode 6 of one piece, when does it get to be good?

Why am I unemployed after just finishing 17 years of gut wrenching education, being of the best (OK not at uni) and generally being a nice guy?

Signed,
DB.

[darkmetal505]

Mr. Terra,

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

If a tree falls in the wood, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

[Lucifus]

Dear MJ,

I am very sad to find out my life will amass to nothing but alas, I fear you are correct......

What is the true essence of a black hole?

Whats the difference between a black hole and a white hole?

Why do people watch anime?

Is it true Michael Jackson and Bill Gates are hitting it off?

How do I get rich to go along with my Awesome Don King Style Hairdo to get laid?

Why does my little brothers Rabbit always run under my bed?

What will happen when your post count hits 8000? Will it bring about the end of the world? And if so, your running a bit late, its already 666.

And I feel for you, Your next post is gonna be a long one.

[Honoko]

Mr. Terra,

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/05/26/chicken.egg/

[Terracosmo]

First off, everything I say is truth, and as such, there is no need for discussion in this topic. Why discuss the truth?

That being said, let there be answers:

------------------

Dear opposite of Righty,

you should definately start with porn, which also happens to be a very underrated job. Imagine how hard it must be to get into action at any time. Well, then again, for some people that might not be hard, but anyway, do it. It's an experience! Oh and that ass part sounded painful. Perhaps you should get a sex change, that might decrease the pain in the longer run?

--------------------------

Dear Tom tasty-sausage (no sexual pun intended),

if by wemen you mean "women", then none, as it will be heavy. If you by wemen meant "semen", then I don't want to see you juggle anything.

-----------------

Dear Lobster of magnetic powers,

"I've asked this before but I never got an answer. Why does terracosmo, gotwoots greatest self-professed "sex fiend" and most depraved individual find female genitalia disgusting?"

Because it looks like a jumbled and distorted image of an old piece of meat and anyone who thinks otherwise is blind. And I am not deprived. Or am I? Dun dun

Oh and for the reference "eating someone out" is the most disgusting way to describe oral sex that I've ever heard. Anyone who says that again will die swiftly.

-----------------

Dear Faust,

"Here's a ball-tickler for you:
"ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA"

or

"ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA"?"

Neither, I pick "MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA" of course.

"Is a bear Catholic?"

No, but a beer might make him one. (I love that pun)

-------------------

Dear Wingy Dancy,

"Life or death situation!! Should I play Twilight Princess on the Gamecube or on the Wii?
Given the shape of the controller, should Nintendo release female dating sims?"

Since I am also looking forward to this game, I'll give you an honest answer. The Wii. The gaming experience will likely be more complete when everything is at it's full potential. And yes, female dating sims is a must, but only if all guys look like Yzak.

-----------

Dear Dragonball hunter,

"Why do I have dandruff and how do I cure it forever instead of for weeks at a time?"

What most people don't know is that dandruff are living organisms. They live inside your body normally, but when you start smelling bad they try to escape and always get stuck in the hair. So the solution is to keep them inside your body by smelling good. Use deodarant.

"Why can I mever maintain my weight training for more than 2 months at most in one go?"

Because you are a lazy son of a bitch who have other things in life that you value and find just as stimulating as weight training. In other words you are just like me in that area.

"Why am I writing in this thread?"

Why do I wear black jeans? Because it rocks.

"For someone watching episode 6 of one piece, when does it get to be good?"

When Sanji enters is the quick and easy way to answer this one.

"Why am I unemployed after just finishing 17 years of gut wrenching education, being of the best (OK not at uni) and generally being a nice guy?"

Because you are either,

a) a regular unlucky person
b) not willing to pleasure people you do not know orally

-------------------

Dear metal of dark,

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"

The horny rooster. Get it? CAME! God I'm funny.

"If a tree falls in the wood, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?"

Only if it hits a squirrel carrying a megaphone.

---------------

Dear Luci-suffix,

"What is the true essence of a black hole?"

The neverending flow of mana from the holy land, which will never forgive you for your sins.

"Whats the difference between a black hole and a white hole?"

White holes often have black materia in them, whereas black holes not as often have white materia in them.

"Why do people watch anime?"

Good question. I'd never do that.

"Is it true Michael Jackson and Bill Gates are hitting it off?"

It's about as true as the fact that I'm right now listening to finnish melodic death metal. Oh lo and behold, I am. That's funny.

"How do I get rich to go along with my Awesome Don King Style Hairdo to get laid?"

First you buy a guitar. Then you head to the city. When there, you start playing hideously bad while having a sign behind you saying "if you pay me I'll stop playing". You'll get rich quickly.

"Why does my little brothers Rabbit always run under my bed?"

This is where you should probably ask your brother what exactly he does with the rabbit...

"What will happen when your post count hits 8000? Will it bring about the end of the world? And if so, your running a bit late, its already 666."

The end of the world, ah, yes, definately. It will end the world as you know it. It no doubt will. But seriously, no, and nor will post #9000 or #10000, other than it will alter my status of lifeless to "extremely lifeless with extra sallad". And we all know sallad is pretty cool so I'll survive anyway.

666, reminds me of the new Omen movie, which will probably blow.

/ Professor Terra

[RyougaZell]

Dear Tierra Cosmico

Please tell me why penguins don't fly and taste like chocolate with cream.

Is mage Santa Claus is disguise?

Name the 90000 asteroids of the Solar System.

Is the roof on fire?

Is Gogol really the Square root of Gogolplex?

Can I have your autograph?

Why do we need to understand recursivity before fully comprehend recursivity?

Salchicomula pata de mula bibidi babidi buu?

Kudos.

[DB_Hunter]

Dear Terra,

Why do staplers always have lots of staples in them but run out just when you need them?

In a fight between bull and a gorilla who would win?

Why do you always have to ask for extra salad or condiments, no matter which eatery you go to?

Signed,
DB.

[ChaosK]

Dear Person Who Fears Stalkers,
Why do you fear stalkers? Aren't half your girlfriends stalkers to begin with? (I use the term girlfriend loosly)

[Mr Squiggles]

Dear Terra,

My friend Says that Zaraki Kenpachi is the most badass character of all time (excluding Yzak of course since it wouldn't be much of a contest). I, on the other hands believe that as badass as Kenpachi is, Alucard (in the manga not the anime) beats him hands down in the domain of badassness. Who is right? If neither of us is right, then just WHO (again excluding Yzak) is the most badass character of all time, and why?

Edit, below: Well I haven't watched/read any of beserk yet so pardon my ignorance. If this Guts fellow really is as badass as you say then I really need to get around to watching this series.

[masamuneehs]

Squiggles: Terra doesn't need to answer that question, I think that's fairly obvious:

Guts from Berserk is the most badass character ever (Yzak included).

Terra: If you had to watch one hentai thing for the rest of your life what would it be?

[RedX1z]

dear mr.cosmo,

if your house was on fire and you had enough time to save three things, what would it be?

why do they let old people drive?

-signed, redx1.

[Winged Dancer]

Dear hubby,

When, oh when will the Naruto fillers end?

Where is the song that goes like this? Where is it? Where, where?

[Ryllharu]

Dear Terra:

Why can't I find a job?

[Terracosmo]

Dear HibikiDincht,

"Please tell me why penguins don't fly and taste like chocolate with cream."

Since they can't fly, they unfortunately have a tendency to fall into chocolate cream streams (located at random places in the antarctics), which leaves a lasting taste.

"Is mage Santa Claus is disguise?"

I sincerily hope not, Santa must never find out about my hentai collection. If he does, he might stop giving me new hentai at christmas. My collection must always grow!

"Name the 90000 asteroids of the Solar System."

Yzak1,Yzak2,Yzak3,Yzak4......Yzak90000.

"Is the roof on fire?"

Bloodhound Gang SUCKS.

"Is Gogol really the Square root of Gogolplex?"

Square? No, no, they are called Square-Enix now.

"Can I have your autograph?"

Which boob do you want me to sign?
...
Wait a second, no, you can't.

"Why do we need to understand recursivity before fully comprehend recursivity?"

Speak english damn you.

"Salchicomula pata de mula bibidi babidi buu?"

Hasta la vista hoola bandoola super saiyan oogie boogie fuck you

"Kudos."

I think the kodos in WC3/WoW are pretty cute.

------------------

Dear duckbill hunter,

"Why do staplers always have lots of staples in them but run out just when you need them?"

Even staples need to get married eventually. Not all of them want papers.

"In a fight between bull and a gorilla who would win?"

Whoever wears the sexiest pants. The bull should try using leather.

"Why do you always have to ask for extra salad or condiments, no matter which eatery you go to?"

Well you don't have to, but you must desperately eat it, isn't that right? You greedy person you! Think of the children!

---------------

Dear kidstalker,

"Why do you fear stalkers? Aren't half your girlfriends stalkers to begin with? (I use the term girlfriend loosly)"

Well, there is a reason the term "girlfriend" is used loosely, right? ;D
(explanation: I don't care for them)

-----------

Dear squidler,

"My friend Says that Zaraki Kenpachi is the most badass character of all time (excluding Yzak of course since it wouldn't be much of a contest). I, on the other hands believe that as badass as Kenpachi is, Alucard (in the manga not the anime) beats him hands down in the domain of badassness. Who is right? If neither of us is right, then just WHO (again excluding Yzak) is the most badass character of all time, and why?"

Dio Brando (http://valethcosmo.free.fr/thesite/dio.htm), of course.

----------

Dear person who wrongfully suggested Guts to be the most badass character ever,

"If you had to watch one hentai thing for the rest of your life what would it be?"

A collage consisting of all of Azasuke's best work, such as the Sakura gangbang and the Seung Mina staff violation.

----------

Dear zero rockman,

"if your house was on fire and you had enough time to save three things, what would it be?"

my drums, my ps2 and my yzak figurine which I received from eurasian!

"why do they let old people drive?"

Because PEOPLE NEED TO BE ABLE TO DIE!
It effectively keeps population lower.

-------

Dear wife,

"When, oh when will the Naruto fillers end?"

There are no fillers. Close your eyes and they will go away. It works for Dattebayo, right?!

"Where is the song that goes like this? Where is it? Where, where?"

Where? Over there! That's where it is! Where oh where, is it there, it is where, there, where, why, when, woohoo!

-------------

Dear haru von ryll,

because, life sucks. Whenever you find one you may return to the topic and tell me how you succeeded. I could use some tips myself...

/ Unemployed Superterra

[RyougaZell]

Dear GaianChaos

Who the hell is Bloodhound?

Is Miyamoto dating Kojima?

Are you the AntiChrist?

Will I ever get vacations on my job?... wait don't answer that one.

Is Deadifire really Dead?

* the black dincht small-pig has spoken * <- he took 9 months to find a job..

[DB_Hunter]

Dear Terra,

Why is that I can no longer go to sleep before 5am?

Who is stronger: Mystic Gohan or Super Saiyan 3 Goku?

Will people ever break the speed of light barrier?

Who/what is Yzak?

Who is going to win the football World Cup in Germany and why?

If it takes 8 monkeys 10 minutes to eat 8 cakes, how long does it take 3 monkeys to eat 3 cakes?

How does one prevent one's skin from itching and breaking out into a rash due to frequent shaving?

Can you stop the wave of pollen that is coming over the UK from Denmark?

Signed,
DB.

[UChessmaster]

dear terra

why do people watch american idol?

when will naruto filler end?

how come i didnt bother to read ALL question in case someone else made my same question?

how come when i make a comment someone PM me saying something related to ahou/bird/jr. and still feel they are original/cool?

[ChaosK]

Dear Cosmic Terra,

Why did you claim to be a transsexual, around the time I joined Gotwoot?

Okay, lets be super cereal now, do you believe in Pig-Bear--err I mean Man-Bear-Pig?

[Terracosmo]

Dear piglet of destruction,

"Who the hell is Bloodhound?"

Like Foxhound, only not as well prepared.

"Is Miyamoto dating Kojima?"

Which Kojima? Cuz if it's Ayami, hell no! Their offspring would then draw Castlevania-style paintings of Mario! Disaster!

"Are you the AntiChrist?"

Anti is such an emo expression. I refuse to be one of those "let's just be anti-everything cuz it's cool!" people. I REFUSE!

"Will I ever get vacations on my job?... wait don't answer that one."

Fine, I won't answer it.

(YOU SHALL HAVE NO VACATION!)

"Is Deadifire really Dead?"

No, but Deadfire is. Otherwise he's a liar and will face the consequences.

------------------------

Dear Danny Boston hunter, (don't ask about the name)

"Why is that I can no longer go to sleep before 5am?"

Because you are most likely awake waiting for my new posts, since I usually am awake around 5 am to perform my lifeless activities.

"Who is stronger: Mystic Gohan or Super Saiyan 3 Goku?"

MYSTIC GOHAN. No eyebrows is scary. :(

"Will people ever break the speed of light barrier?"

They might, but I'll repair the damn barrier just to spite them.

"Who/what is Yzak?"

Yzak is legion, for he is many.

"Who is going to win the football World Cup in Germany and why?"

Who the fuck cares? Football sucks.

Holland will win.

Because they have that blindish guy with the glasses.

"If it takes 8 monkeys 10 minutes to eat 8 cakes, how long does it take 3 monkeys to eat 3 cakes?"

The same as it takes for 5 snowmen to scream in agony while being vaporized by the warmth emerging from the ovens in which the cakes were.

"How does one prevent one's skin from itching and breaking out into a rash due to frequent shaving?"

Shave more. The problem subsides eventually. At least it did for me.
Maybe you just suck at shaving. Or need a new shaver. Tried electronic?

"Can you stop the wave of pollen that is coming over the UK from Denmark?"

Can, and want, are unfortunately two different things. I am a pollen allergic myself but I say it's your turn to feel the pain!

--------------------

Dear person who wants to be a master of chess,

"why do people watch american idol?"

Because it gives them the chance to laugh at other people being pathetic, making them forget how miserable their own lives are for a few moments.

"when will naruto filler end?"

"how come i didnt bother to read ALL question in case someone else made my same question?"

You suck.

"how come when i make a comment someone PM me saying something related to ahou/bird/jr. and still feel they are original/cool?"

I don't understand what you mean. Nobody's original or cool except me.

----------------

Dear kiddo for the 10th or so time,

"Why did you claim to be a transsexual, around the time I joined Gotwoot?"

I didn't claim that. Others claimed it for me. I didn't say it was false, however.

"Okay, lets be super cereal now, do you believe in Pig-Bear--err I mean Man-Bear-Pig?"

Nope, but I do believe that if he exists in an alternate dimension, he's most likely eating cereal.

/ Allknowing Terry

[Winged Dancer]

"Who is going to win the football World Cup in Germany and why?"

Who the fuck cares? Football sucks.

Holland will win.

Because they have that blindish guy with the glasses.


.... Finally, a male who doesn't think in terms of "ball, kick, goal :) ". I'm so happy.

And Holland will win 'cause them players are the hottest, even more than the Italians. nd the Swedish team need axes, they're all scarily big.

Eh, a question... uh....
I know!

Why is it considered so wrong for females to watch porn?
It's so educative, or at least funny.

[RyougaZell]

Dear Doctor Heartless:

define the definition of definitivety

why is it so cold on the office?

can i have a cookie?

[xDarkMaster]

Dear Terra,

How can a house burn up and down at the same time?

[XanBcoo]

I had a question: "Who does Kaname Tousen remind me of?" but you just answered it:
Holland will win.

Because they have that blindish guy with the glasses.

Also, why is The OC so popular??

[DB_Hunter]

The blindish guy is Edgar Davids!!! No more ambiguity with football please!

[Kraco]

One question:

Do Swedes today still consider themselves Vikings?

[Deadfire]

Dear Terra,

How much coffee have I had today?

How much coffee in a day is "safe" to have?

Why am i forced to go to school with complete dumbasses?

Speaking of lefts and rights, if two wrongs don't make a right, how come three rights make a left?

Should Vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do you find it a bit unnerving doctors call what they do practice?

If a funeral procession is at night, do you drive with your lights off?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Thanks, DF

[Jadugar]

Am I really a bitch? :eek:

[Terracosmo]

Dear woman who sent me an all-too-addictive version of the super mario theme where some guys dun-dun-dun their way through it,

"Why is it considered so wrong for females to watch porn?
It's so educative, or at least funny."

That, just as most other things, is of course the fault of women themselves. It all originated when some hairy 40-year old virgin named Bertha (or similar stupid name) decided that "since I don't get any action, nobody will, evar!". She then formed a group of equally hairy women who then decided that everything related to porn is bad. Bertha later managed to have an affair with a rich male 60-year old virgin. This rich man unfortunately had quite the influence over the world, and through his stupid wife (who died a slow death by being burned on a stake... by me) the teachings were spread, and since there now are so many ugly and hairy women on the face of the earth, it has gone so far that it's considered wrong for all women to watch porn even though it's educative, funny, and sometimes strangely arousing.

-----------------

Dear Ryoze,

"Dear Doctor Heartless:"

I love that title.

"define the definition of definitivety"

I would, but then I would have to write definitiviety a million times and it's so hard to spell so I won't.

"why is it so cold on the office?"

If I was one of those mechanics who regularly visit offices and workplaces to make sure everything works fine, I'd probably sometimes "accidently mix" with the temperature out of boredom. Maybe I'm not the only one?

"can i have a cookie?"

If you buy me a box of cookies, yes, I can let you have one.

----------------

Dear zlightmaster,

"How can a house burn up and down at the same time?"

Imagine a house burning sideways. That would be awesome.

Ehm, what?

---------------------

Dear phone of 19 years,

"Also, why is The OC so popular??"

Because people like to hurt themselves mentally?
I've never understood the appeal of shows like that. Like HAY LOL GENERIC SOAP OPERA FOR TEENS ROTFL EVERYBODY FUCKS EACH OTHER LMAO AFFAIRS BAD GRADES TEACHER BJ

I hate school.

-------------

Dear cracker,

"Do Swedes today still consider themselves Vikings?"

Some of us do, but that doesn't really matter when the rest of the world considers us sexual predators who eats meatballs.

*coughs aloud* sexfiends all of them, why I'd never... *cough*

-------------

Dear zombiefire of many questions,

"How much coffee have I had today?"

More than me, less than you should. Coffee > *

"How much coffee in a day is "safe" to have?"

Oooooh, so you don't care about safe sex but you care about safe coffee consumption? HYPOCRITE!

"Why am i forced to go to school with complete dumbasses?"

Do not hate dumbasses! They make you look smart by comparison. Dumbasses are the reason that we have jobs! (except I'm unemployed)

"Speaking of lefts and rights, if two wrongs don't make a right, how come three rights make a left?"

Three rights make a left? That only applies in the twilight zone. Here in gothenburg, three rights gets me to the ice cream bar. That's tasty.

"Should Vegetarians eat animal crackers?"

They should. And when they have eaten them, you can say "hah, there was actually 2% of animal meat in the cracker!".

Mwah hah, I hate vegetarians.

"Do you find it a bit unnerving doctors call what they do practice?"

No, because in swedish, that expression is not used. ;)

"If a funeral procession is at night, do you drive with your lights off?"

I don't have a driver's license, so I refuse to answer.
But if I had one I'd always have the lights off just for the sake of action.

"If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?"

lol prostitute

"If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?"

I don't know. I just wish he'd go ahead and do it. There is an old schizo lady who usually hangs out at my bus stop, and she walks around screaming randomly. I am so close to kicking her ass every time.

"When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?"

~Sign your name across my heart, I want you to be my baby~

Ah yes, Terrence Trent D'arby, whatever happened to him?

"When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?"

Throw away a cotton ball? That a poor child somewhere in the world was most likely forced to put together while simultaneously being whipped?

Yeah, throw it away.

"Would a fly without wings be called a walk?"

They would be called "splat", as in the sound when I kill them. It will be easier when they can't fly around.

// El Terra Diablo

[Mr Squiggles]

Dear Terra,

In a fight between Sagara Sousuke(not in a mecha) and Ranma, who would win?

Why do we need so much sleep to function properly?

Just how fun is a barrel of monkeys anyways?

Why are you no longer employed?

If I have dreams of people getting killed and I wake up with a smile, does it make me a bad person?

[ChaosK]

Dear Terra,

What the fuck goes on inside your mind? That last post in the IRC thread about the beer, pillow...catter-thing....where the fuck did that come from?

[UChessmaster]

if the black box is so resistant, how come planes are not made of the same material?

[PSJ]

Why the fuck won't people be allowed to chain their wives in the kitchen?

[Winged Dancer]

Why the fuck won't people be allowed to chain their wives in the kitchen?

Because that makes us wives sad :(
And we'd have the kitchen knives at hand. We'd kill you or poison your food, maybe.

Dear man who hums the Mario theme song at MSN,

I've got more of the sytle, though not with dun-dun guys. Basically that song is part of the Mario and Zelda Big Band Live concert, which has jazz orchestrations of the Nintendo themes. The Mario 64 song is too amazing, really.

Now, the question... eh...
Do you want some more of those songs?

How much water should I drink daily?

[ChaosK]

But your not married...and after your future husband sees this he'll probably demand you be "the man"

[DB_Hunter]

Dear Terrasaur,

Why is this thread turning into a conversation between people instead of people simply asking for your advice?

If sniffing glue makes one a substance abuser, does sniffing a baby make you a child abuser?

Is James Bond insecure?

Of all the predators in the world which one would best make a good pair of trainers (i.e. training/running shoes)?

Of all the mystical world's that he went to why did Willy Wonka choose little child like creatures to be his workers?

Why is Japan so far away?

[Terracosmo]

Dear Squishy,

"In a fight between Sagara Sousuke(not in a mecha) and Ranma, who would win?"

Sousuke? I haven't watched FMP. Sagara Sanosuke on the other hand... ah, Kenshin.

Ranma.

"Why do we need so much sleep to function properly?"

Much sleep? I only sleep like 3 hours a night and look how proper I function!

"Just how fun is a barrel of monkeys anyways?"

Not as fun as the prospect. They are so fucking loud to actually listen to.

"Why are you no longer employed?"

There was a voice inside me who convinced me I deserved better than McDonalds. I followed the advice of the voice and now I'm unemployed. Gee, thanks a lot voice!

"If I have dreams of people getting killed and I wake up with a smile, does it make me a bad person?"

No, I do that all the time. Sometimes with an added touch of torture and maiming.

Am I the right person to ask?

---------------------

Dear personwhohaspostedfuckingmanyquestions,

"What the fuck goes on inside your mind? That last post in the IRC thread about the beer, pillow...catter-thing....where the fuck did that come from?"

Mmmmm... sandwich.

That's where it came from.

-------------------

Dear sexfiend junior,

"Why the fuck won't people be allowed to chain their wives in the kitchen?"

That's a funny question actually, because do you know how much chains cost?
They are hell to remove when you take your wife-thingy for a walk, too.
I say, let's superglue them to the sink instead!

--------------------

Dear future victim of superglue,

"Do you want some more of those songs?"

Yesplz!

"How much water should I drink daily?"

I drink 3 glasses of water after everything I eat.
So how similar do you want to be to me? Adjust accordingly.

...wow, I really do drink 3 glasses of water after everything I eat. I don't even like water that much.

----------------

Dear person who posts almost as many questions as stalker kiddo,

"Why is this thread turning into a conversation between people instead of people simply asking for your advice?"

If only they knew that I'm secretly increasing their warning meters!

"If sniffing glue makes one a substance abuser, does sniffing a baby make you a child abuser?"

This is a great question. Everybody should sniff babies when they are young, the smell of unwashed baby mouth and diper surprises will probably eliminate child abuse altogether. Disgusting!

"Is James Bond insecure?"

With a hairy chest, a mighty magnum and more women than my hippie mother made out with when she was young, would you be insecure?

"Of all the predators in the world which one would best make a good pair of trainers (i.e. training/running shoes)?"

When I was young I used to have a cow's skin on the wall, unfortunately I had to remove it because I was allergic. Imagine that, allergic to a cow's skin.

There is probably some wisdom to collect in this answer.

"Of all the mystical world's that he went to why did Willy Wonka choose little child like creatures to be his workers?"

Listen to his name! Willy Wonka! If that doesn't sound "hello thar I'm gonna rape yu0 kiddo!" then I don't know what does. But seriously, child creatures, aren't they like living raspberries or something? Or dwarves?

Why did that new chocolate factory movie become so popular? It blew bigtime!

LOL Tim Burton LOL Johnny Depp LOL instant success MY FUCKING ASS

"Why is Japan so far away?"

To prevent all the obsessive japanophiles from getting there. JAPANOPHILES MUST DIE.

EAT YOUR DAMN RAMEN AT HOME AND SHUT UP YOU GODDAMN NERDS!

YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE ANIME CHARACTERS!

QUIT RIDICULING THE HUMAN RACE!!!!!1111

// Terra "yaoi fangirls must die after being raped by a bunch of bulls" Cosmo

-----------

Bonus answers which I forgot earlier:

From the former ahou bird,

"if the black box is so resistant, how come planes are not made of the same material?"

Maybe the ones who originally came up with the black box designs were super-sadists of death? "lol this box can record sounds of death!". They could later use it for necromancy.

No, sorry, that wasn't funny. I don't know. I fucking hate planes. I wish they'd follow your question and make sure I could board one without thinking I'm going to die.

--------------------

From Jadubitch,

"Am I a bitch?"

Yes you are.
And neg repping me randomly as soon as I state you are one won't make you less of a bitch either.

BURN.

/ Superterra del Cosmo

[RyougaZell]

Dear Ex-Mcdonadls Employee

- Do you eat at Burguer King?

- Do you even still like hamburguers?

- If I do buy you the jar of cookies... can I get the first one?

- Can we kill Mexican Tv?

- Can we burn the people that censor Anime in the states?

- Dattebayo Dattebayo Dattebayo-yo?

- Shannaro?

- Oro?

- Hoe?

- ......... ?

- ? ?

- Can you answer the above questions again?

- Explain the next text.
> The next phrase is true.
> The previous one is false.

- Explain this other one.
> There are 10 kinds of people. Those who know binary code, and those that don't.

[bagandscalpel]

Dear Dio's Bitch,

In order to appease the fanboi within me, I must ask:

What name would you bestow upon a dreamteam composed of: Guts, Kenshiro, Jotaro, and Alucard (Hellsing, not Castlevania)?
These four are what I deem most hardcore (through action), and the composition is one that might hold together.

[Deadfire]

- Explain the next text.
> The next phrase is true.
> The previous one is false.

If a) "the following sentence is true" is true, then b) "the above sentence is false" must be true, in which case a) would be false.
However, if a) is false, then b) is false, in which case a) would be true.

Thus we have an infinite cycle with each alternating between true and false in which case both would be either both true and false at the same time, aternating as the great cycle of existince in infinite circles as the Mayans believe. For which reason both are true and both are false and both are beyond true and false.

...or, you could take the easy way out and say that, as neither sentence actually states anything, there is no proposition and thus no truth or falsehood to be discerned.

Dear Terra,

How do you kill a zombie? I mean they ARE the walking dead so how does one go about killing something thats already dead?

If winners never quit, and quitters never win, then what's up with "Quit while you're ahead?"

What happens when the unstoppable force collides with the immovable object?

How would you create a naked singularity?

I'm planning on starting a revolution in a country that is a world power. Should I invest legions of religous fanatics, a few nuclear weapons, or a company of midgets armed with electric cattle-prods?

What would you do if you woke up encased in green Jell-O?

What's more terrifying, a snugglepuss or a cuddlebuns?

Also,


"Is Deadifire really Dead?"

No, but Deadfire is. Otherwise he's a liar and will face the consequences.

I got to admit, I wonder what these consequences are...

[Winged Dancer]

But super-glue ruins the skin! You wouldn't want a woman whose skin feels like an old couch!

Why not use leather?




- Can we kill Mexican Tv?



Can we, please?

[PSJ]

But super-glue ruins the skin! You wouldn't want a woman whose skin feels like an old couch!

Why not use leather?



Can we, please?

The skin doesn't matter, she's just for cooking, cleaning, washing and sex. When that time comes you just put a paper bag over her ugly face and bend her over.

[ChaosK]

The skin doesn't matter, she's just for cooking, cleaning, washing and sex. When that time comes you just put a paper bag over her ugly face and bend her over.


...its a good thing gotwoot has all of like 3 girls who come around. or else you'd face the wrath of some females.

[PSJ]

Yea, i hope people can understand and appreaciate it as humour though.

[ChaosK]

Dear Cosmedic Wearer,
This squirrel across the street has been giving me naughty looks, should I take the hint and go with the squirrel?

Signed,
The Perverted Chipmunk.

[Zidarri the Exile]

Why is it that masturbation and hand jobs feel so different? They are the same damn thing, in essence.

[PSJ]

Why is it that masturbation and hand jobs feel so different? They are the same damn thing, in essence.

Because you do the first one with your own hands, the second is done by a female.

[Zidarri the Exile]

Well, my hands are softer than any female who's ever given me a HJ, and it still feels different. :/

Anywho; why does Mountain Dew RoXXer MY SoXXerS?

[Terracosmo]

Stop fucking answering my questions and discussing random stuff in this thread!

Answers will come soon. Will edit this post then.

(currently watching X-Men Evolution. mwah hah.)

EDIT: Said and done:

--------------------

Dear ...zellryo,

"hamburger questions"

BURGER KING > MCDONALDS
I LOVE JUNK FOOD

"If I do buy you the jar of cookies... can I get the first one?"

lol

"Can we kill Mexican Tv?"

Mexican what? Do they have TVs there?

(hi WD!)

"Can we burn the people that censor Anime in the states?"

Burn anime in the states altogether so we can stay cool and underground subjapanese!

"random sounds"

Yeah I also like to get drunk.

"> The next phrase is true.
> The previous one is false."

Terra is true, everything else is not.

"- Explain this other one.
> There are 10 kinds of people. Those who know binary code, and those that don't."

There are 2 kinds of people, the ones who laugh at this bad joke and those who don't.

---------------------

Dear person who called me Dio's bitch, a name I liked,

"In order to appease the fanboi within me, I must ask:

What name would you bestow upon a dreamteam composed of: Guts, Kenshiro, Jotaro, and Alucard (Hellsing, not Castlevania)?
These four are what I deem most hardcore (through action), and the composition is one that might hold together."

I'd call them THE BAYVILLE SIRENS! They would run around in tight jeans and shake their booties and fight evil car stealers all day long.

(did anyone catch the reference?)

------------------

Dear living fire who will find a pleasant surprise in his mailbox for not being dead,

"How do you kill a zombie? I mean they ARE the walking dead so how does one go about killing something thats already dead?"

You make them play Soul Calibur 3 until the game's damn AI makes them implode.

"If winners never quit, and quitters never win, then what's up with "Quit while you're ahead?"

Oh. That's funny. I always thought the expression was "quit while you're getting head". You know, it would save all the trouble of actually having se- ehm.. yeah, quitting is bad. Or is it?

"What happens when the unstoppable force collides with the immovable object?"

The immovable force gets jealous of her husband (unstoppable force) and files a divorce.

"How would you create a naked singularity?"

By paying a dressed singularity to take his/her clothes off?

I'm a naked singularity right now if you don't count underwear.

"I'm planning on starting a revolution in a country that is a world power. Should I invest legions of religous fanatics, a few nuclear weapons, or a company of midgets armed with electric cattle-prods?"

Midgets. harder to hit. But electric cattle-prods won't break into my super evil mega fortress of DOOM made out of bubblegum!

"What would you do if you woke up encased in green Jell-O?"

Eat myself out and die after 5 chews. But first I'd probably scream a bit due to latent claustrophobia which would develop when faced with the situation.

"What's more terrifying, a snugglepuss or a cuddlebuns?"

If anyone ever calls me snugglepuss, I will hit the person hard and then maim him/her with a pair of iron drumsticks.

Cuddlebuns sounds like something out of a bakery. Mmmmm, cuddlebuns.

--------------------

Dear mexican sombrero wielding woman,

"But super-glue ruins the skin! You wouldn't want a woman whose skin feels like an old couch!

Why not use leather?"

Leather is for saturdays. Read the schedule!

-------------------

Dear stalker-balker-schmalker-kralker and several other ugly words,

"This squirrel across the street has been-"

Get out of my thread.

---------------------------

Dear zidarri who does not belong here, (being an exile)

"Why is it that masturbation and hand jobs feel so different? They are the same damn thing, in essence."

Maybe because most women suck at doing it.
It's either,

too hard
too soft
too slow
too fast

YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO HANDLE IT LIKE THE GEARBOX OF A CAR!

...NOT A SPORTS CAR!

"Anywho; why does Mountain Dew RoXXer MY SoXXerS?"

Because your socks smell terrible?

// Terrus Nimbulus

[Zinobi]

Dear Sexfiend,
Why are teenage girls overdramatic, stuck up, religious "jerks" that hate for saying they look like a cute puppy?

[6Zabuza9]

Dear Sexfiend,
Why are teenage girls overdramatic, stuck up, religious "jerks" that hate for saying they look like a cute puppy?

dear terra,
can you tell me y zinobi asked this?

[rockmanj]

do you enjoy lingonberries??

[xDarkMaster]

Dear Terracosmo,

How do I get rid of the voices at night?

[PSJ]

Why do i love to see myself in the mirror?

[Knives122]

Why is your name now purple?

[ChaosK]

Dear....oh forget it i'm outta something witty,
What is the perfect bra size?

[Sandldan]

Do you know any people from "Varberg"?

[Winged Dancer]

I'm supposed to write an essay on the importance of animals when they represent humans in poems that deal with childhood.

How should I start it? I'm stuck!

[Terracosmo]

Dear person who is about as popular in the IRC channel as I am when I dress black and accompany my mom to church, (which thankfully doesn't happen very often, no offense against god, but damn it is boring)

"Why are teenage girls overdramatic, stuck up, religious "jerks" that hate for saying they look like a cute puppy?"

Because teenage guys are adrenalinepumped morons who think with their dicks and loves humiliating others in a vain attempt to get the attention of the girls you mention.

It evens out.

------------

Dear zabuza with two numbers on each end of his nick which forms a somewhat pleasant sexual position,

"can you tell me y zinobi asked this?"

I might be a internet idol, supersexy megacool flamboyant drummer in control of the fate of the universe... but I'm not a fucking mindreader. And I'm glad I'm not. Because if I was, I'd implode due to all the idiocy in the average person's mind.

-------------

Dear megaman x6 is too fucking hard,

"do you enjoy lingonberries??"

Not the berries themselves, but the "juice". I like eating them together with meatballs, dipping the balls in the juice and then discarding the berries. Yes I know that sentence sounded very mysterious and suggesting, but that wasn't my intention.

And yes I like meatballs for real and it's not just a funny thing I write because I'm swedish. IT'S PART OF MY GENES!

----------------

Dear somewhatdarkmatter,

"How do I get rid of the voices at night?"

Have you tried shutting off the TV? I used to forget that. It almost drew me insane. Can't believe it took so long a time to realize that was the reason.

-------------

Dear JSP (looks almost like jasper),

"Why do i love to see myself in the mirror?"

Oh, so the image of me I put up on your mirror is working out fine? Glad to hear!

----------

Dear forks,

"Why is your name now purple?"

:( <= because this purple smiley came up to me recently and said "Terra man, you are the only one who can help me, when people see purple they think of me and automatically become sad". So I took it upon myself to wear purple so that people will think of me instead of the smiley. Because when people think of me, they always become happy! The bad thing about this is that people will forget the smiley, and the few who remember him will always see him as the sad pathetic round little thing he is. Don't tell him I said that.

---------

Dear person who wasn't witty to begin with,

"What is the perfect bra size?"

If I told you, you wouldn't know what I'm talking about because you don't know shit about bra sizes. ADMIT IT! (because I sure don't)

-----------

Dear sandsomething,

"Do you know any people from "Varberg"?"

Everyone I knew are dead. DEAD!

-------------

Dear woman who for some reason believes I'm the right person to ask about schoolstuff,

"I'm supposed to write an essay on the importance of animals when they represent humans in poems that deal with childhood.

How should I start it? I'm stuck!"

You can start by killing the teacher.

Animals? Importance? Childhood?

The only thing I remember about animals from my childhood is an ugly big black dog who took a leak on my mailbox once. ON MY FUCKING MAILBOX! And I still remember it, I was like what, 5? Luckily they killed him off a few years later.

I still wash my mailbox regularly.

/ Terra Wagner

[Mr Squiggles]

Dear Terra,
No matter what I do, gnomes are always watching my every move. It's starting to freak me out. How should I tell them to leave me alone without hurting their feelings? I don't want to upset them because god knows what an angry gnome might do...

[6Zabuza9]

dear terra,
i heard every person has another person who looks exactly like the person somewhere in the world. what would you do if you met the person who looked exactly like you? (imagine 2 terras :O:O)

[Deadfire]

Dear Terra,

If you made a utopia, how would you keep everyone smart?

Is "happy rod" an acceptable euphemism for "joystick?"

If I think one of my friends is a German/Russian/Azerbaijani spy, what should I do to expose him?

A hobo is looking at me through the window. I have a rifle three feet away, and a twinky in my hand. What do I do?

Why is there no 3 dollar bill?

Why am I so absentminded?

Why do certain people persist in writing in HUGE LETTERS WITH MULTIPLE PUNCTUATION MARKS??!!??!!

If 600 people die in Haiti and there are no celebrities around to mock-cry about it to boost their record sales, does anyone notice?

I am the Angel of Death. What should I do?

Do I dare Disturb the universe?

If WW3 started, what would you think would be the result?

Remember people We do not ask Terra questions because he is qualified, we ask because he is bloody hilarious. :)

[UChessmaster]

Dear Terra

If the black box is almost indestructible, how come planes are not made of it?

If you come from the shower clean, how come you have to wash the towels?

Will i ever get my custom title/avatar back?

Is there something you don`t know so that i can ask you about it?

What are the 2 new characters for Naruto: Ultimate Ninja?

Is it Dosu and Zaku?

If not, how come? we all want to play as Dosu or Zaku.-

If weiners comes in packages of 10, how come bread comes in packages of 8?

What does Terracosmos means?

What does UChessmaster means?

Who is cooler, Nightcrawler or Gambit?

What do you mean nightcrawler? Gambit is sooooooo much cooler.-

[Terracosmo]

Greetings acolytes.

--------------

Dear gnomeobsessed person,

"No matter what I do, gnomes are always watching my every move. It's starting to freak me out. How should I tell them to leave me alone without hurting their feelings? I don't want to upset them because god knows what an angry gnome might do..."

Yeah god knows what they'll do, put stones in your shoes?
What's with you guys and gnomes anyway?
Sick pervs. I bet you really love having them after you!

Oh and don't worry about hurting them, GNOMES HAVE NO SOULS!

---------------

Dear zabby,

"i heard every person has another person who looks exactly like the person somewhere in the world. what would you do if you met the person who looked exactly like you? (imagine 2 terras :O:O)"

Fuck the living shit out of him is what I'd do.

----------------

Dear foolish fire who runs, runs and clings to life,

"If you made a utopia, how would you keep everyone smart?"

People need to be smart in utopia?
Then why do I always get my shit pillaged?

We are talking about the online game aren't we?

"Is "happy rod" an acceptable euphemism for "joystick?""

Just as much as "bundle of joy" is an acceptable euphemism for balls!

"If I think one of my friends is a German/Russian/Azerbaijani spy, what should I do to expose him?"

Make him eat a bratwurst while riding a camel and drinking vodka simultaneously.
Take a photo of this, and undeniable proof is yours.

"A hobo is looking at me through the window. I have a rifle three feet away, and a twinky in my hand. What do I do?"

Throw out the twinky, make him believe he's getting it, shoot him, eat the twinky in front of his corpse, shoot him again. Search through his pockets to find another twinky. Only 5 more for a level up!

"Why is there no 3 dollar bill?"

The guy they wanted to have on the bills refused to share his face.

"Why am I so absentminded?"

Because you think that Kit is sexier than me, so I've cursed you.

"Why do certain people persist in writing in HUGE LETTERS WITH MULTIPLE PUNCTUATION MARKS??!!??!!"

Because they try to imitate me but to no avail. Bunch of losers. NOT EVEN WEARING LIPSTICK!!+01+11!11!

"If 600 people die in Haiti and there are no celebrities around to mock-cry about it to boost their record sales, does anyone notice?"

To be honest for once, no. Nobody would notice. Ever. The world sucks.

"I am the Angel of Death. What should I do?"

Tell me how I can inherit your title so I can defeat you and become the new angel of death. Man that would be soooo cool. I'd kill Hinata fanboys with my scythe all day long.

"Do I dare Disturb the universe?"

You are already disturbing me.

"If WW3 started, what would you think would be the result?"

Bombs and a new comics superhero named Major Oklahoma which will strive to defend the entire world from neo-terrorists and violent video games.

-----------------

Dear fallen ahou bird,

"If the black box is almost indestructible, how come planes are not made of it?"

Read the previous posts god damnit

"If you come from the shower clean, how come you have to wash the towels?"

You wash your towels? lol failed

"Will i ever get my-"

No

"Is there something you don`t know so that i can ask you about it?"

I know everything.

"What are the 2 new characters for Naruto: Ultimate Ninja?

Is it Dosu and Zaku?

If not, how come? we all want to play as Dosu or Zaku.-"

They are the two guys who acted as Rock and Gai in a filler sometime ago.

"If weiners comes in packages of 10, how come bread comes in packages of 8?"

Haven't you heard the fables? One who shall eat 10 breads and weiners on a row shalt forever turn into the shape of a hot dog with mustard

"What does Terracosmos means?"

Nimo enim fere saltat sobrius, nisi forte insanit.

"What does UChessmaster means?"

That "U" are a Chessmaster?

"Who is cooler, Nightcrawler or Gambit?"

What do you mean nightcrawler? Gambit is sooooooo much cooler.-"

Gambit generally, but not in Evolution.
Nightcrawler is so cute there that I want to bite him.

/ Terra LeBeau

[dragonrage]

whats with the purple title, we already know you are bi, there is no need to be a flaming homo:p . But it does make a statement. Heck its really hard to miss as well.

[Deadfire]

Dear Terra,

My MPS just dropped below my HGS, and now the RWRR is going to get out of sync with the FLIR, and my BBN-equipped ADAT is going berserk. What do I do?

If I kill someone in a No Littering zone, should I dump the body somewhere else to avoid a ticket?

How come on TV when people drive, they're always turning the wheel left and right even though they're driving in a straight line? And why are there always little camera shakes to indicate rough roads, even with a hovercar like in I, Robot

Sometimes I feel like crying but I just can't, what should I do?

Have I found the Admin's handbook here? (http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html)

If a genie appeared and gave me 3 wishs.....would asking for more wishes destroy the genie?

What would Jesus drive?

God impregnated Mary with Jesus without asking and obviously without protection. Mary didn't know about it till God pointed it out. In a legal sense, doesn't that mean God knocked Mary up?

Should I use common sence or listen only to you?

How much wood WOULD a woodchuck chuck if he could chuck wood? Assuming that the woodchuck has teeth and the motivation to go out and chuck some wood.

How many sheets of paper can one tree make?

Is it half full or half empty?

[Winged Dancer]

Hunny,

Something sweet oh something strong,
Since my love no longer can turn me on,
The girls in the suits and those girly boys,
I gave my life to rock 'n roll?

[6Zabuza9]

dear terra.

can you give 3 solutions to all of deadfire's questions?

[Terracosmo]

Some more answers for you bitches before I embark on my glorious summer festivities,

Dear homophobe,

"whats with the purple title, we already know you are bi, there is no need to be a flaming homo:p . But it does make a statement. Heck its really hard to miss as well."

1. I'm not bisexual
2. Purple is manly!
3. I'm hard to miss as it is, the color just reflects that pretty good!

----------------

Dear fire who has defeated stalkerkiddo in stalkerness,

"My MPS just dropped below my HGS, and now the RWRR is going to get out of sync with the FLIR, and my BBN-equipped ADAT is going berserk. What do I do?"

You could begin with SWLAR (stop writing like a retard)

"If I kill someone in a No Littering zone, should I dump the body somewhere else to avoid a ticket?"

Corpses aren't litter. Would you call your grandgrandmother's corpse litter? What did she ever do to you?

"How come on TV when people drive, they're always turning the wheel left and right even though they're driving in a straight line? And why are there always little camera shakes to indicate rough roads, even with a hovercar like in I, Robot"

I, Robot lol
that movie sucked so much

As for the wheel, I don't know. Who cares. cars suck

"Sometimes I feel like crying but I just can't, what should I do?"

Watch Grave of the Fireflies. If that doesn't turn your tear channeling permanently on, I guess I could come over and slash your wrists open or something..

"Have I found the Admin's handbook here?"

An admin does not have a handbook. You cannot become an admin. YOU ARE BORN ONE!

"If a genie appeared and gave me 3 wishs.....would asking for more wishes destroy the genie?"

No, but you would hurt his feelings and the sacredness of the number "3". Are you man enough to hurt number 3?

"What would Jesus drive?"

A bicycle powered by cloudenergy
Clouds are the future
And so are bicycles
It's good for the environment too!

(this message brought to you by Jesus - "you know that guy who used to ride a donkey")

"God impregnated Mary with Jesus without asking and obviously without protection. Mary didn't know about it till God pointed it out. In a legal sense, doesn't that mean God knocked Mary up?"

Well duh

"Should I use common sence or listen only to you?"

I -am- common sense (look it up in a lexicon!)

"How much wood WOULD a woodchuck chuck if he could chuck wood? Assuming that the woodchuck has teeth and the motivation to go out and chuck some wood."

About as much chuck as a woodchuck with a chuckadillychuckchuck wood would woodydoodwood with chuck's girlfriend

"How many sheets of paper can one tree make?"

30.512

"Is it half full or half empty?"

Half empty! That way you will go "man it's already half empty I need more", so you'll always have a new glass ready when the first one runs out!

-----------

Dear female mexican poet,

"Something sweet oh something strong,
Since my love no longer can turn me on,
The girls in the suits and those girly boys,
I gave my life to rock 'n roll?"

Something hard oh something soft,
Since the tires no longer can turn me aloft,
The girls behind the wheel and those scared boys,
I gave my life to the driving insurance

----

Dear zabrusky,

"can you give 3 solutions to all of deadfire's questions?"

My questions are so multidimensional by default that the amount of different answers can be sought after for all eternity

/ Terra the partyhomo

[Nai]

Purple is actually an extremely regal color. It radiates both dignity and mystery.

Yes, I just had to come to the defense of purple as it's an excellent color which completely lacks a sexuality. Unlike pink, which is quite obviously raging gay. But, since I am in this thread I figure I may as well pose a question to the oracle in my quest to uncover my true nature, so here goes.

Why is it that I'm always attracted to villains and characters generally deemed "bad" or "evil" and completely lack emotions ( other than sheer hatred ) for typical protagonist which may or may not include the following; the shy girl who likes to stutter and has an extremely immature sense of humor ( OH MY, YOU SAID WANG! *BLUSH* ), the young aspiring boy warrior with a well-guarded secret which will always save his ass when things go bad, the elderly warrior who carries a terrible burden due to a random mistake made in the past and the female sex object who should be mute.

Is it because I'm a raging sociopath or simply because evil is hot whereas good is not?

[Bunny]

Please don't double post. I know you're new and all but please try to follow the rules, which you should of course have read by now.

Also, goddamn that's some annoying font to read... I'd advise you to change it to something else, but I think I'll just ask comp to limit the usable types of font...

masamuneehs

Dear Terra...

1. When is the end of the world where eternal damnation will spread throughout the world?
2. How come some people are ego-maniacs and narcissists?
3. What happedned to Anastasia when she got shot in the head
4. WHY I AM SO SEXY?

[Mr Squiggles]

Dear Terra,

Why do some people go out of their way to post in orange when it is not only hard to see but also an ugly color? (although some other types of orange can look nice)

What is the exact amount of water required for Ranma to be considered wet to change, and what is the exact temperature for when the water goes from being considered cold to hot?

If you suddenly woke up one morning with wings on your back, where would be the first place you would fly to?

If you had to choose between losing an arm or a leg, which would you choose?

What is the real cause of dinosaur's extinction?

Is drinking your own blood when you get a cut healthy?

Why is it that in our society, if you don't try to hump the first thing you see with 2 legs and a vagina you are automatically assumed to be gay?

If you were in a room with Tom Cruise, Oprah, and a Clown, and you had a gun with only one bullet, who would you shoot?

[DB_Hunter]

Dear Terrangatang,

Why do I have a stomach ache right now?

Why are some tissue box sizes classified as "Mansize" tissues?

Why has my question about one piece episodes not been answered yet in the Anime Downloads section of the forum?

When it is said about somebody that "he has guts", why is it taken to mean that the person is brave and not fat?

Why are things made in China yet packed in the EU? How do these items get sent from China to EU anyway?

Why do you continue to live in Sweden despite being unemployed?

[RedX1z]

dear yzak like person, yet not like him at all(i think..),

who are you?

who am i?

why do you exist?

why do i exist?

why does anything exist?

if there's only one guy in the whole world and noone is there to awknowledge him, does he still exist?

if copy x is just a copy, does that mean he never existed or he never should've existed?

why does all my questions have to do with existence?

-signed, redx1.

[rockmanj]

dear swede who is afraid of sharp things.

would it be better to pursue the hadou style of Goutetsu-ryu Ansatsuken, or the shoryu principle?? While at times i am flashy, i am aslo strong and deep like a river....

[dragonrage]

Dear Mr. Terra - rific

Is it true that you are not disease free?

If you are, please contact Assertnfailure. He seems to have proof that says otherwiise:p

Anyways, What are some high quality swedish liquor, that you would recommend?

What are the recommended doses, and what do they not mix well with?

Also, What is the best time to visit your country, that is if I am not shot on entry.

The Dumbass Homophobe.:p

[ChaosK]

Dear Terra,
How is Bunny's eye sight so fucked up that he sees himself as sexy, and seems to find orange easy to read?

Also, why do mexican's mow lawns in the first place.

Signed,
...screw this.

[Terracosmo]

Greetings again, loyal subjects. Excuse the wait for this batch of answers, but I've been drunk and tired.

---------

Dear Nai-sama,

"Why is it that I'm always attracted to villains and characters generally deemed "bad" or "evil" and completely lack emotions ( other than sheer hatred ) for typical protagonist which may or may not include the following; the shy girl who likes to stutter and has an extremely immature sense of humor ( OH MY, YOU SAID WANG! *BLUSH* ), the young aspiring boy warrior with a well-guarded secret which will always save his ass when things go bad, the elderly warrior who carries a terrible burden due to a random mistake made in the past and the female sex object who should be mute.

Is it because I'm a raging sociopath or simply because evil is hot whereas good is not?"

The simple answer to this is that you rock. Just like me. We have realized that true character greatness lies beyond what the big mass of imbeciles like. We are higher beings!

------------------

Dear... ehh... hare,

"1. When is the end of the world where eternal damnation will spread throughout the world?"

Closer than you might think, but not as far away as you might believe.

"2. How come some people are ego-maniacs and narcissists?"

We are needed to balance out the rest of you, who fail to realize that self-love is the only true love.

"3. What happedned to Anastasia when she got shot in the head"

Gee, good question. Maybe she got up and said "lol you noobs, that felt like the bite of a mosquito!". Then she proceeded to dropkick the assassins.

Or maybe she died.

"4. WHY I AM SO SEXY?""

I'd say "you aren't", but for some reason this question by itself is alone to make me laugh when paired up with question number 2...

----------------------

Dear eddy squiggles,

"Why do some people go out of their way to post in orange when it is not only hard to see but also an ugly color? (although some other types of orange can look nice)"

It's a strange phenomenon which occurs when people go something like this;

- Gosh darn, I want to make a memorable post and instead of blatantly revealing that I have nothing good to say I'll just color my post in it's entirity.

Then the person would normally proceed and color it blue. Nobody would notice, except for a faint reaction of "wow, it's not the default color".

And then we have some people who follow their individual train of stupidity and choose their favorite color without even giving a thought to how the forum would handle such a redundant color.

So the result is in either case, because people are idiots. Nothing new there huh!
(Imagine coloring your name, or your user title, or your signature for that matter! How silly!)

"What is the exact amount of water required for Ranma to be considered wet to change, and what is the exact temperature for when the water goes from being considered cold to hot?"

Even a drop is enough, but the metamorphosis will take quite a while instead. Luckily, nobody attempts that. The water becomes hot when watching porno, and becomes cold when browsing Gotwoot.

"If you suddenly woke up one morning with wings on your back, where would be the first place you would fly to?"

The highest building in town, yell "I KNEW I WAS A NEWTYPE!" and then proceed to rob a bunch of people. I'd take their belongings to a secluded area on some random rooftop. And when I finally have enough money, I'll move to the japanese countryside and live peacefully together with my hot wings.

I'd probably have a few photo shoots too, because wings are sexy.

"If you had to choose between losing an arm or a leg, which would you choose?"

Arm, easily. I'd then replace it with metal and cosplay as Edward Elric. Even later on I'd hook up with a hot mechanic. Female mechanics are HOT.

"What is the real cause of dinosaur's extinction?"

Lack of good things to see on TV. Can kill anyone.

"Is drinking your own blood when you get a cut healthy?"

No, but getting cut isn't either, so don't fucking get cut.

"Why is it that in our society, if you don't try to hump the first thing you see with 2 legs and a vagina you are automatically assumed to be gay?"

It's all about who you choose to hang out with. People who assume that you are gay because you have realized that sex isn't anything to rave about are most likely stupid jocks with small penises who try to prove their self-worth by counting the amount of people they have penetrated. Well guess what, when you are a skeleton, not even the worms who will eat your dead buried body will care about how many people you have fucked. So there.

"If you were in a room with Tom Cruise, Oprah, and a Clown, and you had a gun with only one bullet, who would you shoot?"

Tom Cruise. Pretty men should all die. I want to be the only one.

------------------------

Dear Debbie,

"Why do I have a stomach ache right now?"

Because I put living parasites in your food. The antidote can be obtained at the usual place, providing that you have left the money there.

"Why are some tissue box sizes classified as "Mansize" tissues?"

-Mansize tissues, catching your load since days of yore!-

"Why has my question about one piece episodes not been answered yet in the Anime Downloads section of the forum?"

Bleh, One Piece sucks right now.

"When it is said about somebody that "he has guts", why is it taken to mean that the person is brave and not fat?"

Fat would be "he has a gut".
The real question is, why is it taken to mean that the person is brave and doesn't just have a bunch of intestines?

"Why are things made in China yet packed in the EU? How do these items get sent from China to EU anyway?"

Special dogs prepared to run fast as hell. They are afterwards eaten by the EU employees (who are all chinese) since they miss the dog cuisine of their homeland.

"Why do you continue to live in Sweden despite being unemployed?"

Yeah, good idea, I'll just take my zero money and move to another country!

-------------------

Dear meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegabuster who has yet to see my Yzaky sides, apparently,

"who are you?

who am i?

why do you exist?

why do i exist?

why does anything exist?"

Testicles.

"if there's only one guy in the whole world and noone is there to awknowledge him, does he still exist?"

Ask yourself this, would you want your existence to be acknowledged by a random drifter who smells horribly, or would you rather just want to live in eternal solitude?

Does it matter?

"if copy x is just a copy, does that mean he never existed or he never should've existed?"

It means that he should find copy z and start a club.

"why does all my questions have to do with existence?"

There is no spoon.

----------------

Dear rocky,

"would it be better to pursue the hadou style of Goutetsu-ryu Ansatsuken, or the shoryu principle?? While at times i am flashy, i am aslo strong and deep like a river...."

Unfortunately your question makes less sense than the instructions on the back of a ramen package (what the fuck do they mean "BOIL WATER"?), so I'll just say "kill stuff and you'll be fine".

-------------

Dear draggy,

"Is it true that you are not disease free?"

In all honesty, I don't know. I should look it up.

"If you are, please contact Assertnfailure. He seems to have proof that says otherwiise"

Oh, well, I've always enjoyed surprising him...

"Anyways, What are some high quality swedish liquor, that you would recommend?"

I wouldn't know, I only drink cheap imports. I don't drink because it's tasty, I drink to escape reality.

"What are the recommended doses, and what do they not mix well with?"

80% alcohol, 20% soda.

"Also, What is the best time to visit your country, that is if I am not shot on entry."

If you like rain, then any time is a good time. If you don't like rain, try the 2nd of July and the 4th of August.

------------------

Dear stalkidsadadsd,

"How is Bunny's eye sight so fucked up that he sees himself as sexy, and seems to find orange easy to read?"

Didn't you two make out last weekend?

`"Also, why do mexican's mow lawns in the first place."

Mexicans find it intriguating. It's part of their genes. Which is funny, because I didn't know Mexico had grass. Isn't it all rocks?

/ Terry LaBerry

[xDarkMaster]

Dear Terra,

Why is Comcast giving me terrible service and how do I fix it?

[ChaosK]

Dear terra,

Someone said that "the grass is always greener on the other side" yet, my neighbors lawn looks like shit. Doesn't this prove that grass isn't always greener?

Also who first said "when in rome?" why did they choose rome? they could've chose "when in korea..."

[masamuneehs]

Dear Terra,

Why aren't real lesbians hot like the ones on film? Wait, more than that, why are real life lesbians amongst the most hideous sights on the planet?

If you could pick one finger to chop off, which would it be and why?

Indoor or outdoor bud?

What is my zodiac sign and what does it mean for me?

-masa

[Lefty]

Dear terra which sucks more as a movie Battle field earth or Titanic.

Why do my teeth feel lose.

Why can't i remeber what i did ten years a go but know what i'm doing next week.

[msmush]

To sir terra,
how do you remain so unbelievably cool !!! teach me your ways.
&&...what is a gangster like you doing in a place like gw?...not implying those on gw arent gansters but...yeah :D!

from - yours

[el_boss]

When does the first commandment "bros before hos" not apply?

[NM]

Dear Terra,

1. Since when do you know all the answers to lifes greatest mysteries?

2. I'm going to be attending the PLAY! concert, the one with that big Video Game Music Orchestra and Nobou Uematsu and Harry Gregson-Williams (who does the MGS music) will be there. Will I get to meet them and get their autograph? If not, how can I?

-NM

[PSJ]

I'm not expecting anyone to know the answers to these questions but if you do, i will worship you like a god.

1. Why the fuck does women say one thing and then mean a totally diffrent thing?

2. How the fuck do i learn how to understand this bullshit behaviour?

[RedX1z]

dear terra-tang(yeah, i'm running out of things to call you),

i go to the deli and buy a blt, but when i open it up when i get back home, there's meat on there, but it doesn't look like bacon.. what the hell is it?

why are there mexicans working in the chinese restaurant which is a few blocks away from my house?

a squirrel(the same squirrel for the pass month or so) keeps sleeping on the balcony, do i shoot it or leave it alone?

-signed, redx1.